I'm not really sure exactly where everything went wrong this past weekend. I just know that it did and that immediately I knew I'd be taking laxatives in order to try to save myself. Maybe it was the excessive cake bits munching while hubby was baking on Friday night. Then the late night Subway sandwich and soda pop. Or going out to eat on Saturday and coming back to a giant hunk of heavy chocolate cake and ice cream. Cake and Ice Cream obviously BAD but at dinner I ordered the 4 veggie sides combo and only finished 2 which were beans n rice and greens. Oh yeah, I did have some corn bread and hush puppies. OK BAD-even though it was my only meal for the day. I had already exercised that morning and I already knew without a doubt that I would be doing it again that night as soon as we got back home from mom's. More jump roping in the garage and a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
Either way I knew that I was going to have to do laxatives even before I stepped on the scale Sunday morning. The number was so bad! I popped 2 right after weigh in but before eating my 1/2 pbj and snackwells. Knowing that the laxative was going to be doing it's work gave me enough peace of mind to eat Chinese food for dinner that night even after a ridiculously high weigh in. I managed to do it without hubby noticing which is good. I actually had a pretty good BM early afternoon and that was before the laxative started it's work. I wanted it all out so I took another two in the evening and hoped I could get rid of enough to have a decent weigh in Monday. It was basically the max adult dosage and I figure if I allow myself to do it once a month at the most and that is if I feel utterly desperate then I won't get into trouble.
How sad that I am this weight AFTER laxatives. I worry that I am actually visibly fatter. One day last week I was saddened to find that if I squeezed super hard I could get my legs to touch at every point whereas before I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. Then I tried it again over the weekend and they wouldn't touch. I'll try again this week and see what happens. Am I loosing my mind? Probably a little. But I just know I have to do better. I feel that I have managed ok and improved a little bit food wise but it still needs to be better. It's that simple. There are days where I wish I could just live off of ice cold water. Calorie free, cold and refreshing. I want to just ignore the hunger and the cravings and know that I am totally calorie free and truly doing the best I can.
Hubby and I are doing what is supposedly a super intense exercise video today. It's co ed-geared to women and men so I know it's tough. P90X anyone? Then we are eating salad for dinner with the left over chicken he made last week. So this is good. I'm going for a fresh start beginning with yesterday where food wise I did OK. I'm sure I was under 1000. I had Beef & Broccolli with white rice-not a lot. I want to do better starting now and leading into October 1st. I like 1st's-even better if they fall on a Sunday. They make me feel like I have a new chance. It would be nice to already have momentum going into the 1st. So, here is to fresh starts. I know I am not the only one who probably needs one of those right about now.
p90x is pretty super intense. When I first started it last year I could barely move some body parts the next day. I made it through 45 days not all 90. I just started taking too many days off and then didn't get back into the routine. The problem is that if you're already in good shape you won't see the results they show on tv. You would have to eat ridiculously well ("clean") as they call it in order to really pop the way the tv models do.
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