I really blew it. I told hubby to cook on the day of a B Day pot luck at work. I'm trying to figure out how to scheme my way out of eating dinner and at the same time feeling sooooo bad about wanting to do that. I should have told him to cook tomorrow so I could go to the gym today instead and then have his dinner on a non pot luck day. What was I thinking? I am usually more strategic then this. He is planning to make a really nice dinner of fillet Mignon too. What a horrible wife I am. I did do well by eating my Fiber 1 serving and coffee for breakfast instead of my usual toast.
I just calculated my cals. It's amazing how just a tiny bit of this and that totally adds up. The Pat & Oscar's 240 cal bread stick was the worst of it and the 158 cal Cup Cake. Without just those two I would have been much better off. Even after eating about 775 cals in one sitting I still don't feel full because it really wasn't a lot. How in the world can it all add up to 775? I did the best I could with calculating calories but we all know what an inexact science it is. I didn't even take some of everything. I was so careful of putting just a small bit of what I got on my plate. With everything I ate I can stay at 1,086 even with a 4 oz fillet Mignon for the day but I am so, so freaking anxious at the thought of eating a thing else on top of what I already did. I will feel horribly about being untruthful but I feel as though I cannot bear to eat that steak. If I don't eat it I will be exactly on budget calorie wise. And, the fact that I ate so early in the day gives me all night to "burn" it off and go to bed at a decent weight so I will wake up at a decent weight.
Maybe I could just tell him I'm not feeling well. I am incredibly anxious. It makes me feel horrible though because he is such a sweetie pie and his cooking is so good and I love him so much. Sigh. Maybe if my number is OK when I get home I can still eat the dinner? Maybe I should send him an e mail saying I don't feel well right now to set it up in case I absolutely can't eat dinner? It wouldn't be the first time I've fibbed when it comes to food or what I ate but blowing off dinner the very night he takes the time to get in the kitchen and cook? It's so wrong. I will feel so bad. I'm still 113.5 and I don't want to ruin it...at least not yet.
6:30PM-UPDATE
I got out of dinner by playing sick. I was not comfortable with being 114.5 when I got home which is what I figured and that was that. He's OK. He grilled his steak and is happily munching on it as we speak and he gave me a bite. He always shares. He didn't grill mine and I'll split it with him tomorrow. I will finish the day at 869 cals.
Sweetie!!, the things we have to deal with because of our crazy minds.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad u were able to make a decision, often times that is the hardest part. However, it also makes me sad reading this post since I can recognize my own anxiousness in it.
Everything in my head is telling me to write you that, "Dear - it's just one night, you're not gonna die of a fillet Mignon." However, if this situation was applied to me, I would do the exact same thing as you did.
And trust me, what I can judge from all of the blog-postings are that you are one spectacular wife...and if I can ever become 50 % of what you are (the strength and kindness) I will be one lucky person. :)
I can totally identify to this situation. Knowing that my mom is going to make a special dinner can give me so much anxiety sometimes that I have to find a way out of it for fear that I'll have too many calories for the day. Playing sick, going to bed early, saying I already ate are just some of the excuses I've used. totally feel the anxiety of this. much love, <3RaeLynn
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