2,000 Calories

114.2 lbs

I pretty much blew it.  It was never the plan but the road to hell was paved with good intentions so now what?  Saturday started with me heading up to my sister's house.  We spent the entire day out from 1-8pm running errands and shopping for the most part.  The car wash, Target, the mall, Stater Brothers grocery and dinner.  I still don't know how we managed to stay out so long.  I made the mistake of eating about 25 Doritos after we got back from Target and it cost me 300 calories.  I can't remember the last time I ate a damn Dorito but that's no excuse.  One awesome thing that did happen is at Target I bought a cardigan and two striped tanks along with some other grocery items.  I only got charged for one of the the two tanks.  Score!!  Did I go back and tell them that I did not get charged?  Sure didn't.  In fact, it never even crossed my mind.  That's just how evil and broke I am.  I had a $25 gift card so some of it was covered but really, I should not be shopping.   I know this and it will stop.  I even bought a pair of pants at JC Penny with my $10 off coupon.  I only spent about $14 bucks on the pants but still this needs to stop. I'm in that transition phase right now where I still think I can buy something as long as it's really cheap.  I haven't completely managed to shut down the shopping valve yet but it's almost there.  Anyways, back to how I totally screwed up and pigged out.

For dinner we went to TGIF where I was actually relieved because I know they have a good Cobb with a decent calorie count.  My sister wanted to do the two for $20 and I could have said no but in the spirit of having fun and letting lose I agreed.  It's a good deal money wise but calorie wise not so much.  The lowest calories for any appetizer on the menu was the cheese sticks believe it or not.  And I love me some cheese sticks so we got those.  My entree choice was perfect.  Just Grilled Chicken and rice for 420 calories.  The kicker was the dessert.  We both love brownie or cake with ice cream so we got the Chocolate Brownie Obsession.  Half of that sucker was 700 calories.  I actually only ate half of my dinner just to save some room for it.  It's so tiny!  I cannot believe it has that many calories but sadly it does and even sadder is I ate that along with everything else with full calorie knowledge as it was all listed on the menu.  Then, when we finally got home after a long day of being out it was Moscato wine and gummy bear time.  I had a great time with my sister though.  She is on a diet and of course I pretty much always am so I think when we get together we both sort of end up saying "to hell with it."  We are about the same height.  She's got 12 more lbs to get to her goal weight of 150lbs. Insanely bizarre in my world where ultra thin is the be all end all but she doesn't want to be too skinny.   I already know she thinks I'm too thin even though we don't talk about it.  She may go lower depending on how her measurements are once she gets there but she has no desire to be my size and even if she did I don't know if she could because she has very little willpower when it comes to food.  And apparently neither do I.  My sister is doing Weight Watchers and she said "screw it" and decided not to tally up points for the day.  I'm a glutton for punishment and therefore can't help myself so I plugged everything in and out came 2060!  Ridiculous.  That freakin' dessert really pushed it over the top.  I haven't eaten that many calories in a day in years and years I'd imagine.  An all new high for sure.  So, you'd think I'd be on my A game for Sunday but it was not to be. 

My parents came up and we had a BBQ for Father's day.  My sister and I got him an IHOP gift card.  He likes that place and we never know what to get him so that's what he got.  It started out pretty good with me managing to stay away from the chip bowls and just munch on my pretzels.  Calorie count wise I didn't do too bad at 1108 but after Saturday anything was really too much.  At least I always know my sister will have healthy options.  I had a Turkey Burger, beans, pasta salad, and corn.  There was a low cal short cake dessert too.  My dad brought us some Thrifty Vanilla Ice Cream that three of us shared and I drank a bunch of wine and ended up feeling really full and fat by night's end.  Oh well.  I had a great weekend spending time with my sister and my nephew, eating out, shopping and hanging out.  Sunday was great too when my parents came up.  I love spending time with my family.  Food wise I just let myself get out of control and now I have to suffer the consequences.

I was so tired this morning.  I got home around 9ish and to bed at a decent time 10:30ish but it was such a full weekend that my body did not want to budge.  I was dreading the scale.  114.2 lbs.  The last time I hit 114 or more was January!!!  That's what I get.  I am in damage control mode now.  I've been here before, I know exactly what I need to do and am usually able to do it because of my total desperation.  I'm eating my Fiber filled treats and yogurt during the work day, drinking water, hitting the gym, then having my left overs from Saturday night's dinner.  No sweets and I don't even want them.  When I'm in damage control mode I am so focused and so motivated that not even happy hour tomorrow will stop me.  Feeling so fat and disgusting drives me to be totally in control.  I have no other choice really since fat is not an option so I do what I need to do.  I'm really disappointed in myself for not doing better but I'm done with wallowing in guilt and fear after I screw up.  I'm only 2 lbs up so things haven't gotten too out of hand.  I know that I'm capable of getting back to a comfortable number because I've done it before.  Going through all of those emotions is totally counterproductive and accomplishes nothing.  I've gained but it's nothing a good dump, some exercise and good old fashioned restriction won't fix.