Nothing Tastes As Good As Thin Feels

Tuesday's Eats: [1065]

• Breakfast:  PBJ (235), Coffee (50)
• Lunch:  RF Cheese It's (150)
• Snack:  Yoplait (80)
• Dinner:  Chili (220), String Cheese (80)
• Snack:  FF Candy (250)

Wednesday's Eats: [980]

• Breakfast:  PBJ (235), Coffee (50)
• Lunch:  RF Cheese It's (150)
• Snack:  Yoplait (80)
• Dinner:  Pasta w/LF Italian dressing (250), String Cheese (80), 1/2 Serving Pringles (35)
• Snack:  Pecan Twirl (100)

I really need to quit with the candy.  It's ridiculous really but I use it to quench a craving and stave off my hunger.  It FEELS light in my stomach and it tastes good so I tend to overdo it.  It being fat free and all. 

Scales suck!  They are schizophrenic or something.  It's so annoying to us obsessives who hang onto every number at every weigh in as if our lives depend on it.  Wednesday morning it said 117.5 with jammies.  Then it said 117 after I went pee.  Then I took off the jammies and it still said 117.  I went to the other scale and it said 116.  I went back to the main scale and it still said 117 and I know my jammies are good for +.5 on the scale.  I tried one more time naked and got 116.5.  If I wasn't so obsessive I likely wouldn't care or even notice this so much.  I mean, I weighed myself 6 times within 20 minutes on two different scales!

On Make It Or Break It one of the character's has developed an eating disorder.  She has been over exercising and starving.  I think it's funny how they had this character develop an eating disorder but did nothing to try to change her appearance.  Obviously the actress can't really loose 10 pounds for this story line but usually they give them dark circles under their eyes or do something to try to translate weight loss.  Apparently she is 96 lbs but had 10lb weights on when they weighed her so she was able to fool them into thinking she was 106 and in a normal weight range.  I love that show.  So much drama but I love the gymnastics aspect of it.  Imagine having to spend all day at work wearing a leotard.  Of the 4 girls I rate their bodies in order of most preferred: Lauren, Kaylie, Emily and Payson.  Lauren and Kaylie are the only two who have gymnast like bodies.  Lean and compact.  Emily and Payson-not so much.  Emily is slim but hippy and Payson borders on big if you asked me.

Plugging along here.  Hanging onto 116's as best I can.  Last night I was so scared I blew it.  Did I really need to eat those darn 7 pringles?  Food is so addicting.  I was watching True Life:  I Can't Stay Thin on MTV.  This girl was about 180 and has tried all kinds of diets to get to 150 but only extreme crash diets seemed to work although only temporarily.  This other guy lost weight by doing 200-400 cals a day for 6 months.  He went from 300's to 215.  He literally cut himself off from the world and holed up in his apartment.  He even quit his job.  Life equals temptation equals fat a lot of times so isolating was the only way for him to do it.  He either starved or binged.  There was no middle ground.  I Watched these people stuff their face and hate themselves for it while I stuffed mine with a pecan twirl and extra pringles and I could totally relate.  When you want food or when you are hungry it really just takes over.  You don't even care at that moment.  Later it hits you and it's awful but at the time all you want is what you want.  I have to try to keep telling myself that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  It's so true.  As much as I love pizza and cheese and french fries I truly hate feeling fat so much more.

I was so scared I blew it last night.  I was 117.5 before bed and seeing as how I mostly drop .5 overnight I was thinking I would gain.  Since I didn't then this is my chance to keep doing well.  To work on having better control.  I have a happy hour on Friday.  It's clear that to maintain this weight I won't be able to eat much.  Which kinda sucks but the alternative seems to suck worse.  If I have a single "bad" day it could all be over.