There Is No Magic Formula

Yesterday's Eats: [1215]

• Breakfast:  PBJ (240), 2 Snackwells (110)
• Dinner:  15 RF Ritz  (210) w/Peanut Butter (180), 1 1/2 serving FF pringles (105), String Cheese (80)
• Snack:  Candy (240),  Apple (50)

I had a suggestion to quit processed foods but I honestly don't know where to start with that. It seems like a lot of work and almost EVERYTHING is processed. I think I would be miserable. The other suggestion was to watch sodium so I explored that. The highest probably for the things I normally eat is about 250 for the RF Cheese It's. So many things have sodium-likely because they are processed! I checked out the sodium content on everything I ate yesterday and it was 1161. I don't think I am at the level that it is excessive enough to cause chronic water retention. I used to eat way more sodium when I was addicted to pretzels and ate canned soups for dinners several nights a week. It's a miracle how I lost any weight at all! BUT-I will certainly make a point never to go back to those canned soups. And those frozen entrees! Whoa. Lots of sodium. If I did, I'd have to limit those to days where I have hardly eaten anything else.

In an attempt to come up with a plan to change things up to chip away at this weight problem I looked up high fiber foods.  I am planning to focus on beans since I love 'em, broccoli, Apples, and whole wheat pasta instead of regular if I must.  Bran Flakes are up there but then that involves milk and the inability to control myself on cereal.  Maybe some bran scoops in my yogurt would work?  I will have to be wary of the canned beans sodium content [processed, grrrr] BUT although they take a long time to cook they are easy enough to make that I could consider going fresh.  I need to get my bowels moving so I can actually get rid of some of my intake. 

There are so many things to look out for.  Carbs, fat, calories, protein....sodium?  What is one to do?  It's enough to make you just say forget it.  I applaud anyone who can go 100% whole foods-or NO foods for that matter.  It really takes a lot of the guess work and the pit falls out of your diet.  I've mostly focused on calories and fat over the years.  I did have a phase where I focused on carbs because I was desperate and having a hard time with weight loss.  It's like this intricate dance with so many steps and combinations that must be done perfectly in time to the music to look good. You miss one thing and the whole effect is ruined.

Saturday was gluttonous.  I actually had real food.  I was at mom's so on top of the PBJ that morning I had a FF yogurt with my big sis.  Then, there was a small piece of fried chicken, cabbage, and beans w/the smallest bit of rice.  Oh, the beans.  They did their trick and I had a BM that night.  I had a small glass of wine AND a scoop of RF ice cream.  All the while analyzing each food choice in my head and how it felt inside my stomach.  Was I full?  Did I go too far?  Only the scale will tell.  And for once it told me that I had not.  I had a great Sunday morning weigh in.  117.5.  I did NOT let it go to my head.  The reality is that I can't eat like a normal person and get away with it so just because I had one successful day does not mean I am out of the woods.  Not even close.

Yesterday's snack dinner was this random assortment of weirdness including the very high in fat but much loved Peanut Butter. I tasted one just to see if it was as good as I remembered and if I could do without them. But no. For some reason I wanted them and nothing else would do. I might as well do it now while hubby is out of town.  That night before bed I stepped on the scale.  117.5 STILL.  "YES!!!!"  And after tallying up the calories today it's really not so great.  Last week I probably would have gained a pound.

My stomach is wonderfully flat.  No pooch or bulge to be seen.  Concave when I suck in a little further.  Beautiful, but I doubt it will last.  I have discovered a pattern.  The birth control pill aggravates my fibroids and causes them to bulge and distend my perfectly flat belly.  I also think they might be the culprit for a lot of my water retention.  Saturday and Sunday when I peed.  I peed.  Not some pathetic trickle but a full stream that emptied my body of the horrible fluids that I have been retaining for weeks...months even.  I didn't drink more water then usual so I couldn't really figure out where all of it was coming from.  I got a little gun shy of the water so although I know I shouldn't I held back.  I just needed to see some low numbers again.  I needed to know it was possible and I didn't want to risk it with the water.  The last few months have been rough.  Even a week without the pill did nothing before but this time around I was rewarded.  My body decided that it would finally do what I have been willing it to do all along and I am grateful but I hate it that there is no explanation.  There seems to be no magic formula that works the way it is supposed to all the time.  I hate it that even if I change nothing and continue to do what I am doing my body could still choose to turn on me and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

I got on the pill because A-I am having sex and don't want a baby and B-I was bleeding during sex.  Two years ago the doctor said that it could be due to the fibroids and that a pill could alleviate that.  It did.  But now, I am going to consider other birth control methods.  I HATE the bulging fibroids and the possible water retention it may or may not be causing.  I do not want to bleed during sex.  It was an alarming amount of blood and it was disgusting.  Hubby was so sweet and patient about it but it made me feel horrible and embarrassed.  It made me hold back on wanting sex and I need all the help I can get to get into it.  I want a good sex life with my husband.  So, I'll just have to discuss my options with my doctor and see if something else might also take care of the bleeding so I can get off the pill.  Perhaps an IUD? or Nuva Ring? 

I didn't change a thing and the numbers went down but I am teetering on the edge.  I plan to up the fiber and be concious of sodium.  I also need to drink more water even though I am terrified of water weight right now.  I have to be really careful even though I am really at the mercy of my body regardless of  what I put or don't put into my mouth.  Imagine if I'd totally given up and started pigging out when it was just water weight all along?  I just have to do my job and I really hope that my body cooperates.   I feel so much better with my numbers right now and I really need it to stay that way.  I waited until just before bedtime to take the first of my next cylce of pills again.  Please don't make me fat!  I am terrified of feeling out of control again and gaining.