119.0: VS Models Are Aliens

After watching the VS fashion show I was so incredibly depressed and felt fatter then ever.  Holy crap!  Those women are simply, positively, absolutely beautiful.  Tall.  Thin.  Perfect musculature.  Legs for days and exquisite faces.  They are truly angels from heaven....or aliens from outer space.  Either way they are simply unreal.  They even put someone like Jessica Alba to shame which is hard to do simply because of their amazing amazonian builds.  At the beginning they each talked about how hot the other one is when really they are all smokin' HOT and they have to know it.  I know they are wearing make up on their faces but their bodies are what they are.  Flawless.  And even without make up most of those girls are still pretty because they have amazing bone structure and/or beautiful eyes and/or hair.  I felt like a tree stump having a bad hair day just watching them.  I was envious as hell and sad that no matter what I do I will never EVER look like them.  It's genetics.  Either you got it or you don't.  Carolina Korkova was born the goddess that she is with an hourglass figure, perfectly outlined slim pelvis and the longest leanest legs that don't touch from top to bottom.  Adriana Lima is as adorable and sexy as they come.  The "baby" Chanel Iman has to be one of the luckiest girls in the world.  She models for Express too among many others.  They walk with such confidence and grace.  They truly are the most beautiful women in the world.  When the camera panned out to men watching them on the runway they had a look of utter awe on their faces.  The same look I was wearing although mine was mixed with disgust but that's only because I'm so bitter that I can't be them. 

Imagine being such a symbol of perfection and beauty.  They are not only beautiful but they are rich.  Top high fashion models make loads of money.  It's no wonder everyone wants to BE them.  It's not just because they are thin but what being thin gets them.  Their appearance is what gets them into the modeling world, which pays them lots of money which can but does not always lead to happiness that comes from having freedom in life and amazing opportunities.  They get to experience a lot of things that most people never will and LIVE.  No boring office cubicle for them.  I'm sure they still have some insecurities.  Every woman does and considering their profession that has to be heightened somewhat because as beautiful as they are there is always someone equally if not more beautiful standing next to them.  But being a Victoria's Secret model validates them as beautiful.  It's a stamp of approval in the beauty department that pretty much can't be denied.

I can sort of gloss over the magnitude of their looks just by looking in the VS catalog but those pics really don't do them justice.  When I see them on TV it just sort of hits me in the face just how physically superior they are to most female human beings on the planet.  Seeing them on TV probably doesn't really do them justice either and I can only imagine the horror of standing next to one of those ladies.  When I put on my Victoria's Secret bra and panty this morning and looked in the mirror it was a HUGE let down to say the least.  I simply do not look like the VS lovelies.  Sometimes I feel downright ugly and blubbery but in reality I know I am at least considered pretty and would never be called fat.  I've even done some 2 bit modeling.  Even so, seeing those VS ladies on TV sent my fragile self confidence straight to hell.  I got a little bummed out and hubby is so sweet to day "There are a lot of women out there that would LOVE to have your body."  That was so nice of him to say and it did help but my little bummed out mode just had to run it's course.

I am not a VS model.  I am not genetically blessed and the weight won't budge.  I remember back to my days when I was getting my body out of the 140's, then out of the 130's, then out of the 120's.  It really didn't happen over night.  It was a slow process especially at the beginning.  There were times when it was just 1 lb per week or two weeks.   I remember never thinking I could ever ever in a million years break 120's then I did.  Then I never imagined that it would be possible for my body to break into 100 teens and I did that.  At each step more and more food got cut out.   I had to maintain consistency and discipline.  I never gave up.  If I denied myself long enough the scale would eventually go down.  It had to.  Well, it appears those days are back.  The ease of earlier this year and last year are apparently gone.  And to be honest...it wasn't exactly easy.  Plenty of hungry days and nights went into getting down to 114 while hubby was gone last year.  I've just gotten spoiled and undisciplined.  It seems I used to be able to slip up now and then but now my body is totally unforgiving.  And the water retention is ridiculous.  I am taking Yaz for gods sake-which is known to have a diuretic effect.  I was so hopeful that it would help but I really hasn't noticed a change.

I complained about my lack of pooping to hubs last night.  He asked me what I ate for the day so I told him.  His reply is that I don't eat enough to poop.  I beg to differ.  I have my good days but I'm mostly a pig.  If I eat too much more I'm convinced I'll get fat and all the pooping in the world won't make a difference.

Yesterday's Eats: [875]

• PBJ (240), Coffee (50)
• Bean, Cheese Burrito w/veggies (375)
• Candy Canes, 3 (210)