Weekend Water Retention and Shopping Fail

Thank you so much for your kind words of reassurance about my surgery.  I really needed that!  I  was really freaking out and driving myself insane but I've calmed down some.  I've stopped obsessively searching the internet.  I've been taking care of things that I need to take are of.  They called with my surgery time today and that made it even more real. I just want this to be over and done with at this point.  I'm getting an MRI today so she can see my fibroids and rule out or confirm the option of just removing them.  I'm also getting my blood work done.  I haven't mentioned it to anyone.  It's like I'm in denial that I'm actually doing this.  At any point, I know I could technically change my mind but I don't think I will.  I just want it to be over so I can stop worrying and thinking about it.   

I'm still dealing with water retention on the weekends.  My routine on the weekends is different obviously because I don't get up early and go to work but I still can't figure out why my weekend routine might make me retain even if I'm fine all week and don't indulge.  I was fine all last week.  Saturday morning I got up and drank 24 ounces of water.  Nothing.  24 more ounces of water.  Nothing.  That night I pee a little bit.  By Sunday I'm really annoyed so I only drink 24 ounces because I figure I'm just gonna retain it anyways.  Monday rolls around and it's fine again.  I get up, start drinking my water in the car on the way at 7:30am, drink coffee and eat my egg beaters between 8-8:30am then I usually have to pee before 11am.  1 at the latest and then I start in on my second filling around then.  On the weekends I get up later but I start drinking water as soon as I'm up.  I usually exercise or clean the house and then after that I start in on my coffee.  It really messes with my head to see that number go up even if I think it's water.  I don't want to have to go to work just so I can pee normally.  It really doesn't make sense.

Getting dressed in the morning is still really hard.  I've removed most of the clothes that don't fit but it's still hard that what's left looks different on me  I'm finding that when before I used to tuck in my shirt now I'm wanting a shirt long enough to cover my enormous butt.  I felt slim wearing almost anything before and now when I put things on I feel huge.  I don't like the way I look in anything that is close fitting.  I bought a few pairs of colored skinny jeans during the time when I was gaining so those are still okay but all of my denim is tight.  I can't fit into any of the skinny jeans and my boot cuts are snug.  It makes me feel bigger to wear things that fit tight so even though I hate it that I don't fit my jeans I figured it might help if  had denim that fits.  Big mistake.  I had to go to the mall so I stopped by Old Navy.  I have a pair of Rock Star black skinnies from there that I bought after I gained and I love them so I picked up the same size in denim.  They look awful! My thighs and butt looked huge.  I looked so fat that I couldn't even bring myself to buy them.  I guess I'm getting away with it in Black because it's a slimming color but the denim looked terrible.  It was almost like they had fat mirrors in there.  I'm not sure what I'll end up doing.  I have my surgery on Friday so I won't really have to worry about wearing much of anything for two weeks.  By the time I get back to work my husband will be going out of town and that's when I really plan to focus more on the diet.  With him gone I'll literally be eating the same things every day and cooking my chicken breasts and getting enough of all the foods I need without having to share any of it.  If I can't loose any weight by the time he gets back I'll just deal with it then. 

I'm still fat.  The lowest I've dipped is 127 but I mostly range between 128 and 129.  Most days I'm not getting 1,500 but I have consistently eaten around 1,300.  I'm getting lots of protein, exercising and hardly eating any sweets.  The only day this month that I've indulged is the weekend of Jan 18th when we went to hubby's holiday party on Saturday.   That Sunday we went to breakfast and then we ordered Pizza.  My percentages were way off on those days and I drank on Saturday night but I was still around 1,500 calories when supposedly I'm supposed to be at 1,700 just to maintain.