Facebook & Friends

I've taken a break from Facebook.  I still read and comment but I haven't posted anything in about a month.  The concept that something practically hasn't happened unless we post it on Facebook started to really annoy me.  This incessant need to post about our every move with photos and checking in at locations.  Who am I checking in with?  I am not even really friends with half of those people.  It started to feel like a competition for who's got the wittiest comment and doing the coolest things.  Well, I'll loose that one every time.  It wasn't uncommon for me to get zero comments on my status updates.  Then I would feel rejected.  Then, I'd post some other pic or try to come up with a funny status update about what I was doing and start the cycle all over again.  The thing is that nobody cares what I'm doing.  And that's OK.

I 'm not very popular in cyber space or real life either.  I don't have many close friends.  Never have.  The ones I made in high school were mostly friends by association.  We had cheer-leading and/or gymnastics in common and we saw each other every day.  We didn't stay in touch.  One of them became my college roommate and only lives about 1 1/2 hours away but I havent' seen her since her baby shower for her first kid.  She has three now!  We drifted.  She was married, buying a house and having a family while I was with my dead beat ex and had no hope of having a wedding so we we were in different phases.  I went through a difficult time where I was very depressed.  It was hard for me to be around happy people doing things I wanted to be doing myself.  She was also one of those bragger types which was hard to deal with.

Friend List in the order that I met them:

1. Jan:  I have one lone remaining friend from high school who lives out of state.  I texted her to wish her Happy Birthday and she didn't get back to me until weeks later.  I texted her back within a day and still haven't heard back from her.  That's how our relationship is. When we do have the chance to get together we don't skip a beat though and it's like we were never apart.  She is my oldest and dearest friend.
2. Fe:  My college buddy who also lives out of state.  We don't talk but I see her when she comes into town and we keep in touch on Facebook. 
3. Sus:  I've known her since 2000 when we met as co workers.  She was married with 2 grown kids at the time.  She's about 10 years older then me and we might have seemed like an unlikely pairing but we got along real well and spent most of our lunch breaks together.  We stay in touch by texting and I just added her as a friend on Facebook today.  I don't see her a lot but we do get together now and then.  She has had such a hard life and we have both shared some of our hard times with each other.  She recently separated from her 2nd husband and is renting my condo. The last time I saw her was a couple months ago at a happy hour gathering I invited her to.
4. Eb:  She lives right here and I still never see her.  I met her where I used to work back in 2006 or so.  She has tons of friends and a very busy lifestyle.  She was right there for me to help with my bridal shower leading up to the wedding which was nice.  I think about her a lot but she is the type who just has too much going on.  She double books herself and I don't think she's ever remembered my Birthday.  We are very similar and get along well.  She is a great listener and gives great advice.  She is part of our group happy hour circle so I saw her last month but we we do get together on our own to catch up periodically when it's been too long.  We don't talk or text much in between.  She is pregnant so she is about to move onto a totally different life phase. 

Those are my four closest friends.  All but Sus were in my wedding.  I have four others that I consider as friends.  Here they are in the order that I met them: 

