Respect My Privacy

113.2 lbs

I have never been so mad at hubby as I was last night.  I don't like to weigh myself around him.  He knows I don't want him knowing how much I weigh or looking at the scale when I do it but he always tries to look, sometimes jokingly and sometimes not so that I have to put my feet over the number.  To avoid that I normally just don't weigh if he's in the general area.  Plus, I don't ever want to appear obsessed.  He was laying on the couch and we were getting ready to do our P90 Ab video.  I was changing so I weighed in wearing undies on the scale in our bathroom and of course because I'm obsessed I went to the other one too.  He'd gotten up and when I was on the scale I saw him walk by so I shut the door.  About 2 seconds later after the number popped up he goes opening the door laughing and making a big show of looking at the scale.  I yelled really loud to quit it and that I shut the door for a reason and slammed the door shut again.  I was so mad!  Can't he just leave me alone especially if I've shut the door AND he knows I am very sensitive when it comes to my weight?  He knew I was mad and him telling me he didn't see the number makes no difference.  I stalked out of the bathroom and stalked back to our bedroom.  He came in and tried to hug me and apologized.  I told him I was really irritated and I don't think it's funny at all.  He said he'd never do it again, which he's never said before so we'll see. 

I also sort of have the same issue with blogging.  We have our own lap tops which is great.  I know he'd never go in and try to see what I was doing but if he sits next to me and I'm in the middle of writing something I don't want him to read it.  I do have another blog where he can read my writing but ONLY after I'm done.  There is just something about it being unfinished and me not wanting to be judged or something.  If I'm blogging in this blog I tell him don't look because it's my diary.  I know sometimes it's just natural to look at the screen so it's not that big of a deal but I kept having to say could you please not read this right now and then the next time he'd do it again.  I started to turn my monitor just to avoid it all together if he came close and he says, "You don't trust me?"  I was like, "No."  He tells me he won't look anymore and I do see him making that effort so that I am in turn trusting him more and not slamming down my monitor the second I see him approaching.

I can be a very private person.  I know this.  Maybe it's annoying but oh well.  When it comes to my writing or my weight I really just need my privacy respected and I don't think it's funny to joke around with it either.  I think he gets it now.  And of course we are good.  There was no arguing or anything.  He apologized and I moved on.  He's a great guy and I don't think he meant to be cruel.  It's just that I don't find that kind of thing funny and in fact it pisses me off and he wasn't quite getting that.

Work has been super BUSY!!  Ang just wants to chat and it's sad because I half listen and keep doing my work and make little noises like I'm interested when in reality I just don't have the time.  I get very deep in thought when I am trying to unravel all of these little puzzles that make up my job and I feel like even a minute chatting with her is an annoying distraction.  But then I've always sort of been that way.  Even with people I like!  At my old job they took someone out on a stretcher right across the path in front of my desk and I was so buried in my work I didn't even notice!  To this day I still think they are pulling my leg.

I've been trying to be a good little restricter.  I made my first meatloaf last night for dinner.  It turned out pretty good.  I just had a small piece and some salad.  I'll probably go to the gym tomorrow and it will only be one day this week but I have done two other work outs at home.  I've got my mom and sisters coming over this weekend so I need to be really good right now while I know I can.  Friday night is happy hour at the place with the free cheese!  Uh, oh. 

When I was just pushing, pushing, pushing to make a goal weight I was really focused on it and it made the restricting and the exercising somewhat more tolerable.  I can suffer now and then I will have my reward.  I have to remind myself over and over that this is a lifestyle and the battle pretty much never ends.  I got where I wanted to be and am wanting to maintain.  I may not have to be AS driven as I was when I was trying to go down but the fact of the matter is simple.  I will always be in restriction mode.  It wasn't just a temporary thing.  No siree.  If I want to be skinny it never ends.  I wish I were at 112 still but with good behavior I am hoping it will go back down.  Going up then having to go down again renews that focus a little and keeps me on my toes.  Then, once I get it down it will go up again and the cycle will repeat.  The battle of the bulge is not a sprint it's a marathon.