Baby Maybe? Not

Growing up, the only opportunity I had to actually be around a child family member was my little sis. She was the biggest brat ever to me at the time and I was still so young that nothing about her really drew out those maternal instincts.  Aside from that I'm not geographically close to family and just haven't been around babies much.  I spent Friday night up at my sister's house.  The work conference I had to go to was right down the street so it worked out perfectly.  When I see her I get to see my cute baby nephew.  He is just as precious as could be.  Playing with him and kissing his sweet little face on Friday and Saturday is the first time I actually felt a stirring of desire to really have my own.  His little faces are so cute.  He is just this wonderful little person and everytime he does something new it's so amazing.  "I want this," popped into my head and when I changed his diapers and held him in my arms while we took a walk.  I saw another mother with her baby I thought how awesome.  She is a mother.  I never, ever, EVER had those thoughts before.  The maternal instincts kicked in big time when my nephew was born but I was always able to immediately dismiss it as something super special and wonderful but still something I don't want.  This weekend it switched to something I actually could want.  Despite all of the hell I am sure it entails.  But even so I must still dismiss it.  The desire doesn't change my finances or my absolute fear of gaining weight.  Nor does it change the fact that my husband still says no way in hell.  Which is just as well because I'm not totally convinced it's something I want anyhow.

I'm not sitting pretty at 112 anymore but I'm still sitting at a comfortable weight right now.  Despite eating three meals a day on Friday.  Something I NEVER do.  Of course it was circumstance as usual.  Breakfast of raisin bread and Fiber 1 at a conference.  Then, they actually served us a lunch.  At least it was healthy-you can't usually go too wrong with Chicken.  Then, out to dinner with big sis where I had a sensible salad but gorged myself on the cornbread.  Which until recently I didn't even really think I liked.  Three meals a day is a lot of food.  I don't think that's normal even though what I do is usually considered abnormal. I topped it off with late night wine and gummy bears. So, 113.2 is A OK considering that and casadilla and beer for dinner last night.  My numbers have been a little high. I have not eaten "the cake" since Thursday but I'm going to need to so as not to let it go bad.  

The weekend was too short as always.  I came home Saturday evening; to a clean house I might add.  It's the first time I ever left him for a night so I didn't know what to expect but he knew better.  We went grocery shopping on base finally.  I got lazy but it saves us soooo much money to go there instead of the closer more expensive grocery store.  I'm so tired.  It's been another tired day at work although much less frantic then Thursday when I was literally worn out by trying to get a document out on time.  I'm also very hungry.  I'm eating my yogurt right now during this last 10 minutes or so of work.  I'm making dinner tonight. I'll go to the gym tomorrow.