116.0: The Job Is Mine

So, I haven't blown it yet.  I was down to 116 AFTER a BM this morning so I don't really know if it will "stick " or not.  I've been tired the last couple days.  I wonder if it has anything to do with my intake.  It seems as if I was doing very well energy wise for all of Septemebr at least.  Can't really remember exactly but it was GREAT!  I enjoy not being dead tired all day at work and having to take naps in my car just to function.  I had a long day yesterday so hopefully that's all it is.  I do know once I get down to 116 it's a lot harder on my body.  This is the part where my body usually doesn't want to go lower and I have to eat less.  My body just starts to get worn out.  I really need to find a way to manage to get food in that's healthy.  If I feel deprived I often want to go for the junkier stuff.  I often can keep it within a decent calorie range but they are empty calories so it does nothing for my overall energy and well being.

I went shopping again on my lunch break.  I am a maniac.  I can't stop.  I went to this silly job my agency sent me to where they take my pic for some virtual make up project.  It only pays 40 bucks but it only took 5 minutes so I can't complain too much.  I was walking so fast to get there an it took forever to cross those busy streets.  Some random guy pulled up and hit on me.  I was like, I'm in a hurry and I have a ring on...thanks bye.  They took pics and some wearing a certain necklace.  Pretty quick and totally random.  By the time I walked over there then back to the mall where my car was parked I barely had any time left but I was determined to go use that coupon and get my shirts I wanted since I had driven up there.  I only spent $60 bucks on three great tops.  I went over by about 30 minutes on my lunch break.  I'm so bad!!  I don't think anyone noticed.  I was sly about it.

I got the job!!  I interviewed for two.  I don't know about the other one but I accepted the one in my office and that's the one I wanted more.  I am so freaking excited.  Not that I want to really have to work here of course.  I would much rather be a model or a writer.  But since I can't do that and I have to work here I have to try to make more money and move up.  I so didn't think I would get it.  A is a higher position over there and M is in my same position but over there.  I just KNEW they would get it over me.  Also, L is over on our side but she is a higher position and been with the district for a long time.  They picked me over her even!  I was so shocked when I found out.  I have been rejected so many times for so many jobs I've applied for over the years.  My pay goes up about $500 per month.  I really need the money!!  Of course some of that will be eaten up by taxes but still, that's huge for me.  I'm going to contribute a bit more to our joint savings and joint bill account.  I get a tiny office but it has a window and a door.  I have never had an office before in my life.  Always a cubicle.  I also will no longer be anyone's assistant.  I am just my own position and I have a supervisor of course.  I am so scared about starting new jobs.  I love the position I have so this was really hard.  I like it when I totally have my job down.  I like knowing my stuff and when you start a new job all of that goes away.  You know nothing.  You aren't the authority on anything.  I have managed to master every job I've taken so I really hope this one will be no exception.  I can do this.  They hired me for a reason right?

It was so nice to be able to tell my husband.  Hey honey, I'm not a total looser.  I actually got a promotion.  The thing is I know I do good work so I don't know where all of this loser talk always comes from.  My boss's love me.  My former boss got mad because the boss I have now stole me from him and now my current boss is mad because the new boss is taking me.  They are already saying they just don't know how they will replace me.  My job is very detail oriented.  It requires a lot of organization and critical thinking skills.  They have to find someone good.  Like me.  I guess it's just that I took such a huge pay back in 2007 when I took this job and basically had to start over.  I took about a $10,000 per year pay cut!  I started at the same salary as I had 8 years prior straight out of college.  I felt like I'd wasted 8 years in one career that I would die before I ever did again so what now?  It was bad.  I had no other skills and I got rejected so many times before I got hired here and countless many more times after as I searched for jobs with higher pay.  My self esteem took a total beating.  I am an esteemed clerical assistant with a college degree.  Feels pretty pathetic to me most of the time.  Hubby didn't seem to care.  He loved me anyways and I really should learn to just love myself anyways but have just had a hard time figuring out how to do that.