Miracle

Vacation was awesome (Cancun).  We had no wi fi so there was no phones and no technology, just us.  Our last vacation my vagina was so screwed up that we couldn't do it at all but this time we had sex.  The white sand beach was beautiful.  The aqua water was gorgeous and felt wonderful to be in until I got too scared of the fish.  The hotel was beautiful.  We had a fabulous time.  We decided not to do any outings so I didn't spend any extra money while we were there which was really nice.  It was too humid for me to want to do anything too far away from the water.  I needed to be in as little clothes as possible.  I literally ate, drank and hung out at the beach all day every day.  I had at least 3 glasses of wine per day on top of three meals per day.  Here is an example of the crap load of food I ate.  Breakfast was usually egg white Omelette, a slice of french toast and a coffee.  Lunch: Hamburger with potato wedges, Dinner: Pasta with Red Sauce and Grilled chicken, Slice of lasagna.  It was similar boat loads of food every single day with many drinks in between.  And desserts.  The crazy thing is that even with all that eating I was still ready to eat by the time the next meal came around.  I would be starving in the morning for breakfast but after that we ate and drank so much we hardly had a chance to really get hungry.  It was crazy.  I just had to throw my hands up and go with it.  We paid an all inclusive fee.  I had to get my money's worth and I did.  

For exercise we went to the gym twice, I went for a walk on the beach twice and I did water aerobics.  All that eating and I came home 1.4 lbs heavier then the day I left.  I seriously can't believe it.  I feel huge and fat and disgusting all the time but I am so grateful that I didn't gain a whole lot while I was gone.  Had I been in my restricting days I'm sure I would have gained at least 5 lbs. I hope this means that my metabolism is getting better.  I don't know if it's good enough to drop weight yet but it's at least good enough not to make me blow up even on what I estimate had to be at least 1,700-2,000 calories a day which is a step in the right direction.  But then again my body has never responded how I think.  I remember coming back from my December vacation less then when I left and then started gaining as soon as I got back.

I felt like a whale in my bikini.  Whenever I saw skinnie minnies I was so jealous of their tiny butts and thin thighs.  I liked being skinny.  I liked it that I weighed less then the already low weight on my drivers license.  Now I weigh more and I'm one of those people who weighs more then their driver's license says.  I know that I'm fit but even so it's very difficult for me not to feel fat.  Everything has filled out on me and it's still really hard for me to get used to.  I'm planning on holding out on buying new jeans until September when we go to NYC.  There is a very good chance I will never fit into my designer size 26's and that makes me so very sad.  I can't believe that I was once small enough that the butt was sagging and now I can't even get them over my hips.  Even crazier is that I still didn't see myself as that skinny.  My body was probably never meant to be that small and may never be that small again.  Even if I never fit back into those jeans I'd love it if I could get back to 120. 

We got back on Saturday and I started up on my meal plan and strength training on Monday. I have about two more weeks before I start adding in cardio.

The day we got back I got my first urinary tract infection.  When we got off of our last flight I had to pee really, really bad.  I went to the bathroom and instead of feeling relief I still felt like I had to pee really bad but nothing would come out.  It was really uncomfortable.  It was like holding your pee for hours but not having to go.  And then if I could get something out I barely made it to the toilet and there was a slight pain right after.  I googled it and since I thought it might be a UTI that only gets worse if not treated I got cranberry juice on the way home and went to urgent care on Sunday.   It was a really mild.  She said she there was a little urine and but no phospates in my urine. Since the symptoms matched she prescribed the antibiotics.  I'm just glad that it waited until we landed back in the US to strike.  It would have totally ruined my vacation if it happened sooner.  I have had the worst luck with my vagina and so I was terrified that it was something worse that would plague me for the next year like the other crap has.  I'm feeling better so hopefully that's the end of it.