So Called Intuitive Eating and He's Obssessed

I'm back from Vegas.  We had a great time.  We didn't do a whole lot but it was a nice getaway.  We hung out, went clubbing, saw a show and ate out.  My official post 4 days and 3 nights vacation weigh in had me up 0.2 pounds the morning after I got back.  I was at 125 the day we left which is still 7 lbs over where I want to be but I still have to consider this a win for me.

Hubby is on a juicing thing this week and next week he is doing low carb.  Normally, I'd be all over that in major damage control mode but not this time.  I did go to the gym for my usual cardio day.  I haven't worked out in a week and had totally fallen off the wagon so it was the least I could do.  I'm not fasting, I'm not juicing and I'm not freaking out.  This is the first time ever that I gained less weight then my husband.  He gained 5 lbs.  When he asked me if I gained any I said 0.2 because that is my new reality but in my mind the true honest answer is 7.2.  Can I really discount the 7 lbs that I've gained over the past year?   I was mindful of not pigging out just to pig out but I munched on candy, cookies and crackers on the road and randomly throughout the trip.  The day we left we went out to breakfast.  I ordered french toast and that night after we got there I had Sliders for dinner.  One day I ordered Tacos for lunch and another day it was salad for dinner.  My calories were horrendously high on every day but the day we got back and I tracked in Lose It but I wasn't as accurate as I normally would be just because with all the things I was eating and being on vacation it was hard to keep up.  I pretty much ate when I was hungry and didn't try to stick to the one meal a day kind of thing or try to deprive myself the way I normally do on vacation. It never did me any good anyways.  I ALWAYS gained.  The first time I said to hell with it and didn't worry about it I don't.  I'm beginning to suspect that 125 lbs is my happy weight which isn't the worst thing ever.  It could definitely be worse but of course I want better.  My body might like it but I don't.  I want thinner.

My husband has definitely noticed the change.  I wish I liked my "new" body half as much as he does.  He made a comment that my legs look so good and toned.  That they don't look like bone anymore.  He comments on how sexy my butt is and my body overall.  I put on a pair of skinny jeans I haven't worn in a while while we were there.  They fit tighter then they used to.

Wow.  Those look good on you.  You haven't worn those in a while. 

He has to notice a difference, but god love him for being very tactful and not really coming out and saying it.  I'd die if he did.  I know I gained weight and he knows I gained weight but it's an entirely other thing for him to just come out and say it.  I just say thanks and don't elaborate when he makes those comments.  He was surprised when I said I have to eat when he asked me if I wanted him to make me some juice.  He was waiting for me to say that I needed to restrict or not to bother me about food.  I told him that I've finally got my digestion working properly and that I just don't want to mess it up by juicing or switching my diet around too much. 

So that's pretty much what I'll say about my weight gain if it ever comes up or if I ever decide to talk about it.  Instead of saying that I failed at losing weight and that I got to the point where I physically could not keep my weight down I'm going to say that I decided to work on intuitive eating.  I got tired of being a slave to calories, starving, being bloated, constipated, water retentive and feeling bad and stressed out about food.  I'll just say that I made the conscious decision to finally do something to change my poor eating habits.  I simply can't say I failed at being tiny.  I'm too ashamed.  I've always wanted to move towards intuitive eating instead of calorie restriction but I was too afraid.  The decision was intuitively made for me. 

I'm not really sure what the heck is going on but my husband's been pretty obsessed with me lately.  I'm trying to think back to when it started.  It seems to be the end of October.  The 27th to be exact.  That's the week I finally cooked again and made Chili.  Maybe it's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but it's not like it was the first time I'd ever ever cooked. It had just been a while.  It's actually pretty cool.  I love the attention and it makes me feel really good to really be able to feel how into me he is.  There are brief moments where it's overwhelming when he wants a kiss while I'm in the middle of doing something or I can barely lay down before his arms are wrapped around me but I do that to him too and overall I really, really love it.  He's become more conversational and interested in what I have to say about things.  He used to be really incommunicado and sometimes it made me feel ignored or lonely but I'd kind of gotten used to it because that's just the way he was.  I'd say something to start a conversation and he'd barely acknowledge that I'd said a word but now when I say things he makes conversational replies.  Even if it's just "oh really" or "cool."  Before I'd literally have to ask him if he could please work on trying to do that.

Well, I just don't have anything to say.

You could at least be polite and say.  Really or Okay or something!! Conversation 101.

He is constantly telling me how hot I am.  He wants to cuddle just as much as I do if not more.  He reaches for my hand before I even get a chance to reach for his.  I'm usually the one obsessed with him but now he's obsessed with me to so we are obsessed with each other and I like it.  I'm feeling less annoyed with him about his habits.  Just when I thought our relationships couldn't get any better it did.

I'm at work.  I'm tired.  I've done really good and have gotten a good chunk of work done.  My car battery needs to be replaced but I can't go in until tomorrow so I'm hoping I don't get stranded somewhere. 

I'm feeling just a little stressed about money.  We bought this time share sampler package thing on our vacation for about $2,400.  Hubby thought it was a good deal because we'll basically get 3 vacations out of the points and it came with an extra vacation package that could take care of the Greece trip we want to do next year.  I was okay with doing it as long as he helped  me pay for it.  He didn't have his license so we couldn't sign for it together or else I might have gotten the $0 down and super low payments option.  By myself I was denied.  He did the down payment and will make a few payments and then I'll need to take over.  We didn't spend much on our vacation because we cashed in loose change for cash and ended up with $170 bucks.  We used some of that money on the trip and then got $100 off our show tickets for doing the timeshare presentation.  This is good because I still have Maui in three weeks and then Christmas and suddenly I'm feeling like I need all of these things like brown booties to replace the ones that broke, a bra and a belt.  Sigh.

I'm on my 4th bout of yeast infection and/or bacterial vaginosis since July.  It's really getting annoying.  I got one in July and got treated with rx from my doctor.  I had sex and it came back so I got more medication from my doctor.  I had sex and it came back so then I just tried the 7 day cream.  I had sex and it came back so I tried the cream again and waited a whole week before sex.   It felt okay but I wasn't quite sure so I went to the doctor and she detected some yeast.  Now I'm on a 1 x per week for 12 weeks round of diflucan to try to take care of it.  She said I'm being colonized; which sounds pretty awful.  TMI??  Sorry! She said I can have sex while I'm on this regimin but I'm taking the first week off just to try to play it a little safer.  I'm just so annoyed that this keeps coming back and I hope this gets rid of it once and for all.  Not that I'll never have another again but it should not be this chronic.

That about covers what's going on with me.  Undoubtedly, more then you ever wanted to know!!!