Like A Well Oiled Machine

Oh,  temptation.  I wanted Twizzlers, Mike & Ikes or Gummy
Bears so bad  I could taste 'em.

111.2 lbs

My body feels  like a well oiled machine.  I got 3 mini work outs in this week.  15 minute abs and two 30 minute Elliptical days.  I wanted to skip yesterday because my weight was fine and I was tired but I went anyways.  I have gone #2 three days in a row now.  I am peeing regularly.  I've been eating "real" food and keeping it within my calorie budget.  The snacking has gone down and I'm not eating light ice cream every single day.  It's been really hard to fight that urge but I ask myself.  Am I really hungry?  Since I've been eating dinners the answer is usually no.  I might grab about 10 pretzels and munch on them or have a cookie to get my fix but that's it.  I wanted candy so badly when I was at Target earlier this week.  I bought a pack of Sugar Free Red Vines instead of what I really wanted.  What a difference sugar makes.  They are almost totally devoid of flavor but it's something.  I love it when I'm in the zone like this.  It feels good to feel in control of my body and what I'm putting into it.  It's a reminder to me that eating small portions is good.  It really is.  I try to avoid food and meals altogether sometimes.  I fear that once I start eating I won't be able to stop and that eating disordered part of my brain tells me that food is bad and should be avoided at all costs.  But really, it's the best way to keep my system running the way it should.  Why can't we get that through our thick skulls?

I've not had any food events to derail me.  What happens is I overeat at a food event, I restrict to make up for it, I get into food avoidance mode, I get ravenous for sweets and then I start snacking all the time.  My weight will go down but I still feel out of control and hungry all the time because I'm not getting any good nutritional value.  My ultimate goal will be to get better at parties and happy hours.  It's taken years and years for me to even get to the point where I am now but there is still lots of room for improvement.  I've kinda gotten the hang of this managed ED type lifestyle or whatever you wanna call it but that has continued to be my one downfall.  I have yet to master ultimate control when dining out.  Even if I get to that point I'm thinking there will still be days where I know I will say screw it.  Like the fair or if I'm on vacation.  But, I'd like to not find myself eating more then I am comfortable with at every little event that pops up.  That's why I get so freaked out when there are too many things going on and am so obsessive about trying to space them out and knowing about them in advance.  If I controlled what I ate regardless...there would be no issue.  I want to dictate what I eat without saying, "Oh, there is a party so I'll have to over eat."  It's a work in progress.

Quesadilla's at home were supper yummy yesterday for dinner.  I am such a cheese addict.  It's ridiculous.  Work is quiet.  I've been getting blogs posted and reading blogs all day.  I've been researching calorie counts, taking care bills and other misc stuff I need to do.  Sometimes I feel like a horrible employee but on the other hand I get my work done.  When I have stuff to do I do it.  I'm always on time, I do my best and I rarely call in.  Thank goodness I'm feeling better mentally.  Gosh what a horrible time I was having.  Hubby leaves again next week.  I'm going to try to be aware of what's going on in my crazy brain this time around to see if I can't avoid this dreadful cycle of anxiety that usually seems to occur when he's away. 

Recent Comments:
Aye Ell & Jen & MLM:  Thanks for your input on my current sex draught.  It's interesting to see that in long term relationships sex just doesn't always just happen naturally and that is the case for lots of people.  And yes, maybe it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong but it is something we need to be doing.  I do need to make an effort.  Even if he isn't at the moment.  I'll probably be glad I did.  I'll keep you posted on when we finally do the deed.
Aye Ell: That picture you shared of your husband with all of his dirty clothes piled on top of the hamper is hilarious.  I mean really, what is the deal with that?  I don't get why it's so darn difficult to open lid and place inside.  Men.
hey.hana:  Awwww...thanks for the kind comment.  And thanks for reading.
Kitty:   Thanks for the Quesadilla calorie link.  There are so many variables to calories!  Size, cheese, etc.  There is no way of knowing exactly what the restaurant has did.  I've come up with my best guesstimates based on all my research and that's that.

Daily Report for Thursday June 9, 2011 Daily Log Breakfast 122 Bread, Double Fiber, Oroweat 1 Serving 70 Jelly, Welch's, Reduced Sugar 1 Tablespoon 20 Coffee, brewed w/tap water 6 Fluid ounces 2 Creamer, French Vanilla, Fat Free 1 Tablespoon 30 Lunch 194 Salad Dressing, Ranch FF, Wishbone 2 Tablespoons 30 Carrots, baby, fresh 14 Pieces 49 Cereal, Original ½ Cup 60 Yogurt, Vanilla, Light & Fit, Dannon ½ Cup 55 Dinner 534 Tortilla, Flour, Mission (med/8") 1 Serving 150 Tortilla, Corn 1 Each 55 Steak, Flank ⅓ Serving 89 Cheese, Mexican, Shredded Kraft (1/4c= 28g) ⅔ Cup 240 Snacks 134 Candy, Red Vines, Strawberry, SF (5oz Pk) 5 Sticks 64 Cookie, Samoas, Girl Scout (2=29g) 1 Piece 70 Exercise 270 Elliptical 270 30 min 270 Nutrients Fat 34g 29% Saturated Fat 16g Cholesterol 72mg Sodium 1759mg Carbohydrates 150g 56% Fiber 27g Sugars 36g Protein 42g 16%

Summary
Food Calories	984
Exercise Calories	270
Net Calories	714
+/- Calories	-289
Weight:  112.2