Monday, no poop. Tuesday no poop. Wednesday no poop....so far at least. I got home Tuesday night after a long day of work, school and not eating and still weighed 114 lbs. I went to bed and woke up the next morning and what did the scale say? 114 lbs. I literally laughed to keep from crying. I so knew that would happen. I am the incredible non pooping woman after all. Everything that goes in stays in. I barely even pee right now and when I do it's dark yellow. I feel full all the time. I take a bite of food and I already feel uncomfortably full like I've eaten a ton of food and it's because I'm full of crap. I'm getting plenty of fiber so clearly I need to guzzle a ton of water but I'm scared. It's a terrible cycle. I'm constipated so I don't lose or I gain but because I've gained I'm too scared to drink the water that might help me. The number is already high enough, how can I fill my body with liquids that will only make it higher? So then I'm stuck. The most liquids I've been drinking in a day is my morning coffee which is 1/2 coffee diluted with 1/2 water (because it's too strong for me). Then maybe a half cup of water at home. Since we got our new refrigerator that dispenses water over a year ago my water consumption has gone way up. Probably still not at what is recommended but enough to keep my pee clear and along with my fiber keep things moving. When things are going good I'm eating reasonably, my weight is in the comfort zone, the food and liquids go in then they come out, I don't think as much about how much water I'm drinking and it's all good. But when I get nervous about my weight it triggers a fear of liquids and it gets to the point where I am too scared to take more then a few sips of anything at a time. It's basically a stand off. My body won't budge and neither will I. I've always had this liquid fear. I don't like that too full feeling it gives me. It makes me feel fat and triggers my anxiety about weight gain big time. So what now? Drink more water-duh!! But I'm scared. It's totally a mental thing.
At school I saw this tiny little asian girl wearing denim jeggings. Perfectly short and petite. Almost childlike. Then, I saw this other girl who was probably about my height and wearing a tight pair of jeans and a fitted cotton shirt. She was so tiny and so slim. I couldn't stop staring at her but I didn't want her to think I was a freak so I had to avert my eyes. I can't help but wonder if she is just naturally that thin. She even had that bony chest thing going on and then I hear her say "my daughter." How in the world could that tiny girl have delivered a baby? Jealous much? Yes. Very much so because next to both of those girls I felt like an elephant. I got home from class at 9:30pm took a shower and went to bed. My day was literally work and school. That's it. I was so tired that I slept like a rock last night. I feel well rested this morning and I'm going to the gym tonight after work. Hubby is making something with chicken breast so dinner should be safe enough. My appetite is sort of gone. It tends to disappear on me when I feel like a fat cow. Plus, since I'm full of shit I always feel full anyways which makes me want to eat even less. I've been dreading and fearing food more so then usual but the upside is that I just haven't been that hungry. I didn't get not one hunger pang yesterday on a 668 calorie day. The baby shower for Thursday got postponed. Thank god! Who plans a baby shower for a Thursday night anyways? There is no food function to worry about and I'll get to chill at home. It's barely 10:00 am. I still have many hours of work ahead of me. Sigh. Still praying for poops. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!
Comments:
Thanks to everyone that's been commenting in my time of dire need. I really appreciate it. Some tips for constipation I need to consider are Water to go along with the fiber (Em & A Quiet Battle), Green Tea & Kiwi (Kitty), and Super Cleanse (thinpls). Thanks! I also found out I'm not alone in my snacking addiction and TV watching/reading combo. Lindsay's tip is to ban snacking from certain rooms in the house. It's a great idea...if I could just get tough and force myself to do it.
I've also decided to give myself a real name here on blogger. I have found such a great community of supportive ladies here that it just feel right to have an actual name and not just a phrase to identify myself. Just call me Miranda dahling. You ladies are so awesome. It's like wow-there are actually people out there that totally understand the thoughts I struggle with every single day. You get me!! Thanks for reading.
I'm praying for a good poop for you! Lol
ReplyDeleteI find myself staring at skinny girls, too. Just yesterday at the gym, in fact. I always want to ask them if they're naturally thin or have a disorder. Don't think that would go over too well, though. Ha!
As I read this, my tummy is rumbling from the laxatives I took last night. It is SO FRUSTRATING,isn't it, to know the answer to the problem but just NOT be able to do it. I need to get off the laxies and I know how and the sooner the better... all that. But every night I look at them and flake on being brave and take them....
