I ate so bad on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Thank goodness the happy hour thing didn't pan out last Friday. I told hubby I would go but then they changed it to this coming Friday. Saturday was the wedding. BAD. Sunday hubby wanted Pizza so we ordered it and I proceeded to eat 3 slices because I can't control myself. I had already agreed to lunch with hubby on Monday at this place because I wanted to try their hamburger so that was lunch on Monday. With Garlic Steak Fries. So, it went like this: Saturday 1469, Sunday 1785 and Monday 1375 calories. Whoa. Yes, I felt disgusting even as I was doing it but I did it anyways. I hate myself for wanting and needing food so I feel like a real loser for admitting that I enjoyed what I was eating. While I'm in the act of pigging out it's almost like I separate my actions from my mind. It's the pre anxiety inner battle before hand and the post binge guilt that really gets to me the worst. Sometimes I just get so tired of fighting it. I try so hard to navigate the food traps in my social calender. I avoid lunches with hubby when I can and I haven't gone to happy hour with friends in a while just because I don't trust myself and it's never the "right time" for me to have a slip up. I have to balance that with dinner with hubby at home. I'm always in my phone tracking every calorie and I keep up with exercise and yet still never get the results I want. I just said screw it and went with whatever was happening and didn't even bother trying to resist. Plus, I just kept telling myself that hubby leaves on Saturday and I'll have over a month of eating whatever the hell I want whenever the hell I want without hubby's influence. I'll deal with the fall out then. The only good thing to come out of the three day food fest is that I went #2 four days in a row. They say you are supposed to have a BM every day and some even do it twice a day but I've never had that skill. I think I finally fed my body enough consistently for it to do it. Yesterday my cals were 972 so I'm already jumping back on the band wagon. Even though I always fantasize about how awesome it would be to eat more normally my body really doesn't want to eat that much all the time. I could never do that every day consistently. I felt so overloaded and disgusting that I relished that first day of staying under 1,000.
I ended up not going to hubby's kick ball game two weeks ago because I realized that I miscalculated and could still go today which would really be the last time before he leaves. So I'm meeting up with him and his two teammate friends after work today for that. We're going to dinner first but I already know what I'm getting and trust myself to stick to it. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym. Friday I'm chilling with hubby and hopefully NOT going to that re scheduled happy hour. He has a lot to do and he says he's just going to stop by real quick so I'm not sure if there is any point of me going too. I take him to the airport early Saturday and then there is a Pizza party for my nephews Birthday at my sister's new house. It's about 2 1/2 hours from me so I'm driving to my parents after I drop hubby off at the airport and then riding with them. I cannot seem to escape Pizza!
Thanks for the input on that scale. I don't really see having it and hiding it as an option. I really don't want to keep a secret like that because if he ever finds out it'll be really obvious that I hid it from him. I'll e mail customer service and just ask them if weights can be cleared or not and if so how easily. In the meantime I've switched from the one that measures in 1/2 lb increments to the one that measures every tenth between pounds. That other one is screwy. Hell, they all are for the most part but I feel that the 1/2 lb scale consistently weighs me higher for no reason and seems to fluctuate erratically more so then the other one. I already know that both scales are higher then the ones at the doctor's office and at the gym. The weird thing about both of those scales is that they don't require batteries. I've had the 1/2 lbs scale since 2004 or so and never once replaced batteries. I don't even see a place to put them in. The other one was hubby's and since we've been together (4 yrs) never once has he had to replace his. I don't even know what these scales are powered by!! I'd say they are magical but that can't be true because if they were then they would say what I want them to!
Kitty; you asked me why hubby doesn't want to stay in our house. He says it's not his "dream home." He would like to have a bigger kitchen and a larger back yard some day. Although-neither one of us really wants to take care of a big yard. For me, I don't think it's necessarily my "dream house" per se because if money were not a major determining factor I can't say I would have picked it. For me it IS a dream just to have a house and I do feel like it's a good size for the two of us, it's nice and it really fits our needs. It's a great house and I really do love it. Sometimes I do wish we had a bigger garage because there would be more storage and getting in and out of the car would be easier. More cupboard and counter space in the kitchen would be nice. And I do wish that our shower and tub were nicer. It's this fiberglass that doesn't ever look clean no matter how much I scrub it so I don't even use the tub because then it would just end up dirty looking and there is no hiding that behind glass doors like the shower. That's my only issue with our bathroom. Aside from those little things I love the house. Some of the things we want can't be changed but overall I still think that if I never had another house I'd be okay. Hubby just doesn't agree.
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