How can I get mad because other people are rich and I'm not? I was reading a blog and this blogger has already been to Europe twice this year AND NYC. She's in London now and she posted about the hotel they are staying in. It's freaking $800 a night USD!! She lives in a high rise LA condo, travels a lot and has an 8 year old who wears Tory Burch flats so I knew she was rich but I didn't know she was THAT rich. My goodness. They've been in London for at least a week now on $800 per night! I swear. I just can't believe how rich people are. And don't even get me started on the blogger who's family of four is flying to London soon for the Olympics. I about freaked out over my $1,000 airline ticket, am hoping to spend no more then $125 a night on hotels and chances are this will be my last trip to Europe for a very long time if ever again. I really hate how jealous I am. It's so ugly. It's so petty. But there it is. It's not just about more or even just money it's about being better then what I am. I want to be thinner, prettier, more creative, smarter, kinder, just BETTER. I know it has more to do with myself internally then what other people are doing. If I was okay with me then it wouldn't matter. I don't want to be them. I don't wish them ill will. When I see others excel in areas where I am average it makes me reflect on myself and feel lesser than. Like, well what am I doing? Don't get me wrong; I'm ALWAYS grateful for what I got but sometimes it just makes me feel like a failure for not being better then what I am.
So when I went to the eye doctor for my regular exam he immediately noticed my left lid was lower then the other. It's not a lazy eye. It could be loss of muscle tone or something neurological he said but nothing to worry about and it's not due to age. I felt so embarrassed. But then, just two days later we were out to dinner and two older ladies made a comment to my husband as we were walking out of the bar area that I was beautiful. I had noticed them looking at me a bit but thought I was imagining it of course. They thought maybe I was an actress or a model or something. So, that made me feel good and when hubby told me what they said I went over and thanked them. I was feeling so down about my appearance. How did those two ladies know how much I needed a boost like that? I finally busted out those designer white skinny jeans that night too. I bought them months ago but have been too afraid to take the tags off because I figured I'd get too fat for them any day. I felt good wearing them.
I went out to lunch with my sister and her friend on Sunday. I ate only half my casadilla and skipped alcohol which was good but ate a crap load of tortilla chips which was bad. Of course the talk went to relationships since M is just fresh off of being dumped. I used this opportunity to talk about how solid my husband and my relationship is. I made sure to state that I don't think my relationship is hard and I don't think that relationships are supposed to be as hard as everyone seems to believe. If you are in the right relationship then it's not that hard. My sister says that issues make them hard and I said it's not the issue per se that makes it hard it's how you handle them as a couple. I also said that there are people who might be married for years and years on end but that doesn't mean they are happy or that it's a "good" relationship. Some people are long suffering and they settle for that for a lot of different reasons. If you are compatible your relationship is going to be a lot easier then if you are not. If you are not compatible then you better damn well be able to communicate with each other and compromise or else it will be incredibly hard indeed. I said all this not to brag about my own relationship but because those are things that I want her to know but have a hard time saying to her personally. Saying it in a group allowed me to say it but not direct it at her. She got with him so she could move out of my parents house and then she had a kid so she could quit her job and stay home. Her relationship sucks. They don't communicate well and are total opposites. He thinks he knows everything. He's very close minded and he's weird. He showed up at the beach wearing jeans, polo shirt and tennis shoes, would not go near the water and just sat there at the cabana by himself all day. That's just one example. They are totally incompatible. They can't even take a vacation where they spend time together because they don't like the same things. All he likes to do is drink (he's not an alcoholic or anything though) and party and dance at clubs. That's his idea of fun and vacation even at his age. Oh, and he doesn't mind the movies every now and then. That's it. They may stay together and be married longer then anybody around but it will be hard and if she wants to settle for that then it's on her. She chose him. She knew from the start how difficult he was and how difficult things could be with him but she married him anyways. He's not a cheater or a beater or even a bad guy. He's just not right for her and it upsets me because she deserves better. She's sweet, happy go lucky and open minded-totally unlike her husband. I've accepted that it's her life and her choice. It's just so sad to see.
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| Rear View |
I'm at work again with nothing to do.
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