Hubby got back on Sunday Aug 22nd after being gone a week. I really did miss him while he was gone and it was great to have him back but two days later there was something missing. I have to document this feeling because it's happened once before and I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is or isn't. The last time it happened it went on for 2 weeks and I think I was just really annoyed because we were in a tight space and he was being so messy. I was annoyed with him and then just overall annoyed because clutter really upsets me.
I love my hubby so much. When I look at his picture I smile. I love what his presence in my life has done for me emotionally. I don't know where I would be without him. He really is the reason that I am as well adjusted as I am right now. He brought happiness into my life that I never thought I would have. Probably for these reasons, I am normally obsessed with him. I like to have my space to unwind after work and sit and watch TV and just BE or whatever but I have this overall need to be with my hubby. There is this overwhelming feeling of....gosh I don't know how to describe it. It's like I just want to look at his face and touch his skin and hang on his every word. I have to kiss him and hold him. I just can't get enough. Well, when he got back that feeling was missing. The love is still there of course but that extra level of whatever it is that I can't describe wasn't and I am not exactly sure why. I almost didn't want to verbalize it because I am confused by this and not quite sure what to make of it. What does this mean? Probably nothing but I just sort of needed to formulate this thought.
He went away again Last Thursday for a long weekend. Well, he's back since Monday and so is that feeling. It's just this aching thing in my chest that I get when I think about him or look at his picture. It's this yearning for him. I am just overwhelmed and filled up with love and joy in his presence. Now that I have it back I can better describe it even though I still don't know what it is or why it sometimes disappears. I suppose it's just the natural ebb and flow of a relationship. It kind of scared me when it was gone. Like, what is going on here? But, the thing is that I know without a doubt that he is my soul mate. He is the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. There is no one else that could fill his shoes. No other man can do what he does for me or be what he is to me. He is my everything and I seriously believe that there would be no me without him. No happy me anyways. Just a sad sack of misery that I used to be. He is sexy, funny, smart, kind, cuddly, fun to be with and he puts up with my weird ways. We are on the same page in so many ways. I can be myself around him and he actually made me believe that I could be loved. Just for me even with all of my shortcomings. He makes me want to be a better person.
So now I have this post to look back on if that overwhelming feeling ever comes up missing again. It will be a reminder to me that it happens but I love this man with all of my heart and will always get it back.
Don't worry about it, its normal for your relationship to be constantly changing.. there are so many things that can affect the way you feel (energy levels, food, sleep, dreams, stress, illness, tension, arguments, hormones etc etc etc) I know for me it's helpful to look back on things like this so hopefully it works for you too. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way & don't doubt the love!
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