Sex Draught

112.2 lbs

My anxiety is pretty much gone for the moment.  I've transitioned back to dealing with "real" meals and cooking.  I still have the condo situation but the thought of it is not sticking in my throat like a lump as it was before.  Hubby still can't find his debit card and was still racking up expenses with our joint debit.  I came home Tuesday and said, "Don't you have a back up credit card to use because that's not what our joint account is actually for."  I left it at that.  I said my piece without being a total bitch.  He knew that I wasn't thrilled about it and yesterday he put the money back.  He tends to be forgetful so it was nice that I didn't have to say another thing to remind him.

I've been cuddling with hubby on the couch after dinner instead of running to a different TV on a mission to to watch a show in my DVR or go to my lap top.  I had to get used to considering him again.  I have even tried to loosen up about house mess.  I've been doing the dishes after dinner.  Partly 'cause I haven't been cooking that much and partly because chances are I know he won't and having the dishes sit over night will upset me.  I've been so anxious lately about the house that I decided to do something different just to see what it was like.  After we did our Ab work out Tuesday hubby left his towel sitting there and instead of putting mine away and being annoyed that he didn't bother to do his I just left mine there too.  All laid out.  When I took a shower I left my clothes on the floor.  I left my undies on top of hubby's undershirts on top of the hamper and didn't even bother to put any of it inside.  He does that all the time and it usually annoys me to no end because it doesn't take much more energy to just lift the lid and put it inside.  Also, is it really fair for the next person to have to lift the lid with junk already on it?  He ended up putting his towel away AND mine and putting his two undershirts and my panties inside the hamper.  It felt nice to be the one being picked up after for a change.  He even started to straighten up his desk and a few other areas yesterday.  It's almost like he sensed I'm at my whits end.  I know I need to lighten up where this is concerned because it does me no good to be annoyed all the time that hubby isn't as much of a neat freak as me.  He has improved a lot since we've moved into the new house but he will always be on the messy side just as I will always be a neat freak.  I'm simply going to have to cope better.  He's such a great guy and I am super lucky to have him.

Hubby and I have not had sex since the week of February 14th.  It's been so long that I had to look through my exercise numbers on this blog to find "Sexual Activity" just to figure out when that was.  He did hurt his shoulder in mid March but it had already been 1 month of not doing it before that happened.  As of about the 1st week of May his shoulder had recovered enough so that he started biking and trying to lift to get his range of motion back then he was out of town for about 2 1/2 weeks but here we are in June and still no sex.  I think we should he having sex of course because when you aren't isn't that supposed to mean there is a problem? I've never been a super sexual person.  I've always wished I was.  My sex drive is on the low end so this is not all that difficult for me but I think we should be doing it.  I didn't enjoy sex with my ex.  I never had an orgasm.  Things are different now.  With hubby I do almost every time and I enjoy it.  I miss the closeness of sex and yeah it feels good but sometimes the rigmarole of it is annoying.  In the morning there is morning breath. It can mess up the sheets and do a number on my hair do.  The work week is so busy.  I'm tired when I get home late.  When I come home from the gym and take a shower if we have sex I have to take another one and re apply lotion.  I know totally ridiculous.  Well, they say if he isn't getting it from you he's getting it from someone else but I sincerely hope that's not the case.  Hmmm....wonder if it will happen before he goes on his next trip.

Yesterday hubby tried to spring lunch on me last minute.  Uh...uh...no can do.  I get totally rattled by that.  I suppose it would have worked out because he went to dinner with his friends so then I could have skipped dinner but I already had everything planned out.  I used my work meeting as an excuse and had my left over sloppy joe on a hot dog bun when I got home.  He's taken to asking me what I ate every day which I don't like.  I throw in a couple extras here and there.  I don't want him to worry about me.  There is no need.  I think eating actual food and not mostly snacks has actually been good for my system.  I went #2 two days in a row.  I'm peeing more regularly and clearly.  Food is going in and then it's coming out.  Duh, that's the way it's supposed to be.  As long as I keep to small portions I'm hoping it will be fine.  I spent hours researching the calories in Pizza, Cobb Salads and Quesadillas last night. The numbers are all over the place.  I've got Pizza Saturday at a place that doesn't post cals and I don't order Quesadilla's much anymore even though they are my fav.  The calories on a big one are insane but it varies.  I'm so lame!  I like to be prepared though.  It makes me feel better.  You know, that whole control freak thing.

Q & A:
Jen: I really want to recommend a book to you. It's called "The Secret.” It's a "self help" book but it's really good, an EASY FAST read, and so inspiring.
Funny you should say that I think I have that book.  A friend bought it for me a couple years ago.  Did I read it? No.  That's probably why I'm whining now.  Thank for the suggestion and I will read it.  It certainly couldn't hurt.

How come you don't skip the property management and rent direct to the customer and keep all your money?
Originally, I felt it best to have a property management company to help market the place and keep it rented.  I didn't want to have to deal with repairs, collecting rent and having to evict someone.  They only charge 6% of rent collected.  I'm glad I did because I did have to evict my prior tenant.  I have a friend in there now and I'm not worried about her but I decided to keep them on to have a buffer and because they were kind enough to retro date my contract to cover me for that eviction.  If I could have rented to a friend or someone I know in the first place I never would have hired them.  Now, there are repair expenses every month eating up my rent check and I'm just too exhausted to find out why. It would be nice if they could just send a freakin' piece of paper itemizing the deductions so at least I'd know.  Sigh.  I may end up switching to another company after this lease is up.

MLM: Have you considered trying to sell the condo again under a different agent/company?
I can't sell.  The market is too bad.  I've looked online to see what it's worth.  It's not pretty.  It's worth way less then what I have left to pay off so it's just not possible.

Anonymous:  Thanks so much for that encouraging comment.  It's nice to know that I am not alone and to be reminded of what I know to be true but often so easily forget when times get tough.  This too shall pass.