When Do I Get to be Unemployed?

My sister is also doing the juice fast.  Well, she's trying anyways.  Yesterday she texted me and said that she was feeling comatose and nauseated so she needed to eat dinner.  She's giving it another go today.  I was like really?  You are tired and comatose?  She doesn't work so she's been chillin' at my parents house since we got back from Vegas.  Tuesday she slept in and hung around the house but not me.  I got up at 6:30am, spent 9 hours at work, did an hour of cardio at the gym, got home around 7ish, and finally drank my dinner around 8:00pm.  By that time I only had about 2 hours before it was time to go to bed.

I went to bed at 10pm, woke up at 6:30am.  I'm down 2.2 lbs from yesterday.  By the time I get through work and my hair appointment I won't get home until around 7:30pm.  She slept in until 10am today.  And she's complaining that she is too tired?  It's hard not to be jealous of people who don't have to work.  I know it can be a trade off.  Not all people who don't work are rich.  Often it means sacrificing by having less money.  Or no money.  But jeez.  It must be nice not to be chained to a job.

About a million years ago I went to Vegas with a group of 4 other girls.  None of them had jobs and they all had more money to spend then I did.  I was struggling so badly, very depressed and it only depressed me more to realize that I worked so hard every day and I was still broke.  They were either students or married to someone who supported them.  A million years later I found myself in the similar situation.  Still, I'm the only one who had to go back to work when we got back from our trip and they both had plenty of spending money for Vegas.  My sister does sacrifice on money to stay home with her kid.  She has hardly any spending money day to day and doesn't get to shop much.  J is preggo and quit her job a month ago because they gave her a hard time about taking vacation.  She was one of the ones being supported by someone those many years ago on that other Vegas trip.  She's always been in a position where working was optional AND she still always has money.  She does not sacrifice because she's not working.  She buys whatever she wants.

Woe is me.  It's not fair!  I'm totally whining and I know I'm not the only one in the world working hard to keep the bills paid.  But sometimes I get really tired.  I'm really feeling it right now because I'm tired and I've been extremely unmotivated at work.  When do I get my chance to chill, live life and not have to work?  And sadly the answer is never.  I'll be working until just before I hit the grave and only then will I be able to stop because you can't work when you are dead.

When we were in Vegas there was this old guy who took our bags to hold at the hotel before we checked out.  He had to be at least late 60's and he was doing this hard physically demanding job.  It makes me sad when I see old people doing demanding jobs.  They are old.  They should be able to finally relax and it's sad to see them working so hard because they have to pay bills and knowing that they may never get to enjoy retirement.  I don't know his story.  I don't know the circumstances that lead him to where he is today.  Hell, maybe he even wants to work and doesn't just HAVE to.  All I know is that I don't want to have to work at that age but I will probably have to.

There are plenty of people who manage to get through life without ever working.  Disability, parental support, spousal support, government assistance or what have you.  A lot of them do barely get by so I'm not sure that it would be worth it.  And I would never trade my good health for anything.  It is a tempting prospect to try to be one of those people that work the system for government assistance because working every day prevents you from living life and I feel like that is potentially more valuable then a paycheck.  It may not be the case for everyone but if I don't work I don't have money to live life anyways.  It's a nasty circle.  I also know that even though I love the idea of not having to work it would be hard for my pride.  I don't like depending on others and I always like to pull my own weight.  I'm sure it would kill my sense of self worth to just be jobless.  The only situation where it wouldn't bother me at all is if I was just filthy rich from a rich family or my husband was just some kind of millionaire tycoon or something.  There would literally be no point in me grinding away at a job for 30k per year if that was the case.  We certainly wouldn't be hurting if I didn't bring home my measly paycheck so then I would have resources to make my own work by pursuing passions.

Even if I had a child I still would not be able to stay home.  I'd pop out the baby and be right back to work quicker then you can say maternity leave.  That is one of two reasons I don't want to have a kid.  Well, I guess technically it's one because it all comes down to money.  First of all I would want to be able to stay home but I would need to go back to work to earn money.  Second of all, they are too expensive.  I guess I'm just not willing to make all the sacrifices it would entail in order to make it work.  I can even live with giving up my shopping but it's not just that.  I look at my budget and I just don't know where extra money would come from considering I'm at the top of my pay scale for this position and basically never getting another raise.  I just don't want to struggle.  I've been broke for so many years and I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't feel broke and scared every day about money so I don't want to go back to that.  If I had a kid I'd want to stay home until they go to kindergarten and I wouldn't be able to do that so forget it.  I clearly don't want children bad enough.

We work to live.  Such is life.