Don't Expect Me to Eat

I flat out told hubby on Sunday, "Don't expect me to eat today."  I was up to 114.8 (!!!).  I did horribly at his B Day dinner on Saturday.  I simply could not tolerate eating any "real" food and at that point I didn't care what he said I needed a food break.  I needed to do what I needed to do and I did not want to have food pushed on me.  He didn't bother me about it and instantly I felt relieved.  A whole day to munch my way through and keep the calories low without worry of what I might end up having to eat, how I can keep my portion small or if I can control myself.  He had an Egg McMuffin in the morning.  I said no.  He made a casadilla for lunch.  I said no.  When he made pancakes for dinner I said no.  Oooohhh the wonderful smells.  They teased me with their goodness but I had one thing in mind that day and it was to lose weight.  I was happy with my little snacks and I accomplished my goal.  I had Fiber 1, pretzels, popcorn, light ice cream and a pecan twirl.  I busted out 550 calories on the Elliptical (Sunday work out...I was desperate all right) AND kept my calories at 752. 

Monday morning I was down to 113.6.  I was determined to have a nice low calorie count and keep up the good work.  I did not eat or hoard any donuts.  I did cut off about an inch to get a taste but that's it!   Back to the gym I went after work and busted out 580 calories on the Elliptical (6.53 miles in 1 hour).   Even though I went and picked up Cup Cakes for hubby's Birthday I refused to eat one.  I had room in the budget but I just wanted to have another nice low calorie day and hopefully drop.  I spent a ridiculous amount of time calculating the calories for the cup cakes without hubby noticing.  Wouldn't want him to think I'm obsessed or anything!  I had to know so I'd be ready to eat one the next day.  Using the handy, dandy scale:  3.8 oz.  For dinner I just had a Turkey sandwich and pretzels.

Tuesday I was down to 112.4.  Hallelujah!   One more day to go at the gym and then I'd be done for the week.  I did this cross treck something or other Elliptical.  Not the one I usually do and barley managed to burn 475 cals in an hour.  I was bummed but I could really feel how much more that one works your legs so then I was ok with it.  Another Turkey sandwich and pretzels for dinner.  Turns out there are two weights of cup cakes.  I assumed they were all 3.8 but when I picked up the red velvet one I'd planned to eat it felt so heavy.  Turns out it was.  4.5 oz.  I had to do more research to find out the count for that one.  I scraped off all but a thin layer of frosting to minimize the damage.

Today, 111.8 and I did it.  It's a darn good thing I set my weight range on the low end because it takes so many screw ups for me to seriously get my head in the game.  My sweet cravings have been kicking my butt.  Before this my holy crap freak out weight that I finally got serious at was 120 and this time it was 114.8.  That means, even with all of my slacking off I don't get too far out of control.  We had this honors luncheon for work that I had to work at and I did eat.  But very carefully.  Just a little bit of the sides and about 2 bites of chicken.  I will not be eating dinner.  Hubby is making some fish and I get home late so I'm off the hook.  I can still keep the calories low.  And now that I finally got the weight down I am off for vacation tomorrow.  I am freaking out about not being able to weigh myself but it's really only 3 mornings.  I am still in my damage control mode so hopefully I won't blow it.  I don't want to start all over again!!!!!  I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll get lax and have to work so hard to regroup.  It's a cycle.  I just don't want it to happen so soon after I just went through it.  I don't expect 111.8 to last necessarily but I don't want to come home at 114.8!

Aside from fighting the battle of the bulge it's just been a very fast moving and busy week.  And HOT too.  Every day the gym and errands on my lunch break.  Luckily work has been slow and I'm caught up so I've been able to make phone calls and get personal stuff done.  I am lagging on getting my Mom's day and Sis B Day gifts out.  The book I made for mom won't make it until the week of.  I have a hair appointment tonight.  I won't get home 'till late then I have to pack.  The surprise dinner Saturday turned out so well. Hubby had a good time and got more toasted then I've ever seen him in his life. I was so happy that I managed to pull it off and bring all his friends together to celebrate with him. It was a really fun night!  His friends picked up the tab so neither one of us had to pay.  Awesome!  His friends bought him drinks.  I spent $20 on two drinks-one for each of us and $10 for parking.  I'd say I got off pretty good there.   Overall, it's still this bizarre feeling of spending money I don't have.  It should all even out next month but for now I just feel anxious.

Q & A:
A couple of you commented on my last post with pics asking if that was me.  Yep.  It's me.  And thank you for the kind comments.  Imagine if I posted that anywhere else?  People would think I'm crazy for idolizing thin and bones.  Hell, maybe I am but you all understand where I am coming from and that's why I love posting here so much.