Last week I was retaining water again which really, really sucked. I HATE when that happens. I seem to be okay this week which is good. I feel like I'm getting into my restriction mode again. That feeling of hunger is always present and I'm learning to deal with it. I feel like I'm having to teach my body to get by on less again. It's been two weeks with not a single slip up or had that sensation of fullness from anything but water. I think it's the longest time I've gone without screwing up in a while and it's probably because I haven't had any lunches or dinners out or anything like that. I haven't truly been tested and it's by default but I'll take it anyway it comes.
I'm so not the hostess type. First of all, it's only in the last two years that I've had a home big enough to host anything. Secondly, I don't have a lot of friends. Thirdly it can be expensive even just for a few people. Lastly, I don't really enjoy cooking and preparing food. I'm having a little get together at my house tomorrow but it won't be having any fancy like if my husband were here. It took me forever just to come with anything at all. I'm the worst host ever. I thought about just ordering some food in but that felt like a real cop. I'd feel like a fool if I invited everyone over to eat fast food and anything healthy or from a real restaurant would probably be too expensive. I need to at least make an effort so I've come up with some simple things I can easily make and put together. One of them is a frozen food I just have to throw in the oven. I wasn't even sure if I would do this but we put all this money into our house so I kinda want to show it off. Someone besides just the two of us should see it. Also, it's just really nice to have friends get together and hang out. This way we can just chill out and we don't have to rush out of a restaurant so as not to take up space.
Hopefully my willpower will hold up. I hate it that I can't just know for sure that I won't over do it. It's like the food has control over me instead of the other way around which I hate.I'm in total control of the menu which I like, so I'm trying to come up with stuff that's not just junk. But it doesn't matter what it is if you eat too much of it. I had a good weigh in today and I'm so scared of ruining it. When I think about it what's the point? When I go to Europe in two weeks I'll undoubtedly gain anything I manage to lose between now and then. Sigh.
I'm always afraid no one will want to come to my party. I am afraid to invite people for fear that they will say no and then I'll feel rejected. My mom and sister are coming so that's cool. At least that's two more people there. I invited four friends. Two said yes, one said she probably was going out of town for the weekend and the fourth hasn't replied at all. I was too afraid to invite my co worker. She invited me to her wedding and we have a lot in common but it's not like it's any big party or anything. I was afraid of having her say no so I just didn't invite her at all. She's kind of a homebody like me and we both talk about how precious are weekends are so I wasn't sure if she'd even want to come at all. It might have been awkward if she'd said no so now I don't have to worry about it.
It's so hot here!! The heat has not let up for the last month or so. It's supposed to be 100 tomorrow. I am so glad this week is over. It's been really busy. My mom, sister and nephew are spending the night and I'm looking forward to it.
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