Verge of Vacation

I only spent $170 last month.  The bills are paid and I came in under my $295 budget for Miscellaneous and gas expenses.  I basically bought gas, a car wash and some food at Walmart in July.  I'm sorta getting used to being broke just like I thought I would.  It just takes a minute to absorb the fact that you cannot buy well...anything for the most part.  You have what you have and that's it.  Once I accept it I just deal. Mani and Pedi's are at home and if it's your Birthday you are just getting a card.  I don't think about shopping anymore.  I don't think about things I want to do or where I want to go.  I just sort of click that part of my brain off and get on with life as is.  I hardly have any errands anymore because usually errands involve spending money.  The $131 dollars I didn't spend will go towards my school fees that I put on my credit card.  Now, if I decide to not make my condo payment I have a lot more money to play around with would be just lovely.  I am leaning towards the foreclosure route but I technically have until August 15th to make that ultimate decision.  Once I miss a payment there will be no turning back for me.  I sent in my request to rent out my already rented out condo just to see what their answer will be.  I'm hoping to hear back before the 15th to help inform my decision.  If they say yes the rules are it's only for a year to give me time to re occupy the residence or sell it, neither of which are realistic options.  So, even if I can stall this out for a year I don't think I should.  I'd rather just save money and start on getting my credit ruined now so I can start on rebuilding it that much sooner.

My sister texted me on Sunday that she thinks has an eating disorder. Earlier that day she went to Winchell's and bought a Cinnamon Roll, Maple bar and carton of Milk and sat there and ate it in her car. She has to hide a single donut let alone two from her husband. They both knew she is trying to lose weight AND her husband is kind of a jerk who would give her a hard time about it. She may seek counseling because she constantly does things like this. She has to exercise so hard just to keep up with her insatiable desire to binge. She'll eat until her stomach hurts and can't keep ANYTHING sweet in her house or else it'll all be gone. I have a co worker who has always been slim. Not skinny slim, just normal average slim. I'd noticed that her thighs were starting to look bigger and then about a week later we were talking and she said she'd gained. She usually weighs 127 and had gained about 5 lbs. She says when she started college she was scary skinny at 112 lbs just naturally but she'd never want to be that thin again.  We are the same height and that's what I weigh but I didn't tell her my weight even though I could tell she kinda wanted to know.  I'm not the only one who has weight issues so I can have these conversations with people and chime in on all the right places. They don't even know the half of it.  My sister knows I'm extreme but we don't talk about it.

Intake for Tuesday August 3rd

Hubby made spaghetti with Italian Sausage on Sunday night (which I didn't eat because I had Subway earlier).  I've been eating a smallish portion of that for dinner all this week so far in addition to eating as minimally as possible during the work day and keeping calories in the 800's.  I got in my two 30 minute work outs on Monday and Tuesday.  So glad I am done for the week and.  112 lbs today! Yeah.  The two screwy scales were even in agreement today and read the same number which is a miracle.  I was so afraid that I had lost control of my body. I tried not to let it freak me out too much but there is always that fear that I won't be able to do it again. That no matter how I try or what I do that my body will not bend to my will. I can live with being 114 or even 116 as long as I know that I have the ability to get back to 112 when I want to.  It's the fear that I can't that sends me over the edge.  Only 2 lbs separate me feeling comfortable and me semi freaking out. Crazy.

I accomplished my goal of getting to this weight before my vacation but now the fear continues about what will happen while I'm on it.  Hubby has already said he wants to get McD's at the airport.  He is wasting no time in getting into the whole vacation eating mode.  No scale, away from home and gym, eating out, having fun, and hanging with friends and family is a recipe for disaster.  I just keep trying to tell myself I can travel and not overeat.  It is not the last vacation I will ever take and the meals I eat are not the last I will ever have.  Except I most definitely will be eating Pancakes when we go to Cracker Barrel because we don't have one in our state.  Thursday we are on a red eye flight so I should be OK that day.  Friday through Tuesday will be the days to watch out for.  I need to stop thinking about that part though and be excited that I'm going somewhere.  It's not a vacation, vacation.  It's a family reunion but it'll be a nice break from work and I always like to take trips with hubby.