I hate coming home and feeling obligated to eat dinner. Getting into heavy restriction mode is so much harder when I have hubby to shake things up. This is the first time I've been this fat and felt the need to restrict this much with him around and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that. I used to keep no food in the house and was able to focus on restricting. When I got into a good pattern I could keep it without these at home dinners interrupting my rhythm and getting me off track. Eating at home was minimal so I was able to save any splurges for eating out. Day to day restriction was good and consistent so those splurges here and there didn't really hurt so much. If I overdid it I could eat corn for a week until the numbers went down. I didn't have to consider anyone else. Now I'm eating at home AND eating out. I can barely get and stay in restriction mode then I turn around and there is some party or we eat out or he or I makes dinner. I don't want to eat the bread he made. I want to tell him I only want broccoli. I want to get a weight scale and weigh my food. I want to eat out of a Rubbermaid 1/2 cup bowl so I can do a better job of visually controlling my portion and KNOW exactly how much I am getting since it's hard for me to eye ball it. I want to just skip dinner until the weight comes off. On the other hand I don't want to alarm hubby. He's kind of gotten used to my little quirks about eating and food and he's OK with that but he also knows that I can border on obsessive. If he sees it too much then he might start watching closer and I just don't want that kind of scrutiny. He knows about my past. Also, I feel guilty. If I just eat FF pringles for dinner what is he going to eat? He is perfectly capable of cooking and does it way better then me and does. I would rather not cook at all 'cause I don't really enjoy it but I want it to be something I do for him sometimes.
Work snacks and a light dinner no longer seems to be working. I am thinking I'll need to switch it up to liquids and things like yogurts and fruits only during the day. I started with the breakfast PBJ's over two years ago because I was hardly getting any nutritional value at all in any thing I ate day to day and it was starting to scare me. Now that I've gotten fat AND have someone at home that wants to eat dinner that probably needs to go. I felt like a total pig eating it today. I just have to figure out what approach I want to take that I can tolerate. Something that will work for me to get me back on track.
I think things just got too easy for me. I didn't HAVE to try as hard so I didn't but I have to remember that getting to even the point where I'm at now was not easy. It took a lot of discipline. Each day eating less then the next to capitalize on any weight loss. I got into the mindset that it was how it had to be like it or not and I did what I had to do. I controlled my urges. I accepted that I could not eat and I lost weight. Well, now my body is shifting back to that difficult mode. So far this year these ups on the scale had not been "real." Normally, I'd focus and loose it all within 10 days and be at a weight I felt comfortable. Well, that doesn't seem to be the case for me right now. The "high" has gotten higher and it seems to be sticking. My pants feel tight today. Well not tight but they fit. I'm used to my clothing feeling a bit loose. Granted these are freshly washed but it's just one more thing to play with my mind.
Looking at my food from the last two days if I just cut out the PBJ I'd be doing a lot better. Oh and of course the damn cookie and the popcorn courtesy of the "junk table" at work can go. These little splurges that I used to be able to get away with are probably not gonna cut it right now. I'm in transition right now. Hanging onto my old ways out of habit and hanging onto my thin body by a thread. I need to get my head in the game. Be consistent, restrict, feel the hunger, drop these pesky pounds and figure out how to do it all with hubby in the mix. I would say exercise but I'm exhausted just thinking about it so I'll just have to see how that goes. I'd much rather restrict my diet then exercise although I know ideally I should be doing both.
There is a housewarming party on Friday and hubby's company holiday party on Saturday. I'm so screwed! But only if I allow it.
Tuesday Eats: [1300]
- PBJ (240), Coffee (50)
- Dry Cereal (90), Yogurt (90)
- Cookie (150), Popcorn (180)
- Salad w/egg, turkey, veggies (300), bread (200)
- PBJ (240), Coffee (50), Cookie (150)
- Dry Cereal (90), Yogurt (90)
- Popcorn (180)
- Baked Potato w/Marinara Sauce (300), Dinner Roll (65)
I get it. I really get it.
ReplyDeleteEspecially about reconciling a loving relationship with trying to lose weight. It pretty much doesn't happen.
You'll get there. Keep trying.
Thank you for your comment, it meant a lot to me xxx