Stop With the Freaking Out Already

Me in my new boots and new haircut.  Sorry 'bout the freaky face blur

This is a perfect example of how the body is totally unpredictable AND why it's best not to freak out and overreact if the scale doesn't say what I want it to say and/or what I think it should say.  Wednesday and Thursday my calorie intake was only 38 calories apart (900's).  Both days included no exercise and I'd say my liquids intake was about the same.  For dinner on both days I had a Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich with pretzels.   Thursday morning I weighed in at 112.5 and without changing much from one day to the next I weighed in a whole pound higher on Friday morning for no apparent reason.  Needless to say I was pretty confused.  But instead of having a mini meltdown and vowing not to eat dinner I just carried on as normal.  I had my coffee in the morning and then my usual work snacks.  Hubby wanted me to pick up dinner on the way home.  He said no Subway and no Pizza (not that I would ever be the instigator for that).  Last week we had Santana's and I had a serious craving for it again so that's what I got.  I had two delicious carne asada tacos; one with cheese and one without to save a few calories and had a light beer to go with it.  When I got home I was still 113.5 and after eating I'd gone up to 114.5 but was down to 114 by bedtime. 

This morning I'm down a pound.  After a much bigger dinner then the night before.  I should also mention that my BM's have been regular so far this week.  My increased water intake could have something to do with it.  Thank you to everyone who told me to chug it down and not to worry.  Instead of starving and running to the gym I ate dinner, spent the morning in my jammies and I lost 1/2 lb.  I need to realize that there might be times I weigh more because of liquid intake, lack of bowel movements or water retention.  Normally I freak out, starve and often it gets even worse.  There also might be times where I weigh more because I over ate.  Either way wasting time and emotion on freaking out makes no sense.  If I ate too much I need to get my butt to the gym and have a few good days of restriction.  If I'm gaining for seemingly no reason keep the food moderate and it will hopefully even out.  Take a deep breath and let it out.  It will be OK.  Chances are I can get the numbers back down.  And about wanting to be 112lbs but mostly staying closer to 114lbs...maybe that's not such a big deal either.  I think having that goal of 112 lbs keeps me motivated but I need to also loosen up and realize that it's not always going to be realistic.  Thus far my actual maintenance range has been 112-116 but I always panic when I hit 114.  I think I need to be more open to numbers beyond that to reduce my anxiety.  I'm thinking 112-115 with a 3 lb weight range might be more reasonable.  I've gone up to 115; the world didn't end have gone back down to 112 so I know that 114 isn't going to kill me!!

I often operate out of fear of losing control.  But realistically, nothing motivates me more then being "overweight" so if it happens then I'll be all over it trying to get back to where I want to be.  I've been maintaining in the teens and been able to actually eat longer then I ever expected I could.  I'm doing SOMETHING right and I need to give myself credit for that.   I can't keep living in fear.

This morning I had a PBJ for brunch AND I'm meeting a friend for dinner.  I'm planning to drink lots of water before I go out to run errands.  Having something in my belly means I won't be starving and end up buying candy impulsively.  I plan to eat moderately and not stress out about my weight.  I seriously need a break from that mess!