Shopaholic

This week has just been humming along.  I've had to go somewhere after work every day this week.  Monday gym, Tuesday gym, Wednesday hair.  Today I'm going straight home to watch last night's Top Model and then take a test online for school.  Kinda nervous.  I got an 80 on the last one which is just barely a B.  Hubby has kick ball so he won't be home.  It's got me thinking I should not eat dinner even though I'm really hungry and haven't eaten much all day (as usual).  If he's not there sometimes I feel really indulgent for eating when I technically didn't have to.  I'm not so happy with where my weight keeps settling and I know I'll have to kick things up a notch to see the lower end of my maintenance weight and I just haven't done it.  I've just been feeling so piggish. 

Kitty and A Quiet Battle commented that my calorie intake for the last two weeks wasn't as terrible as I thought it was. Each week there were only 2 days out of 7 that I managed to stay under 1,000.  For me that's horrid!!  When I'm in weight loss mode I stay closer to 800 and seeing all of those round zero's all over the place just seems like sooo much.  My disordered brain thinks it is anyways.  My realistic brain knows that it really isn't.  Even though I'm in maintenance mode and have upped my calorie budget a bit under 1,000 is still where I feel most comfortable so I have a tendency to see that as my norm and anything else as danger fat zone.  Especially when I'm close to 114.  My current calorie budget is usually 1,050 or so.  I allow flexibility with that on weekends or dining out days and don't beat myself up if I go over it but day to day I want to be at or just below that.  Maybe my body does want more and could use more...but I'm too afraid to do it on a regular basis.  My calories Monday to Wednesday this week so far have been in the 800's or less.

I bought another pair of boots.  I am so out of control it is ridiculous.  I swear, I don't know what is wrong with me.  It's like all of those months of poverty where I couldn't spend a dime have turned me into some kind of shopaholic.  This is my 4th pair of boots since last month!  I'm running out of room in our closet and our closet is a pretty good size.  Aside from that I've bought about 10 shirts and 2 sweaters.  I just went crazy.  I still want a brown leather jacket but I think I'll ask for that as a Christmas present from hubby.  I think I'll really like having a nice jacket that he bought for me.  For real this time; my big time shopping must stop.  The holiday's are around the corner and while I have been saving money I want to save even more.  I ordered them online from DSW and they don't have them in the store so I hope that I like them and that they are comfortable.

Work has been slow today...which is good because I've been able to study for my test.  It's almost quitting time.  I'm at 242 calories for the day so far and I'm contemplating dinner.  If I don't eat maybe I can get back down to 113 and if I do, then chances are I'll be stuck on 113.5.