The Same 2 Pounds

So, I realize I gain and lose the same 2 pounds over and over again.  I lose then I get happy.  I gain then I get all stressed out and upset about it.  It's this cycle but it's only over 2 pounds which seems really ridiculous when I think about it.  Isn't that what maintenance is?  Maintaining within a certain weight range.  I decided that 112-114 lbs would be OK.  Actually, I said 114-116 lbs would be OK but every time I get to 114 lbs I start freaking out.  I think for me it's mostly about the fear of losing control.  When I get close to the high end it just makes me want to jump out of my skin.  I've gotten better about just going with the flow and taking the 114's as they come but it still bugs me that I haven't been able to maintain 112 lbs for any consistent period of time.  I managed 112 lbs for exactly one day last week.  I actually did really good on Friday night.  I was at 113 lbs that day and did not gain at all after going out to eat.  Way to go me!!  We met some friends for dinner and I had three steak street Tacos and one glass of champagne.  Apparently it was the perfect amount of food.  I was satisfied but didn't feel stuffed.  We went to a Haunted House after that which was very disappointing.  Not very scary at all-but it was still a fun night.  Then Saturday I had to go and sabotage myself.  The road to hell was paved with good intentions.  I swear.  I have all the best intentions in the world and next thing you know I've eaten too many calories and I'm left confused and totally annoyed with myself.  I don't even know how this happens.  We went to Outback and I thought my choices were OK but they sure did add up.  I didn't over do it on the bread and I had crispy flatbread and a side salad.  I drank my entire glass of water.  I gained a whole pound by the next day.  So Sunday I almost just didn't care.  I felt like I should go work out but I did do my exercise video the day before and I just wanted chill.  I had homework and DVR stuff to catch up on.  I took a nap.  I wanted to sort of relax myself and not stress so I just said "NO, I'm not working out, I will eat without freaking out, I have two heavy cardio days planned already and it will not be the end of the world."  Hubby made pancakes.  I ate them.  I made french fries for dinner.  Which sucked by the way.  How could I ruin that?  I baked them in the oven and I forgot to spray the pan so they sort of stuck and I couldn't risk flipping them over to cook the other side so they were not crispy on both sides.  I'll do better next time.  I decided I wanted a snack so I had a cookie and a piece of string cheese.  I sort of just felt like...WHATEVER!!  I just get SO TIRED of caring so darn much.  I ended up with 1,236 calories which is totally uncalled for on just a regular day but oh well.  I'm moving on.  Compounding the problem is my persistent inability to poop.  I had a good BM on Tuesday of last week, I did about 2 pellets on Friday night and that's all folks.  I've been drinking water.  I've not been totally starving.  I've been eating my Fiber.  What gives?  I'm not even asking for every day but every other day or every two days would be great. 

My HRM seems to be working out OK now.  It's calculating less on the Elliptical then the machine does which sucks but I do want to know how much I'm REALLY burning.  It calculated that I burned 280 calories during my exercise video on Saturday.  I like it that I won't feel chained to the gym and work out machines just so I can get my calories calculated.  I'm not sure what the issue was before...probably me just being lame.  It is a bit annoying that you have to stop to test the heart and see the calorie count pop up ('cause of course that's all I really care about) so I might get one with a chest strap down the road but for now this one seems to be OK.  It's fun to wear it doing every day activities just to see how much I burn.  I also went shopping on Saturday!  I had a 20% off coupon at Kohl's and I've been needing some long sleeved tops.  I ended up with 2 identical open cardigan sweaters in two different colors and 5 tops.  Only one veered off the course and was short sleeved because it was such a pretty pink that I couldn't resist it.  All very good prices.  I still feel a bit nervous about spending money with this foreclosure business still going on.  I'm HOPING that I will finally receive a rent check for October (we usually get them on the 25th of the month) and that will be extra money to put into savings.  It does feel good to be able to go out and buy what I need though without having a breakdown.

Oh my goodness!  Work has been super busy for the last couple of weeks.  We had someone get promoted out of the department so we've all gotten dumped with extra work.  I don't even know if I can DO this project I'm working on that is due tomorrow.  It is a formatting nightmare and I've got another pressing task to do.  To make matters worse my computer got a virus Friday morning.  Everything got wiped out so I floated around on Friday and felt all out of sorts while trying to do my work away from my office.  I was stuck using Internet Explorer for reading blogs (not that I actually had time for it) and it wouldn't let me comment.  I've been using FireFox because for some reason Explorer is very screwy for Blogger.  One of my co workers is super chatty and I like her so I didn't mind chatting but I wasted too much time with this looming project coming up.  My lunch break is over.  I better get back to work.

Kitty is interested in seeing some day to day calorie logs of my intake so I will post some soon.  I've been eating way too many cookies lately since hubby baked about a billion last week so don't be surprised if a bunch of them pop up!!  I'm also working on a saga of what is my weight loss journey.  I've been working on it for a while actually but I was waiting for my journals to clarify my time lines.