119.0: Working On Control

I did pretty good yesterday.  At hubby's friends holiday party/housewarming party I didn't do too much munching.  When it was time to eat I got a little bit of a few of the things I wanted.  I had bread, 2 slivers of beef, 1 scoop of mashed potatoes, and veggies.  I drank about 2 glasses of wine and for dessert I had a small piece of cake.  I didn't feel full.  In fact I felt hungry most of the night.

I am beginning to think it's sort of all or nothing for me right now.  I had gotten scared about what my lack of nutrients might be doing to my body and I had a huge fear of shutting down my metabolism again. I changed my ways and started to make a point of eating reasonably.  Eat that sandwich for breakfast, eat those snacks, and be sure to eat something for dinner.  At first it was almost hard just to get up to 1k daily, then it got easier, then things just started to balloon out of control.  I wanted to eat.  I expected to eat making it harder to skip meals and restrict.  During the work day yesterday I did have my usual PBJ and coffee for breakfast.  Then, there was fudge in the office so I ate that and because I did I had no problem skipping my yogurt and dry cereal in the afternoon.  Granted, my work snacks were healthy but at least I made sure not to eat those on top of the fudge.  By the time I got to the holiday party I really hadn't eaten much all day.  The hunger was there but I was ok with it and I still did a pretty good job of not over doing it at the party.

Once I get into that hunger mode and denying myself indulgences it's so much easier to just sort of stay in it.  Trying to make sure I get little meals in just opens the door to screw up and seems to make my body want more.  My mindset is that I expect to eat and I do because that's "the plan."  That mindset makes it more difficult to embrace hunger and just skip eating here and there to keep those cal's low.  Focusing on feeding myself even if it's not a lot just isn't working for me right now.  The focus needs to be more on avoiding food as much as possible.  I will still get food in of course but i'm hoping it's going to be much easier for me to get into restriction mode this way and bust through this weight plateau.  We'll see.

The holiday party is tonight.  I have no idea if it's buffet or plated or even what will be served.  I just ate a sandwich and FF pringles that I kinda wish I hadn't.  It's my only food for the day going into the holiday party which is good but I'd already gone this long so maybe I could have just had the pringles.  Oh well.  The pringles were 140 and the sandwich was 200 so 340 going into the party isn't too bad.  The goal is pretty much the same as last night.  If it's plated it's a no brainer.  The portions at these things are usually reasonable.  Just go easy on the bread basket.  If it's a buffet then I just want to get little bits of what I want.  We only get two drink tickets so I should be ok alcohol wise.  I just want to keep that undercurrent of hunger going and be strong.  Oh, and to have fun.  I get to wear a formal dress tonight!  It's fun getting dressed up like this for a big party and I haven't done this in a while...aside from my wedding.  I waited to call too late and MAC was booked.  I'm going to head over to the department store and see if anyone else has an opening to do my make up.  If not I'll just have to do it myself.  I did a bunch of cleaning already which is great.  We are staying at the hotel over night so when I get home tomorrow the only house work will be finishing laundry and cleaning the blinds.