Feeling Hot

I feel pretty hot today.  I've got on a pair of black skinny jeans and I like it that I can see a space between my legs.  I also can tell others  (women) notice because they look towards that direction and I know they aren't checking out my croch.  I'm wearing my new high black pumps which make my legs look longer, a sparkly graphic tee and a black blazer over it.  I feel trendy and I'm even wearing make up.  What's the occasion?  I'm getting together with some friends for happy hour/club time after work.  I actually had a reason to make an effort with my appearance today.  I'd actually like to get to a point where I have cool outfits every day.  Still building that wardrobe and working on my style.  Not quite there just yet.  

These black jeans make me feel skinny but I certainly don't feel that way when I see the number on the scale.  So maybe my weight is starting to bug me a little.  I actually haven't tracked calories but I don't think I've been doing too bad.  My workday snacks and then lately a sandwich for dinner on sandwich thins.  Last night I had rice and then got to some snacking.  Pecan twirl, string cheese, 2 snackwells oh my! Not so good on the snacking but other then that nothing too excessive.  I still can't poo on a regular basis.  This is period week and my weight did not go down a bit like I was hoping so that tells me my body is in retention mode.  Which I hate.  I am trying not to let it upset me because my body basically seems to do what it wants to do and no amount of getting upset, restricting or exercising it seems to matter at times.  One day without notice it might decide to release everything and I'll drop down into the 116's without changing a thing.  Then the next thing I can barely stay below 118.  I am trying to not let these fluctuations bother me.  Chances are my body will go down again right?  Well that's what I'm hoping.  The fear of just blowing up past 120 and not being able to control it is what upsets me the most.  If I can eliminate that fear then I will be a lot better off.  As long as I just stick with my general eating habits there is no reason that should happen.  But then again there isn't always a reason for what my body decides to do. I really HATE that.

I will be drinking tonight at happy hour and then there is the dinner party on Saturday.  I felt a poo coming on that never happened.  My chances of dropping weight over the next two days are not looking too good.  I'll try to do better with my restricting on Sunday and go from there.  Thanksgiving week.  Ugg!

Did anyone watch "What's Eating You" the other night?  They didn't show any scenes from the next so i'm wondering if it's the last one.  Things that crossed my mind:

• Why does the chalk eater have a big roll around her tummy if her diet consists mostly of chalk and coffee? Shouldn't she be skinny?  Or even thin?
• Why is chalk eaters mother eating chalk while on dialysis?  It didn't really seem like a disorder for her.  She just wanted to eat it...like I want to eat cookies.
• How amazing is it that the anorexic girl went from 56 pounds and managed to mostly recover and stay at 106.  She was EXTREME!!  Her body was totally wasted away. 
• I also couldn't help but wonder how she has the money to live in her own apartment in LA and not work.  That was my dream at one time but try as I might I couldn't figure out a way to do it.
• She was 106 lbs and about my height and ate about 600 cals a day.  She looked thin but not super thin.  I must look fat!!  I want to be at least 110!!!  But I can't even seem to maintain 115. 
• It's funny how weight carries differently on different body types.  At 106 I think I would look a lot thinner then she is 'cause at 110 I was looking pretty scary skinny.