1. Ann:  I met her back in 07 at work.  She also helped plan my shower.  She is super sweet but very different then me and so sometimes she can be a bit much to take.  She is very large, very loud and very ghetto.  She has a loser boyfriend that is about 15 years older yet she supports him.  Sometimes I just can't relate to her.   I have to be careful about what I invite her to because she can be a bit off putting to some and she doesn't even realize why.  Most of my other friends have gotten used to her ways! We were a lot closer during the year we worked in the same office.  We still work for the same company and stay in touch mostly by work e mail and chatting on the phone at work but have drifted a bit. Lately I only see her at the group happy hours so I saw her in May.
2. Chet: I've gotta include him on my list. I went sky diving with this guy after all. He messaged me on My Space and we met up shortly after he first came here for work back in 2008 when he was still living out of hotels and hadn't bought his family out yet. We have an unspoken understanding that we don't admit to our My Space meeting. We say we met at a club downtown. He only had one kid at the time. Now he has two. We hung out all the time. I hadn't met hubby yet and he was here alone. I think he fancied me at one time but I was not attracted to him as I don't find him physically attractive and because he was uh...married. I've since met and hung out with his wife. She is the same age as me but way more successful then I will ever be. They are loaded. They travel to Europe, go to fancy restaurants a lot and have a nanny. I haven't seen him since my July wedding last year. How sad is that? He's very busy with work and does a lot of business travel. We've talked a couple times and done some texting but just haven't quite gotten together. We can't just roll out and meet for dinner because they have two kids to consider.
3. Mol:  I met her at a modeling gig right around the same time I met my husband in 2008.  We didn't hang out right away.  She was planning a wedding and didn't work so she got to do modeling and run her jewelery business.  I worked my butt off to keep my bills paid, was single, and very unhappy.  I couldn't relate to her in her shiny happy world.  Eventually, we reconnected after I met hubby and he left for about a year.  We hung out quite a bit for a time.  Her husband is gone a lot so we had that in common.  She is the one friend who "gets" my food issues.  She has food issues herself and is very thin although recently she says she made an effort to eat more and gain some weight.  She is extremely lucky being self employed and having her husband to support her.  I go to work at a 9-5 so sometimes I can't relate but she is a really cool girl and we get along well.  She isn't part of the happy hour crew so I haven't seen her since she invited me to her B Day dinner back in February. 
4. Anca:  I met her at a modeling gig too.  In 08 also I think.  She is sweet but she spends so much time talking about herself that I get annoyed with the one sided conversation sometimes. We mostly only get together at our group happy hours so I saw her last month too.  Hubby and I did go to her little get together at her house one day and that was fun.  Ann and Anca want to take a girls trip and I'm not even sure I want to go.

Out of 8 friends 2 live out of state.  I met them all in different places and phases of my life so although they have met each other at various points along the way through me none of them are actually friends with each other or part of the same "social circle."  Logistically, this makes seeing each other harder.  We get together at this one spot for happy hour and I'll usually tell them and whoever shows up has a good time.  One friend totally slipped off the radar a while ago. Vinnie and I met way back in 2001 at work. He sorta liked me as more then a friend at one time but I was not feeling it. We'd get together now and then after we stopped working together. After he had his first child our communication went down to zero. I see him on Facebook and that's about it.  I definitely believe in quality rather then quantity so I never necessarily wanted a lot of friends but it would have been cool to have a small group of girls that were all best friends and could meet up for girl only weekend get aways.  I don't have the tight knit friendships that I sometimes wish I had but I can't get too mad about it because I am to blame.  I'm not a very good friend myself.  They don't call me but I don't call them either.  There are times when hubby is out of town and I still don't make an effort to get together with them because I get set in my little routine of coming home from work, going to the gym or watching a movie and sticking to my food routines.  I don't like to spend too much money.  I'm a loner.  I'm a creature of habit and I like routine.  Friends add to your life for sure but for a person who is so set in her ways it can be seen as a disruption.  It's terrible really.  It takes two, but still on my end alone I could do so much more to cultivate these friendships but I don't.  It's one of the things I don't like about myself. 

Hubby on the other hand has a circle of friends that all know each other.  They are tight.  They have dinners where they all get together.  They take trips together and have BBQ's and group gatherings.  I feel like we see them all the time for BBQ's, Baby Showers, B Days etc.  I felt like such a loser around his friends at first.  I felt like they were all more successful and smarter then me and was hoping they wouldn't realize that hubby was way too good for me so I didn't want to say too much and felt on edge hanging around them.  Now I feel more comfortable and I enjoy hanging out with them so even if my friends never get together I still have his to hang around.

My goal for the upcoming Summer months is to see the ones I haven't seen in way too long.  It's really ridiculous not to.  Everybody is busy with work etc but there is no reason we can't get together for drinks and catch up.