100 Followers

100 followers today!  Well, I noticed it yesterday actually.  What a nice round perfect number.  Maybe I should make it my new goal weight!  Totally joking.  Wow.  People actually read this.  When I first started this lil' old blog no one did.  That was fine because that's not why I started it in the first place.  I had already been blogging online for a long time and writing in spiral journals for even longer.  When I discovered blogger I found a new home here.  Not only do I have a really organized way to write, vent my thoughts, and keep track of my weight and life goings on but I get to share that with others, get feedback AND reach out.  It's perfect.  The best part is this warm community of people who understand how I feel.  I opted not to make it a part of search engines because I want to preserve that anonymity as much as possible.  I don't really want to be found aside from those who might happen to find me by looking at other blogs or searching blogger.  It's not about popularity or having a lot of followers and I keep it anonymous because it makes me feel comfortable saying exactly what's going on and how I feel.  This truly is my private place to write about all this crazy diet stuff and anything else going on in my life.  Happy or sad.  I have a public blog that is not so anonymous.  I get more page views here then on that one.  There I definitely sensor myself.  I don't share that link with anyone I actually know but everything that goes on there are only things that I would be ok with if discovered by friends, family or co workers.

I need both outlets because there really are two sides of me.  I am this happy person who appears confident, works, has a great husband, just bought a house and hangs out with friends and family.  Then, there is this other person who is totally and completely obsessed with dieting.  Who gets anxious about so many things and worries that she isn't good enough.  A person who gets really sad and sometimes feels mean inside and just needs to vent.  I can't reveal these thoughts on my other blog.  These thoughts are not for public consumption.  They wouldn't understand why a person who is underweight feels fat or why 800 calories is a reasonable calorie budget.   If anyone in my real life discovered what I put here I would be mortified.    This really is my diary.  And I'm sharing it with all of you!!  Thanks for reading and the moral support.