Bread Binge

We went to Souplantation on Saturday (hubby's idea).  Total fail there.  When we went grocery shopping earlier that day I bought the fresh baked bread that I particularly love.  They bake the best french bread of any grocery store in town and I knew that I'd essentially have to eat the whole loaf alone because hubby is on a no carb thing.  Well, that's exactly what I did.  That's all I ate yesterday pretty much and the sucker is gone.  Because of the bread binge I gained some more.  I'm not surprised that this has happened but I am totally disgusted with myself.  I feel so ashamed.  On top of that I'm feeling backed up again.  It seems I go through phases where the BM's just come without any problems but it's cyclical.  I'll do good for a week or even two and then it shuts down.  I still haven't figured out an exact pattern.

I made salad for dinner with Grilled Chicken on Friday and I made stuffed green peppers last night.  Hubby was getting on my nerves Friday asking me whats for dinner and insisting I make something when he's the only one who cares.  I'd just made chicken on Monday and Cabbage and Rice the week before too.  On Saturday before he had the bright idea to go to Souplantation I told him I wanted just some of my bread for dinner and he started in on me.

That's not dinner.  Cheese, apple and pretzels is not dinner either.

So what if it isn't.  I'm an adult.  My mama isn't here to tell me what I need to be eating anymore so I can eat what I want.  As long as I don't do it every night and my health isn't suffering so what.  Cereal isn't a "real" dinner and sometimes you eat that  so why can't I eat my "non dinners?"  If I just feel like eating a sandwich that's what I should able to eat.  I will eat some of the left overs if you'll just let me alone to do it instead of dictating meals and trying to come up with new ones when I haven't even had a chance to work on the left overs. 

I mean really.  It's not like I'm losing weight or anything!!

I'm planning gym today and tomorrow even though I know it'll hardly make a dent because it's my light cardio week.  I suppose I could work out hard core every single time to get and keep my weight down.  My patterns show that when I work out hard core the weight goes down but then I usually screw up and then it creeps right back up again on my light cardio week.  Hard core cardio every day just isn't realistic for me.  My knees need a break and so do I.  I'm enjoying the gym more now then before but I don't want to feel like I have to sweat puddles every time I go just to maintain my ideal weight.  I've always been very adamant about that.  I'll do what I can to at least not gain for this week.  I'll be doing hard core cardio next week.  Hopefully the numbers will improve and then I'll have to be consistent the week after which is light cardio AND then the week after that I'll be doing heavy cardio again which will ideally mean more progress.  That's three weeks minimum of ultimate consistency which I've been unable to do lately.  My body is super stubborn and I am good more days then I am bad but still; I have to take responsibility for what's happening.  I've just not been consistent.  I can eat 800's for 5 days then do a day of 1200 and gain a pound over night.  Which sucks. 

The interesting thing about this whole thing is that my physical appearance hasn't changed for the worse and my clothes still fit the same.  Even though I haven't reached my ideal number my stomach is more toned.  I'm getting obliques on the sides and my thigh gap is still gapingly there.  A lot of times when I weigh more then I want I look in the mirror and see myself fatter just because it's in my head but I'm able to clearly see that I don't look different.  Which begs the question.  Whey does it matter so darn much?

Question: 
Thinplse
You had a question about my skipping dinners.  If hubby is away I won't eat a traditional balanced dinner.  Instead, I'll eat an apple a serving of pretzels or almonds and a string cheese.  Something like that.  It feels lighter to me in my stomach.  It feel safer somehow and as long as I don't over do the snacks it helps with not gaining overnight.