I'm such an idiot. For some reason I got some thought in my head that my Nutritionist appointment was today. I went there with the card in my hand saying it was next Monday without even realizing it. An hour of sick time wasted but at least I got to sleep in a little later. Oh well.
I'm having another "bad wife" moment. I feel like the worse wife ever. I want to be all domesticated and Martha Stewart like but I'm not. Some wives pack their husbands lunch for them or have dinner waiting for them. Not me. I feel like such a creep right now and I have told myself over and over that I will do better so I'm going to try. Again. I want to do more and provide more for my husband. I want to be that wife who is always ready and willing to help him out and do anything for him and right now I don't feel like that kind of wife. I think it's mainly laziness. Which is really sad. I hate running errands and being in the kitchen. I've gotten a lot better about doing an extra errand if he needs me to or even offering without being totally annoyed but if he wants me to make him a sandwich I feel all put out. Which is very sad. He's the sweetest guy. He does all the cooking. Why can't I get off my lazy butt and do it without feeling annoyed or without him having to ask me twice? I have so many faults. I'm continually working on trying to make them better even if I'm failing half the time because he deserves to have a good wife. And I want to be that wife.
Yesterday he made turkey burgers on the grill and mashed potatoes. The mashed potatoes are awesome because he doesn't use milk or anything fattening and they still taste so good. When he asked if I wanted some I said no. He doesn't always ask. Most of the time he just assumes I'm going to eat it. Most of the time if he asks and I say no he insists but this time he didn't. I went downstairs and had a frozen boca burger and fat free pringles instead. He even offered to put my patty on the grill since it was still hot and that way I wouldn't have to microwave it. His meal was delicious and healthy. It's not that I didn't want to eat it. I just felt guilty about eating it because I never cook and I would rather leave more for him to eat since he is the one who made it. Is that weird? I just don't feel like I deserve to eat the food he cooks since I don't do it myself. I cooked chicken breasts the day before he came home but other then that I haven't cooked since he's been back. I was trying to make a point about doing it once a week or at least a few times per month before and I was doing pretty good but I've totally fallen off.
He is so much better at it then I am. Everything he cooks tastes better and I just feel like anything I make is inferior. It also takes me about double the time it does him to make anything. It takes me so long. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Cooking during the work week is ridiculous for me because by the time I get home at 5:30 ish and start I feel like I can't get dinner on the table any earlier then 7pm. If I work out, forget it. He likes to cook and he gets off way earlier then I do so it actually makes more sense for him to do it but that doesn't mean I never should. I'm over cooking during the week and then on my weekend cooking takes away from my "relaxation." I also hate the whole grocery store rigamarole. I'm not as good as making things from what we have because my skills are limited. I usually work the other way around. Find a recipe and then shop and go from there. I also have this really weird OCD feeling about the kitchen right now. I just want him to be in charge of everything that has to do with the kitchen. The cooking and the cleaning. I just don't want to mess with it because I'm unable to control anything about it. There are always dishes in the sink right now. He get's to them eventually but even on the night he loads the dishwasher he'll still leave dishes in there from that particular night of cooking. Why not just clean it all up? He brings home old Tupperware from work that's been there for who knows how many days and leaves it in the sink unopened for even more days (ick). He never wipes off the counters. I just feel like I can't deal with the kitchen right now. Uggh. I have issues. And those are all of my ridiculous excuses for why I can't deal with cooking right now. Plus, I just don't like doing it.
I need to work on being more kind and generous to my husband and getting my butt back in the kitchen at some point. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Cooking food shows love and provides nourishment. He's not getting any of that from me and I feel bad about it.
If you aren't confident in the kitchen, maybe you could start by cooking together? I totally respect that you find it too stressful to cook right now, but it might be a good starting point to ask if he needs any help with small jobs, like peeling potatoes or chopping ingredients, leaving him in charge.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure your husband doesn't think of you as a bad wife. You mightn't be a domestic goddess, but there's more to it than cooking and cleaning. He married you for you, not for a maid.
xx
I like Bella's idea of cooking together, but also give yourself a little slack. You are a working wife which in itself is hard. I'm a stay at home mom and I do EVERYTHING around the house all the time. I feel guilty for asking my fiancé to cook one night. Your husband probably understands and doesn't think bad of you at all. You've got a lot going on and if cooking is his thing and he doesn't complain, then you can let your mind rest.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
What if he likes cooking? It sure sounds like it. And you're better when it comes to cleaning, so why make a fuss about it. I mean yea, it's only a traditional cultural model that wife should stay home, cook and clean but no one really does that anymore - and that means also that the balance of house work has to change because it's just impossible to leave it to the wife. No one should do that if they truly love you. He does. And what the sweeties say up there, cook together or then relax a little about it and let him do what he enjoys... and tell him how you feel so that he knows it's not that you don't like the food but that you feel it's way too good. There's just no way he would think that you're bad wife.
ReplyDelete<3
don't you do all the cleaning ect in the house? why are you feeling so bad about him wanting to cook??
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are the opposite of you two, he does the cleaning while I do the cooking.. (ofc I need to nag him so it gets done, but still)...
You have to try to remember being married is supposed to be living with your bff, you wouldn't be upset if she was the one cooking while you were the one keeping it tidy, would you?? - you are not a bad wife cause you don't make lunch boxes for him, mine gets leftover when there is any, else he just gets to buy it...
I still think you are being really hard on your self.. And it is a tad silly that you wouldn't eat what he made cause you were feeling bad about it. What if he didn't wore the cloths you wash?? It is kind of the same thing.
From what I read you are a wonderful person, let him take care of you.. If he wants to cook, let him cook.. You are doing a whole lot of stuff that wouldn't be done if you didn't care. Enjoy the time you have with your hubby, and relax :)
I completely understand this insecurity. While yes, I pack my husband's lunches (not that they are anything exciting, it's usually just a sandwich) and I do most of the cleaning, that's about all I contribute. I am surrounded largely by Mormon friends who are super-wives and live to serve their husbands. They do all of the house work, with often little gratitude. I also have friends who have fantastic jobs and while they don't do much of the house work, they at least contribute financially. And sometimes when I read your posts about worrying about money, I can't help but be jealous that you at least have a job.
ReplyDeleteI am currently in grad school, and I spend 30+ hours a week physically in class, and countless hours outside of class studying. This means, I am rarely ever home to make dinner, I rarely have time for date nights (or anything of the like), I have ZERO income, all while accumulating an additional $30,000 each year in student loan debt. I feel like a huge burden to my husband all the time. But I recently saw a facebook post between a couple of my friends where one was admiring how amazing of a wife/mother another friend was because she always had it all together. The other mom responded with something along the lines of "the living room is a mess, my car needs to be fixed and I just fed my children cereal for dinner because I haven't been shopping in weeks. I thank you for your accolades, but wonder-woman doesn't exist".
This really opened my eyes and I realized that we all do the best we can. My husband knew I was planning to go to grad school when he married me and doesn't resent me for the little time I have to spend on him, and I'm sure your husband loves you just as you are and doesn't have a problem with you not cooking. I know men who even prefer to cook! If you want to help out more, then I think the suggestion of offering to help with small things is a step in the right direction, but whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over where you think you fall short. He loves you for who you are!
You need to cut yourself some slack! If hubby is great in the kitchen, and you're great in the laundry room, it evens out! Him cooking isn't more helpful that you picking up!
ReplyDelete