ReplyDeleteMy tips for pooping are: honeydew melon, and beets. If you have a juicer, just make a juice from both of those things, add an apple if you like. If you don't, it's probably better if you eat the food with the fiber. Melon, and shred some beet over your salad... Beets taste like dirt, but they're not SO bad and they'll totally work. Sometimes they make your, um, output red, like it looks bloody. So don't freak if that happens.
xoxo
oh ya. Eat an apple every night before bed
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're still not going :[ Sometimes after a binge I'll go straight to liquid fasting, and I'll drink the 100 calorie frappuccino bottles, and they have enough coffee in them for a natural laxative effect, so I can still go and get it all out despite not eating. Hope it all works out for you :]
ReplyDeleteOil is supposed to help if you can bring yourself to eat something with a bit in or a cup of hot water with some lemon juice usually does the trick, if you could bring yourself to drink some.
ReplyDeleteI always see girls like that too and want to stare and like A Quiet Battle want to ask that same question!
It's pretty rare that you have a group of girls that are rooting for you to have a nice poop. Ha ha!
ReplyDeleteAnd I openly stare at skinny girls. I know if I looked like them, I wouldn't mind people staring.
awww. i loooked at some of your wedding pics in past posts and you are so so tan and lovely!
ReplyDeleteand ur so lucky to have an awesome hubby.
p.s. hope that rebellious poop gets outta there.
xoxoxo
Water is definitely #1. Being well hydrated allows you to burn fat easier. You don't need to take big gulps. Just little sips, maybe at a rate of 1 cup an hour. It won't make you feel full. Just fresh and clean.
ReplyDeleteVegetables helps make me go. If I eat a big salad of romaine, I go within an hour. Also a big bowl of broccoli or spinach with a bit of olive oil on top. Super laxative, but also healthy for you.
Haha I feel the same about not being able to poop. It's amazing to go so long without doing anything unless I use laxxies or something.
ReplyDeleteI tend to notice slim girls too. It makes me feel rude or weird when I stare though. Sometimes you just can't help but notice.
xx
:o( I feel so bad for you! I was miserable the past few days, but today I finally had a B.M.!
ReplyDeleteLet's see what did I do: 1) 35.5g fiber the day before, mostly insoluble (bread, Fiber One, veggies). 2) Drank 8-12oz water with Emergen-c in it first thing in morning. 3) Exercised, drank about 20oz water during. 4) Drank 6oz of green tea. 5) Drank 20oz diet caffeine free soda. 6) B.M. around 2ish...
The one thing I did that was extremely different was take Emergen-c. I normally hate the stuff, but my sis said it helped her with constipation... And it seems it may have helped me out today. Maybe you too?
Oh, and I'm totally a "thin-girl-stare-er"! I try not to, but I'm so curious and envious.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the follow :)
ReplyDeleteI used to be a huge diuretic junkie, until I read somewhere that despite temporary loss they lead to water retention. The same article recommended adding lemon juice to water, and it totally totally works as a diuretic. (Like, 3 lb. water weight loss in one day?)
And those terrible-for-you sugar-free peanut butter cups :/
I always feel the same way about skinny people. I am so cynical about it, too.
Miranda!! I love it!
ReplyDeleteWishing you luck in the bathroom haha, and I totally get the liquid fear thing because I used to have it. I got over it by tricking/challenging myself to down a pint of water non stop. I hated how I felt after (for a little while) but then I felt so much better when it all 'flushed out'!
Keep your chin up darling xx
hehe :) Keeping them crossed for you love :)
ReplyDeleteI like the name Miranda :)
hehe.. I am a freak when it comes to staring at skinny girls.. Well I don't really just stare at them.. Sometimes its a "omg God please kill me if I ever get that fat".. Or "oooh I would kill to be able to walk in those shoes" and so on hehe..
*hugs*
I know every one has different advice and they are all great but I will add one more: Grapes.
ReplyDeleteThey are my TV snack. If I freeze them they are a tasty frozen treat (the way the sugars crystallize when they freeze makes them more yummy) and I eat them more slowly because my teeth are cold sensitive.
Also, I always have to be a little careful about eating them because they have SO much water and fiber to them that it's easy to eat too many and suddenly become and emergency pooping machine.
It's worth a shot (frozen or not).
Oh and if you like cherries, black cherries are great to help keep things moving.
Good luck!