I'm Hungry

Ever since I did the low carb diet I've been craving meat and cheese.  When I think about what dinner I want it's not PBJ.  It could have nothing to do with that diet but I can't ignore the coincidence.  This morning I had a hard boiled egg for breakfast and Tuesday I had egg beaters again.  Yesterday at the grocery store I bought a block of cheese because I missed eating it with lettuce and ham.  I'm wanting to buy a ton of chicken breasts, cook it and then keep it at work because if I ate a chicken breast (oh my god real food like a real lunch) I would probably eat the same amount of calories I do in my usual work snacks, be more satisfied and use up less carbs.  Never in a million years would I have ever even considered that an option before.  The only thing stopping me right now is that meat is probably more expensive then my snacks and I'm not even sure why but it would be weird telling me husband that I want chicken for lunch now.  Also, I don't do lunch.  I eat some snacks in my office but nobody ever sees me eat lunch at work so I'd actually feel very self conscious about doing it now.  This is an interesting turn of events for me.  I've also been eating very carefully and very cautiously.  There were Girl Scout cookies yesterday and I didn't even take one.  I didn't even think about it.  Today, I did take two but I tucked them away for later.  My thought process lately has changed from "oh well, it's just one cookie and it won't hurt as long as my cals are low" to "that cookie has carbs in it.  Do I really want to eat that right now?"  I've been keeping my carbs under 150.

I'm hungry.  I'm not gonna lie.  All week I've been filling my tummy just enough to feel satisfied for that moment but not enough to last for even a full hour after the meal.  After I eat dinner I eat my little snack and I'm still hungry.  I'm probably on the edge of a binge right now but just haven't given in; and I don't plan to.  My mind set right now has me accepting that hunger is part of the deal if I want to keep my body thin.  I don't get to eat like everyone else.  I got weak and forgot about that for a while.  Since I'm all freaked out about carbs these days if I eat chicken then at least maybe I won't be so hungry.  I've been holding steady at 113.5 which is good but kinda sucks to be so hungry and just maintaining.

Randoms

• Did anyone see True Life: I have Orthorexia?  I'm all over any ED shows so if anyone missed it and wants to see it you can probably catch it on MTV online.  
• I swear my boss stares at my thigh gap when we talk.  She can't be looking at my crotch right? I know she's not gay.  Anyhow, it makes me very self conscious.  After we are done talking I usually glance down to see if my fly was open or something. 
• I wore my new work out clothes to the gym this week.  I felt awesome and cute in my under armor gear.  I also have these cool shorts with the undies inside and stripes down the side like everyone is wearing.  Anything helps when you gotta drag yourself to the gym for an hour on the Elliptical.  
• I have a public blog and sometimes it makes me sad that I'm not that popular.  I do have more followers here then there.  It's just one more thing that I'm so so at but not awesome at. Some blogs literally have thousands of followers and 30 comments per day.  I just keep reminding myself that public or private I love to write, I blog for me first and I enjoy doing it.  That's what matters most. 
• Work has been super busy.  The days go by fast but boy oh boy is there a lot to do.  I stay in my office for lunch breaks usually and surf the internet so I guess it's my own fault when people try to talk to me about work stuff or I have to answer the phone 'cause it's just ringing while I'm on my lunch.  I don't like to be a bitch about that kind of thing and normally it's not a big deal but the nicer you are the less they care to even consider that I'm on lunch and with how busy we are I really need that hour.