Chronic Fatigue & Fightin' the Fat

Monday
Tired.  Gym after work. My knees are still tender from my ice skating fall but are good enough for a quick Elliptical work out.  I've been almost constantly tired for at least the last month so I have self diagnosed myself with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Tuesday
Tired.  So tired.  Work all day.  Class all night.  I got an 88% on my final which is good.  I finally get home around 10pm take a shower and go to bed.  No dinner which is good because I'm fat.

Wednesday
Tired.  My eyes are glazed over with exhaustion all day.  Work is stressful.  I find out I'm going to be responsible for more duties because someone got promoted and is leaving.  It's complicated, there are all these deadlines involved, I don't know how I'm going to keep up with it and I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up.  I'm sick and tired of being tired all the time.  And I'm constantly hungry.  I'm too tired to go to the gym and I need to squeeze in a pedicure this week so I get one right after work.  I walk in the door with my arms full of crap, drop something on my foot and mess up my toe nail polish.  My heart rate monitor arrives and am happy but so tired I can barely enjoy it.  I burst into tears because I can't figure the directions out and can't figure out how to set it.  And I'm just so tired.  Hubby comes home to find me crying so he helps me out.  I find out that hubby got me a gift card to my favorite spa which I haven't been to in a while.  So sweet.  I really needed that.  Then, I feel bad for being annoyed that he's left his tie on the kitchen counter again and I have to step over his shoes.  I have PBJ for dinner and watch Dance Mom's.

Thursday 
I'm actually not tired today but I'm still fat.  114 lbs for the 4th day in a row and my cals have been 800 or less all week.  I'm basically hungry all day long.  I go to the gym after work.  My heart rate monitor stops counting my cals at 74 so I'm annoyed by that.  If the sucker doesn't work right I'll have to send it back.  My stomach was painfully bloated all day long.  It was awful.  I barely made it through my work out and I debate whether to eat.  I'm hungry but my stomach feels like it's about to explode.  Hubby is out so I eat snacks for dinner and watch America's Next Top Model.  After eating I do feel better.

Friday
I rush around like a mad woman getting ready.  I actually make an effort to put on mascara and eyeliner today.  I'm not tired for the second day in a row.  How exciting.  I'm on a roll here and I will enjoy it while it lasts.  I finally broke away from 114 and am 113 today but now I'm scared to blow it.  I'm debating over going to happy hour or not tonight with my friend's friend's.  My friend is pregnant so she's not going but I like her friends and haven't been to the spot in a while so I kinda want to go.  But I kinda just want to go home relax and be safe from overeating.  I'll play it by ear....oh she just texted me.  I'm leaning more towards going now but I know one thing.  If they are not there by the time I get off work then I'm going home.  They are always running late and I'm not waiting around.  I have my friend's baby shower tomorrow.  My mom is coming.  It will be fun but again...I DO NOT WANT TO BLOW IT.  My body is making me work hard for every loss and I know the minute I slip up it will be like starting all over again.  Trying to remember the last time I had a BM.  Monday?....Tuesday?

I need to work on my irritation factor level.  Hubby says I let things get to me too much.  I agree.  But, I do a lot better then I used to.  He has rubbed off on me some but he is the male version of Pollyanna.  Full of sunshine all the time, which to me is not normal.  I WISH I could be so unaffected.  I let the dishes pile up in the sink this week AND I didn't unload the clean one's from the dishwasher.  I didn't use any of them but maybe a few pieces of silverware.  I feel bad about it but at the same time I'm tired of trying to be the dish monitor.  I'm basically the house police and I just sort of gave up this week because I'm tired of talking and he's probably tired of hearing it.  I stepped over the shoes, tried to ignore the jeans laying on the floor all week and moved his pile of mail he left half sorted from the coffee table to his always messy desk.  The dishes in the sink are stinking and instead of asking him why didn't he put the trash bag in the trash can after he dumped the trash that morning I just threw my trash in the outside bin last night.  I'll let him be the one to discover it and realize that he didn't do it AND without having to say a word.  Normally, I'm the one who gets stuck putting in the bag or refilling the paper towel or toilet paper roll but not this time.  I'll probably get back to my efficient ways of just doing it but I needed a break.  And, I am determined to just mostly suck it up and not nag him about things which I am getting better at.  I end up feeling like a crappy wife and feeling bad overall when I do even if he should be picking up after himself.  He has improved some.  He is a good husband but cleaning and organization is not his strength.  It's mine so if that's something I can bring to the table I want to and I should without complaint.   He puts up with me, he pays more bills then I do, he's sweet, he's cute, he's changed my life and I love him.  I'm lucky to have him and I want him to feel the same way about me.