Money, money, money!!

I'm appalled at how much my expenses have mounted this month.  I feel like I am seriously spending beyond my means and I don't like it one bit!  I didn't plan this.  It's just like one thing after another ALL happening at the same time and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.  Here is a recap:

April:
Hubby's B Day gift:  Ipad 2, case, warranty:  $778.00
Patio Furniture:  $196
New glasses: $245, $100 down (balance due May)
Bar hopping & Dinner at a downtown steak house for Hubby's B Day: $100 easy

May:
Mom's day gift, Blog book:  $65
Sister's B Day Gift card, DSW:  $50
Car Registration:  $233
Spending/food money for our out of town trip first weekend in May (Hotel coming out of joint checking/airfare paid off last month):  $100-$200 minimum
Grand Total:  $1,567 plus the pending costs for dinner and trip.  That is on top of my usual day to day gas and misc expenses. 

OMG!!!  I've done my best not to buy much since I found out my sucky loser tenant had decided not to pay rent and would have to be evicted.  I did buy a pair of denim leggings and a pair of black ones plus the top I bought on my B Day and that all together was about $60 bucks.  I got a new tenant who paid rent on April 1st but it won't be a full rent check due to reserves and some residual repairs from my crappy former tenant.  Sadly, I'm missing my sister's B day and Mother's day because we will be traveling back from our trip that day but that would've been another expense-probably some expensive brunch and since I'd have been the only non mother non B day person I'm assuming I'd have had to pay for everyone!  OK. Trying not to stress.  I am one who normally ONLY spends what is in my budget for the month and doesn't carry a balance from month to month so this is overwhelming for me.  I have a balance transfer offer that will be available to me should I need to use it.  I can transfer what I can't pay off to another card with 0% interest or I can just take the interest hit for one month and leave it there with the plan of paying in full the next month.  Either way, no buying anything for me or the house until I get these expenses taken care of.

It was so nice to be out of the Easter melee yesterday.  I've always felt like a fraud on Easter at Easter dinners because I am not religious.  I don't go to church and I am not even so sure that god exists.  People talk about being spoken to by god and a certain feeling they get but it's not happened to me.  I'd like to know god but as of now I mostly have doubt when I wish I had faith.  So, I wasn't forced to church by my mom this year nor was there a hearty family meal.  Yesterday just felt like any other Sunday and I was only reminded that it was Easter by FB posts, a few texts and a phone call from my mom in law.  That and, when we went to Walmart to pick up our patio furniture all the other stores were closed.  I saved a bunch of calories too.  As hard as it was since I was at home all day and I'm just a freaking pig lately I managed 792 calories.  I only got in two good days of restriction during hubby's absence.  Thursday was ruined by work retreat food, Friday mom came down, Saturday it was just me and then Sunday he came back but I did OK.

Questions:
Elle:  What was your dream? Modeling? I know you mention it once in a while. Was there something else you wanted to do? Why is it too late to keep working toward it?

Yes, that dream of mine was modeling.  The reason why it's too late and that I can no longer pursue it is because I have to work.  An inflexible 8-5 M-F schedule makes castings, auditions and bookings near impossible.  Also, I'd have to go to the next biggest city to drum up more work and that's a 2 1/2 hour drive.  On a good day.  I'd be willing to do it if I actually had the time and gas money but it's not feasible for me right now.  I did it and really enjoyed it for a while but I have made my peace with the fact that I went as far as I could and the limitations of life have made it just that.  A dream.  I do get jealous of those women who don't have to work and can still get out there and do it regardless of how much money it does or does not bring in.  That's not the deck of cards I was dealt.  I used to still try to go to whatever castings I could just in my town because the money is pretty good if I book something and I really do enjoy it but I'm to the point where I am just over it.  The scrambling and finagling that I have to do to make it work is just too much for me to deal with especially in my new job and my head shots and zed cards are so outdated it's ridiculous.  If I were rich I would just spend the money to get new ones....then again if I were rich I wouldn't be at work right now!