I'm not tired!!!

The Weekend
Friday night I should have just gone home after work like I said I would but I'm too nice and I went even though I knew those girls were not there yet AND that they would not show up when they said they would.  I sat there for 1 hour and 45 minutes by myself waiting.  Well, not totally by myself.  This very nice guy sat down and chatted me up.  He even bought me a drink.  It was good conversation and he knew I was married so we were both just passing the time.  I had 2 glasses of wine and my usual gorging on cheese and tortilla chips.  I have never seen so many animal prints, bad clothes, poor wardrobe choices and too tight clothes on too fat bodies.  It was a ridiculous assortment of some pretty bad looking women that night.  I try to be nice but people watching and talking smack is half the fun when you go out.  What's the deal?  Is no one in shape these days.  It was bad.  The last girl who was supposed to come never even made it.  She got there so late that the line was too long for her to even get in.  Lame.  By the time we left I was over it, tired and pretty ready to go.

The baby shower was fun.  My mom came with and it was one of the nicest baby showers I've ever been too. This girl has so many friends and she had so many people who helped out.  She is one of those social butterfly types.  She is really a genuine person and that's why she is so well liked.  They had a theme and cute decorations.  It was at a restaurant and there was a buffet set up.  I ate but did not over indulge.  I gained as expected but was determined to fight back.  Mom spent the night which was pretty fun.  She left early Sunday morning and I went straight to the gym to hit the Elliptical.  I had a negative net calorie day.  I'm not sure if that's ever happened so that was pretty cool.  517 Food minus 575 Exercise equals -58 calories for the day.  Yeah!

Monday
Third work day in a row that I'm not tired.  I worked then went to the gym for another hour on the Elliptical.  I burned 560 calories and ate 773.  Not bad. 

Tuesday
I'm not tired again!!  I worked and then went home and had a wrap for dinner again.  I've been eating that a lot which is fine because it's pretty light and so delicious.  I'm using high Fiber tortilla's too and we all know I can use all the Fiber I can get.  I worked on homework and got almost no where on my assignment and then went for a 30 minute run/walk that night.  I burned 175 calories and ate 864.

Today
I'm not tired again and I'm so excited about this.  My theory is that the reason I was so tired before is that I just wasn't getting enough sleep.  I've not changed a thing.  My diet, bed time, schedule and exercise is basically the same but I think that now I'm getting into that deeper REM sleep whereas before I just wasn't.  I would go to bed and think I was sleeping OK but I don't think I was which was causing me to be so worn out almost the minute I'd wake up.  That has to be it.  I can find no pattern as to why I have insomnia at times, why I think I'm sleeping but am not and why I just get darn good sleep.  Again, I've not changed a thing but I wake up and have had much more energy which is great.  Life is just so hard when you are tired so I'm really hoping this lasts.

So far my heart rate monitor is a bust.  Well first of all my sister told me to get the Heart Rate Pro so I did.  I knew I should have done the research myself instead of listening to her!  That one didn't calculate calories so we both sent them back as soon as we got them.  Then we got the Mio Motiva Pink.  My sister thinks I should exchange it because maybe it's a lemon but I'm not so sure.  My sister bought the same one and she is having no problems with it.  This is her 2nd one and she likes it.  I'm not sure if it's me or the watch at this point.  I've used it for 3 work outs so far and only got it to accurately record my calories on the last one.  And even then I had a hard time getting it to test my heart rate.  The first two times it wouldn't allow me to test my heart AND it wouldn't calculate calories.  I know I burned more then 11 calories or 0 calories in an hour on the Elliptical!!  I wore it all day at work on Monday and for 9 hours of a pretty sedentary day I burned about 800 calories.  That's about 88 calories per hour which I'd say makes sense.  Then, when I went to go work that night I couldn't get it to calculate anything.  I don't want one with a chest strap and I really like this one because it's really cute and pink so I really don't want to send it back.  I'll keep trying but I have 30 days to make up my mind.  They aren't going to be having the 50% off by then so if I have to send it back then I won't be getting another.  If anyone has any HRM advice let me know.

I'm sitting at 113 lbs today.  Only a pound away from the much desired 112 lbs that has eluded me lately.   Considering I got up to a very scary 115 lbs just two weeks ago and 114 last week, I'll take it.  I'm so close but I have a feeling our out of town weekend getaway this weekend is not going to help my cause.  It's always something!  But the reality is that I control what I eat and trips or social events are not what is truly to blame.  It's me and my lack of willpower that is the problem.  I've got a long day because I have a hair appointment after work.  It's rainy out and I'd rather go home to my pajamas like always after a long day of work but I'm not tired.  I can make it.

I really appreciate all of your comments on my last post about feeling the curse of mediocrity.  I think what it comes down to is being OK with yourself.  If you are OK with yourself and love yourself then you will be OK with whatever it is that you are doing in your life without letting it define you and make you feel bad.  I've come sooo incredibly far.  I'm in so much of a better place that I don't get down as much about what I have or haven't accomplished nearly as much as I used to.  I don't think those negative feelings towards myself will ever totally go away.   I can't help comparing myself to others.  It's going to come and go but I'm so glad I don't feel suicidal about it anymore like the old days.  I may not be totally thrilled with where I'm at in life but I'm accepting and have kind of made peace with what I am and what is for the most part.