Failed Again

Yesterday's Eats:  [1670]

• Breakfast:  PBJ (235), Cookie (100)
• Appetizer:  Tortilla Chips (280)
• Dinner:  Chicken Cordon Bleu (415), Pineapple Juice/Vodka (300)
• Dessert:  Brownie (240) w/Ice Cream  Scoop (100)

So yeah, I pretty much suck.  It was so much easier to loose weight when I used to hole myself up in my condo alone all the time.  I didn't go anywhere or do much of anything outside of work and the occasional dinner or happy hour with a friend here and there.  There was no temptation.  I could restrict and starve without being derailed by an outing and on the few and far between times that one did come up I would eat and go right back to restriction so it hardly hurt on the scale so much.  Well, those days are over.  I have activities just about every weekend.  I have a husband at home.  Things are different and loosing weight is hard.  I keep hoping that I can screw up and not gain or even loose 1/2 pound like I used to sometimes in the old days.  But nope.  I screw up, I gain.  There are no free passes for me anymore.  I am so tired of failing at this.  It is soooooooooooo F'in old.  I am constantly taking one step forward and 5 steps back and not getting anywhere in the process.  My honeymoon is in October.  I could make it a goal to be skinny and 115 by then but I almost don't want to bother.  Chances are I will fail. 

The dinner was good.  The drinks were plentiful.  The dessert was prepared and brought out without us even knowing what it was going to be.  By the way I did have a really good time even though I was being really lazy about getting up and going.  AM & K are a really sweet and fun couple.  I used to feel so out of place with hubby's friends.  I felt inferior to them because they have good jobs and I let that make me feel uncomfortable.  Now after knowing them awhile I don't feel like such an oddball anymore.  Hey, their friend married me so here I am loser and all!  I laid around all day before we went over there when I should have been doing an exercise video but whatever.

The bottom line is that I have to get damn good at restricting in social settings.  Restaurants and home I think I'm ok with.  I can't eat then expect to go back to restricting and pick up where I left off like I used to.  The social events are too many and apparently my body just isn't like it used to be.  My willpower just dies and fizzles out once I get where I'm going.  I can't win for loosing.

The battle to at least get back down to 118 begins again.  Sigh.