Never Ending Day...Bored....Hungry

111.8 lbs

So it looks like I'm not going with hubby to the East Coast.  May was bad financially, I'm still trying to recover from that and I now am going to have to replace the AC unit in my rental property.  It's going to cost anywhere from $200-$400 bucks.  There's my airline ticket.  I didn't even have the money to pay for it to begin with but with this on top of that there is no way.  Also, I need to build up my savings and I never know if I'm going to get a full rent check or not.  I am still paying off my car warranty from going on 2 years ago and I don't feel comfortable charging the AC unit and the airline ticket.  That's just too much debt at once.  If I have to do that then it means I can't afford to go and that's that.  I told hubby and he is really disappointed.  I think he wanted me to go more then I wanted to go but I still wanted to go ya know?  There is his family reunion and friends wedding going on. I hate it when lack of money prevents me from doing things I want to do.  I'm not even talking major gigantic things.  I mean, I know there are things I will never be able to afford and I'm OK with that.  But when I can't afford to go see hubby's family, or buy a shirt from Old Navy it's kinda bummer.  It makes me feel powerless, alone and like a loser.  It's too soon after hubby left for me to start getting all down and anxious so I'm trying not to let it get to me too much.  Just like I'm trying not to think about the raise I won't be getting on my four year anniversary at my job next month.  They changed the rules so it doesn't matter when you were hired any pay increases will not happen until January.  So anyone hired between July and December pretty much got screwed out of a raise this year.  Such is life.

It feels like this day is....never....going...to....end.  I did some work stuff this morning and then around 12 pm I got a research project that passed an hour or so.  It's totally deserted on this end of the office.  Everyone is on vacation today and I wish I was too.  I was supposed to go to happy hour with a friend but I'm bailing.  I'm tired and I just want to go home.  She had also suggested this game night that she goes to at a friends house and I wouldn't want to do both so I'm just doing none.  I just don't feel like being around food temptation right now.  One of hubby's former co workers called me two or was it three days ago to see about getting together and I haven't even called her back.  I will today.  It's just that this week was occupied almost every day after work and next week I have stuff to do after work Mon to Wed.  By Thursday I'm beat and the weekends I just want to vegetate.  There just doesn't feel like much time for socializing.  No wonder I hardly have any friends! 

I'm hungry as usual.  This morning I splurged and had Peanut Butter on my toast and a piece of chocolate that our boss brought back from Vacation.  I snagged a cup of fruit from the break room fridge.  Still hungry.  It's a test of will to hold out with just my little snacks during the work days  I tell you.  And being bored doesn't help matters any.  I don't even consider going to get food as an option because the concept of eating lunch is mostly foreign to me.  I can't really do anything too stupid since I only have what I have but oh how my tummy doth protest.  Even still, I'm always trying to see which snacks I can possibly do without just to save more calories for when I get home.  My scales are still pissing me off.  The main one I use will flash one number then another.  It seems to like to just say whatever I weighed the time before just for the hell of it.  So, I'll do it again and it does the same thing or sometimes changes altogether.  Then I stand on there with my hamper and/or only put half my weight to try to shake it up a little.  Often it changes so that is the number I usually go with even if the other scale is way lower.  It's this idiotic OCD obsessed looking routine.  So annoying!  Once I finally break out of this jail cell I'm going to go home, finally eat my left overs and watch a movie.  Happy Friday.