Just as I suspected the primary doctor who referred me had no clue what I was even saying. When I showed up the nutritionist was showing that I was there because I have problems gaining weight. Obviously that's way off but I think he got confused when I said that I couldn't maintain my weight. I meant that I couldn't keep it low and I think he was thinking that I couldn't keep it high. Anyways. It wasn't quite as informative as I'd hoped it would be but it was helpful. I didn't find out as much as I wanted about fixing metabolism but I did receive validation about what I've been eating which definitely made me feel better.
I had her check out my daily food logs on Lose It! She says that I seem to be making the right choices in terms of intake but seemed most impressed by all the fiber I take in. Trying to get enough fiber has been a big thing for me because of my constipation issues. One thing she did say that I really loved is not to worry about the carb intake when I'm making the right choices with fruits and whole grains. There was one day that my carb intake was about 200. I asked her if that was awful and she said no because when she subtracted my fiber intake my net cars were only 130. As long as most of my carbs are also packed with fiber then I should be okay even if I got 200 carbs for the day. I mentioned that I suspected I'd destroyed my metabolism with a super low calorie diet but even still she seemed a bit confused as to why I was gaining weight on 1,300 calories a day. I'm eating more and have a screwed metabolism is what I would think but she seemed to discount that and focus more on my basal metabolic resting which she calculated at about 1,300. She did say that she didn't think that I needed 2,000 calories to fix metabolism. I've been reading on the internet that any less and you will gain weight but not fix metabolism so I was glad to hear that. She didn't bat an eye when I told her I wanted to get to 120 lbs so I can fit back into my jeans better even though I really want to get to 118 lbs. She just said that it was still low for my height and that I can play around with reducing calories but not to go below 1,000.
I walked away with a referral to an eating disorder therapist. I hadn't planned on that at all but towards the end she questioned me about whether or not I was in a safe place with my eating and suggested that I might benefit from therapy. I figured I could just ignore the call when it came in but I picked up and ended up scheduling an appointment. Very weird that I go back to therapy for an ED after I start eating more. It's covered under my insurance and she has late hours so I figured why the hell not. Even though I don't feel eating disordered or even skinny I am still coping with the changes in my body so it certainly couldn't hurt to talk to someone about that. Also, as much as I hate being as fat as I feel I really would love to stop this endless cycle of self hate and the desire to eat less and weigh less.
I tested my metabolism a bit for two days last week when I skipped out on a "real" dinner on Saturday and Sunday. By Monday I was starving. I hadn't felt that kind of hunger in a while and my body did not respond well to it either. I didn't lose any weight and in fact I went up a little bit. I was worried that I'd screwed up all my progress so far but I had really good cardio work outs on Monday and Tuesday, ate back a lot of the calories lost in my 600 calorie cardio session that Tuesday and the number did go back down. It's been 13 weeks since operation build metabolism. Today I weighed 123.2 and I haven't seen that number since September.
I'm super impressed with myself that I only ate 3 pieces of candy at home last night when we had a giant bowl of chocolate for trick or treaters sitting right there. My husband ate more candy then I did and it's usually the other way around. I wanted to eat my Ezekiel toast with peanut butter on it instead. My body was craving the real food and not the junk. Today a co worker came down asking if we wanted bagels. I declined. I didn't care that it was free and that it was being offered, I just didn't want it. I did have 3 pieces of candy with my egg beaters and coffee this morning but I have my healthy work snacks to eat and I don't want anymore.
I need to figure out something low cal that I can eat during the day that will fill me up better. By the time I get home I'm starving and it would probably be better for my metabolism if I didn't spend the majority of the work day hungry. I'm also not going to eat cheese casadilla's for dinner so much. It was my go to for a while because it's easy and I love it but on the days I eat them my fat content ends up as high as 50 grams because of the cheese. I only use 1 oz on each. It's fine here and there but not on the regular so I'll be limiting that.
Today was the first day I didn't feel as fat as I've been feeling every other day before. I don't think it's because I look any different. I think it's just because I'm getting more accustomed to seeing this bigger body and feeling tightness of my skinny jeans pressing against my legs. I guess I'm adapting.
I also found out where I can have my metabolism scientifically tested for $125 dollars. I'm not ready to spend that right now. I'm going to continue to watch the numbers and see how things go. I will get tested at some point though so I know for sure where I stand.
I made Chili on Sunday. It finally dawned on him that I haven't cooked in a long time so I finally got back into the kitchen. We have an agreement that if I want to cook something I just have to let him know and he'll make sure the kitchen is clean. I don't like cooking but it does make me feel really good about myself when I feed my husband. I don't know how often I'll do it but I'll just keep working on getting in there now and then to contribute.
Thank good it's Friday. It sucks working all day when my husband is off but such is life. I'm meeting a girlfriend for happy hour after work. I've been working on my novel for most of the work day because I'm so caught up on my actual work. Only 1 1/2 hours to go.
It's good that you're finally getting some answers, and I am thrilled that you are going to try therapy.
ReplyDeleteBravo on not giving in to a hoard of Halloween candy, too.
Keep us updated on how therapy goes, I think you're really going to benefit from it. Sometimes our minds are messed up way more than our bodies, don't you think?
Seems like both your doctor and your nutritionist don't really get what you are trying to do. Maybe this therapist can get you in touch with right people who actually understand what your past meals have looked like and what you are trying to achieve.
ReplyDeleteIf you are looking for some low cal snacks, veggies are the best. I like carrot, celery sticks, sugar snaps, and cherry tomatoes. Add a few pretzel and almonds and maybe even string cheese, and suddenly you have something good to snack on, and the fiber will keep you full longer. If you are looking for a more "proper" meal, veggie soups are low cal and just yum during winter time :) - else hard boiled egg whites are good option (I don't like it when it's cold, else I'd have a bunch pre-cooked and ready to grab).. And protein green smoothies are also a great option, if you have the option of making it , or get it as you go.