Surgery

I had an MRI the Wednesday before my surgery.  My first ever.  I checked in and was taken to a room where I could change into a hospital gown and put my things into a locker during the procedure.  The tech mentioned an injection which immediately freaked me out because I didn't know there would be any shots.  The MRI tech was really, really nice.  We chatted the whole time.  The MRI machine is huge and it's pretty loud too.  I laid down on the stretcher and he put boards and blankets on top of me.  He had to call someone else to give me the first injection.  It was an organ relaxer that went in my tricep.  It hurt but it was pretty quick.  I was pushed into the MRI machine feet first with just the very top of my head sticking out.  He put a cloth over my eyes so that I couldn't see how confined I was and I'm glad that he did.  I think my face was just inches from the top of the machine.  I had to breathe normally then hold my breath for 24 second increments when he told me to.  He had a microphone that he spoke on so I could hear him from inside.   Then he had me come out and gave me a dye injection in my arm that allows them to see inside better.  It was pretty quick and not that bad.   I could feel the coolness of the liquid going into my arm and shoulder.  Back into the machine I went for more breath holds and pictures.  The whole thing took about 45 minutes or so and then I went to do my blood work in the lab.  On the way out I saw a dead body on a stretcher.  I think the morgue is down there on the basement level where the MRI's are done and the guy was lost so he kept going back and forth.  It was wrapped in a blue blanket but you could tell it was a body.  Not something I wanted to see.

I tried to go back to work but only lasted about 30 minutes before I started feeling nauseated and light headed.  I don't know if I was reacting to the injections, giving some blood in the lab or what.  I think it was all just a little bit too much for me.  I went home and went straight to bed for a 2 hour nap.  I felt much better when I got up.

My doctor called me Thursday morning to tell me that I have about 5 giant fibroids from 7-9 centimeters long plus a bunch of other smaller ones that they don't count.  That's a lot! No wonder it looks like an alien is pushing out of my belly and they have definitely grown over the last year.  They were in a good position that she could do a myomectomy and remove them without hurting and removing the uterus if I wanted to do that.  The downside is that is definitely a surgery that requires an abdominal incision AND there is a chance that the fibroids will grow back.  She said it could buy me about 5 years if I was still unsure about wanting babies or better yet, I should get pregnant right away before they grow back if that's what we want.  The thing is I don't want to get pregnant and even if I did I don't know if it would even be possible to get and stay pregnant with all those fibroids.  My abdomen was very crowded.    I also don't want to come back five years later for a hysterectomy.   Mainly, I was just really scared about losing an organ.  Who wouldn't be?  Fibroids run in my family and so do hysterectomies.  My uterus likes to make fibroids and I'm sure they'd be back with a vengeance if I kept my uterus.  I kind of knew that I would go with the hysterectomy but I wanted to know if I had a choice and make the best possible decision based on the most information available.  She told me to come in for a chat which was awesome.  I left work a little early and she called me back to her office as soon as I got there.  I saw the photos of my fibroids and the biggest one is bigger then my uterus and clear up to my belly button pushing my organs up.  It was really good for me to see that because I was 2nd guessing my decision but after seeing that I knew those suckers had to come out.  In fact, I should have done it sooner because they were so big she was telling me she isn't as hopeful as she was before that it would be laparascopic.  She also offered the option of canceling the surgery and taking lupron for up to 6 months to see if they would shrink.  There was no guarantee of shrinkage and it would send me into hot flashes that would be pretty awful.  How would I go to work every day if I was dealing with that?  I told her that I was mentally exhausted.  I simply could not think about surgery or fibroids anymore.  I wanted the hysterectomy keeping my cervix and I wanted it the next day.  I really just needed this to be over.

When I got to my car I cried for the first time over this.  I guess I just finally lost it.  I called my husband and told him I was coming straight home.  I was supposed to stop and get dinner but I couldn't even think about that.  I just needed to come home.  Dinner was my choice since it was my "last meal."  I wanted a Teriyaki chicken and rice bowl and we went and got it together.  I also wanted a doughnut.  I never initiate a doughnut run but I figured I deserved to be happy the night before my surgery. 

My check in time was originally supposed to be 11:30am Friday morning then they called me back and told me it would be 9:30am instead which was fine because the less time I had to think about what was going to happen the better.  It wasn't like I needed time to sleep in, eat a nice breakfast or put make up on or anything.  My instructions were no food after midnight the night before and only water after 7:30am.  Then they called that morning just after I'd gotten out of the shower to ask if I could come even earlier which was fine.  I was anxious to get going anyways.  We said we could be there within the hour and just like that we were off to the hospital.

We checked in at surgical admitting on the 3rd floor.  I dropped my Kaiser card into the bin then sat down to wait.  It was a pretty small waiting room and there were two older guys in wheelchairs waiting with their families.  They called us back into the tiny office to check us on.   I answered a few questions and signed some paperwork then sat down to wait some more before someone cake to get me.  They told hubby to wait 30 minutes while I got settled before coming back.  The room was long and lined with beds on either side full of patients waiting for surgery.  I did the requested urine test which was my 3rd pregnancy test in two weeks time.  I can't blame them for wanting to make sure.  Then I changed into my purple hospital gown and cute purple non skid socks and took my place in bed.  I was provided a bag for my clothes and personal belongings.  My wedding rings went into a urine cup.  An empty unused one of course.  The nurse asked more questions about medications and allergies and then before long hubby came back to join me in my little area.

