Four Day Weekend and Cheesy Bread

There seems to be only a very few in my reading list that post regularly anymore.  What happened to everyone?  For me it was a combination of getting fat and getting to disgusted with myself to come over here and whine and complain about it over and over again.  I'd lost hope.  Even if things are bad if I have hope I feel inspired to write but once I've lost all hope I become empty and so disgusted with myself that I can't even write about it.  Well, I still am not nearly where I should be but I do have hope again.  That's something.  This morning I woke up at 117 lbs.  I haven't seen that number in so long.  It's too high but seeing it did make me feel hopeful that I'm not a total failure and that maybe just maybe I'll reach my goal.

Yesterday I went with my husband to his flag football game.  Then we went to a nearby open house.  Just to look and see what's out there since we aren't in the market for anything right now.  It's still fun to look.  Then we went to lunch and I ordered the cheesy bread.  It's an appetizer but I ordered it for my entree.  I was telling myself to order the Margarita Flatbread instead because it's lighter but I still get that cheese and bread that I love so much but the cheesy sourdough bread won out.  It was worth every single bite.  It was so good!  I'm still thinking about it.  I'm totally obsessed with food.  The good thing is that after eating that at about 2:30pm I absolutely was not hungry for the rest of the day.  I had no cravings.  I wasn't trying to sneak bites of things out of the pantry.  I was satisfied and that was the only thing I had eaten all day aside from coffee and Fiber 1.  I was a little worried because I felt like I was retaining water but I had a BM and was down from yesterday.  Such a relief.  I still think I'm still retaining water today so we'll see what tomorrow brings. 

I've been backing off from the gym a little.  I got sick last month and for the day that I ate soup and grill cheese sandwiches twice that day I lost weight even though I layed around all day.  I reminded me that weight loss truly is mostly about diet.  When I'm working out sometimes I let myself get out of control with eating and then tell myelf I'm doing cardio this week so I'll burn it off but it doesn't always work out that way.  Sure, if I over eat one day the gym will help get me back where I was but when the over eating is consistent not even the gym is going to totally negate that.  It just doesn't work that way.  I still consistently exercise at least twice a week but I haven't been throwing in extra gym days.  On Friday instead of worrying about calorie burn I just did the yoga class at the gym and left it at that.  Killing myself in the gym wasn't working because I wasn't consistent for long enough periods of time with my eating.  I've not been perfect over this last month but I've been a lot more consistent and I think it's finally chipping away at the weight.  It takes me soooo long.  It's so frustrating sometimes.

I'm scared every day that I'm going to blow it and wake up at 122 again.  Last week I saw 120 and it was awful even though I think it's water retention.  As much as I've wanted to give up I just can't.  God, I wish I could just say screw it and eat Pizza and chocolate every day.  Just eat what you want!  But I can't do it.   My husband boycotted Valentine's day this year.  I was kind of hurt about it but the upside is that I didn't get any extra sweets or a big dinner out that could have messed things up.  We already have Girl Scout cookies in the house.  I didn't need anything else.

I'm a little worried about my budget right now because my auto insurance finally went up from an accident I had a long time ago.  At the same time my pay check went down because they changed the Social Security deduction.  I was actually supposed to get a $50 a month raise but that got eaten up by the SS changes and then with my insurance going up that hurt me too.  I basically got a pay cut.  That means I won't be contributing any extra to retirement like I wanted to.  Thank goodness I did my shopping when I had the chance 'cause I probably won't be doing too much of that.  We'll see how it goes.

I'm on a 4 day weekend and it's been so great.  I've gotten out every day but I havne't been ripping and running and packing errands in or anything.  It's been very leisurely.  Friday yoga was so nice.  Then I came home, started dinner (small miracle) and then relaxed.  Saturday football in the morning and lunch out with hubby in the afternoon.  Today nothing.  Tomorrow cardio at the gym in the morning and then a few errands.  Nice and easy.