The nurse put leg compression sleeves on each leg to prevent blood clots then the moment I was dreading finally came.  Time for the IV.  I'm a chicken.  I hate needles and pain so when she offered me a numbing shot before the IV I said yes.  Hubby  thought that was weird because now I have to get two shots but I was hoping it would be worth it if I couldn't feel the second one.  Turns out she couldn't find any so I had to go without.  It also turns out that my veins are tiny so she couldn't get the IV to thread.  At the same time one of the anesthesiologists came up to introduce himself so I focused on him and not the needle being dug into my arm.  I tried my best to relax but the more she toyed around with it the worse things got and she eventually told me that she'd have to call someone else to do it.  By that time I was starting to get hot.  My skin started to stick to the inside of the gown, my feet started sweating and then I started trembling.  I wasn't even cold but when I'm really scared and anxious I shake.  Another nurse came along and used a better vein in the crook of my arm to get the IV in.  I just kept as still as I could and stared at the ceiling to try to zone out of what was happening.  She got it in, taped it up and then hooked my gown up to this awesome ventilation system that blew warm air directly into a hole inside my gown to try to stop the trembles.   The trembling got a little worse after the cold liquid from the IV bag was released into my body but then it got better and I adjusted it to a bit cooler air.  I was aware of the IV in my arm but it didn't hurt.  It was just a little uncomfortable.

They gave me some drugs to relax me through my IV and I was all prepped for surgery.  I was asked for about the 4th time my name, DOB and what kind of surgery I was having.  I'm so glad they make sure.  Next, my doctor who would be doing the surgery came to say hi along with the surgeon who was going to assist.  I asked about how I would be sealed up after.  If it was abdominal I would have staples and stitches and be in the hospital until Sunday.  If it was laparoscopic I would have glue on the tiny incisions that would just go away.  I asked her to try really, really hard to make this a lapro surgery and she said that she would.  I'd find out what happened when I woke up.

There was a little more waiting and then the doctors came to wheel me away.  I gave hubby one last kiss, he took my glasses and then I was being wheeled into the operating room.  There was music playing.  Wake me up by Avicii to be exact.  I couldn't think of better lyrics-"Wake me up when it's all over."  I had to scoot over onto the operating table and they covered me with a nice warm heated blanket.  A mask was placed over my nose.  The anesthesiologist said it was going to smell like a brand new beach ball.  They told me to think about whatever I wanted to dream about and the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery with one of those oxygen tubes in my nostrils trembling like a leaf.  The surgery took 3 1/2 hours.

The first thing I felt after waking up was triumphant.  I had done it! It was over.  I wasn't in any pain but I felt like my stomach was stretched to capacity and about to explode.  It was just a lot of discomfort.  I tried to guess if I had been sliced open or  not.  I had a slight tickle and cough from the anesthesia that lasted for about a day.  I just felt like I needed to clear my throat and I was a little bit hoarse.  They hooked my gown up to the ventilation system to warm me up and someone else fed me some ice chips.  They only let family into recovery at the top of every hour.  I came out of surgery at 3:15 so hubby had to wait until 4 to come back.  The rascal told me I had an abdominal and I was so bummed but then two seconds later he said he was joking.  My doctor managed to do the surgery laparoscopically but not only that I only had 3 incisions with my belly button being the biggest one.  There are stitches in my belly button.  My doctor is awesome!!

Next it was time to move to post op which is the last stop before you go home.  I said I had a little pain and was rewarded with two percocet on the condition that I eat my 2 crackers.  I felt really nauseated from the anesthesia so it probably took me about hour just to eat two graham crackers.  I literally nibbled on them like a rabbit.  The nurse said not to rush but that as soon as I ate and was able to go to the bathroom I could go home as soon as I was ready.  I was so tired and it had been a long day for hubby even though I slept through a lot of it.  I was ready to get home so as soon as I finished my crackers I said I was ready for the bathroom.  This brought on more nausea.  The nurse held my arm and led me in.  It's so weird to think that you can be up walking within hours of major surgery.  I hobbled my way back to my bed and then hubby shut the curtain and started to help me get dressed.  I asked for a barf bag for the ride home just in case because the nausea was really hitting me after standing but I didn't need it.  I was put into a wheelchair and wheeled towards the exit to wait for a volunteer to wheel me downstairs while hubby went to pull around the car to the front.

We made it to the house around 7:30pm or so.  As soon as I got home we got me undressed and I went straight to bed.  That night I was almost in tears when I got up to go to the bathroom.  Getting up was hard and each step was painful.  I ate about 7 crackers so I could take my next set of meds around 9:45pm.

The hospital staff was awesome.  Everything was really organized.  There is an entire team dedicated to taking care of you and making sure that you are comfortable.  The doctors and anesthesiologists introduced themselves and were very friendly and reassuring.  I love my doctor.  She was patient and she really let me make the choice about everything.  She was willing to do whatever I was comfortable with up to cancelling the surgery if that's what I wanted and she made time to listen to my concerns.

It turns out I'm a bit stronger then I thought.  I didn't even take the anti anxiety pills I asked my doctor for.  I didn't cry.  I took my IV like a champ.  I hate hospitals and pain and have never had to face anything like this but I knew I needed to do this.   I started freaking out a bit on my last day of work as I was packing up my things.  I couldn't believe I was doing this.  I kept thinking I could change my mind so it didn't feel real somehow.  It didn't feel real until that morning when I changed into my gown.   I felt so proud of myself and so relieved that it was over when they wheeled me out.

I'm doing okay.  I've been at home all  week resting.  I just had to get all that out.  More updates later.