Whatever

Yesterday's Eats:

• Breakfast:  PBJ
• Dinner:  1/2 Italian Sandwich
• Snack:  FF Soft Serve Yogurt

So, I guess you could say I have taken sort of a lackadaisical attitude about my food intake.  For the moment at least.  I guess after seeing my wedding pics it made me feel better about my body somehow and makes me feel like I should stop worrying myself silly over how thin I am.  I am thin!!  I have been in maintenance mode at a fairly thin weight for a while so that means that I have at least some semblance of control over my weight and have for a while.  Today I woke up at 118.5 and while it made me nervous it did not send me into a tailspin of freak out like before.  The important thing for me is not to get too careless.  I think 118.5 will be my trigger not necessarily for freaking out but stepping it up.  When I see that number that means I need to cut back and watch it but it should not get me panicked.  Now, if I can't get it to go down then of course I'm going to freak out and ideally I would prefer to maintain closer to 116 but I don't see the need to get all agitated if I'm not because it hardly does me any good.  So, we'll see how this works out.

I have a friend I used to go to high school with.  She is tiny.  Never topped 100lbs through high school.  Never topped 90 for that matter!  We were cheerleader buddies in high school and college roommates freshman year.  She was the type of girl who always got what she wanted.  She had a car.  She was popular and smart.  She got the cute boyfriend.  Her parents gave her money.  She ended up getting a sweet job after college that lots of people struggle to get.  She had a huge wedding to her high school senior prom date.  They bought a brand new big house.  She got her parents to move across the street-easy baby sitter access.  She got to do acting and modeling and not really work that much 'cause her hubby made good money.  She got to do a lot of extra work on big name shows and lived close enough to drive out for auditions etc.  Meanwhile, I was on my own and barely got to do any of that because of work.  They had kids and now she is a sub teacher.  She sort of works when she wants to is in the PTA and has a daughter that just started competitive figure skating.  I always got the feeling that she was bragging when she'd talk about her life and it really irked me especially when my life felt like it was going down the crapper when I was working my hellish job, couldn't afford to have a wedding with the ex who made hardly any money. 

Well, she never comments on my facebook let alone chat.  So, when we bought our new house she actually chatted with me because her home was done by the same builder as ours.  She IM'd me just to let me know how crappy the job they did on her house was and that they had to renovate and that the whole neighborhood was mid lawsuit.  She does this right in the middle of my posting the house pics on facebook.  Everyone else is saying congrats.  The house is being built and it was stressful enough without her chatting me up for that.  Then, when I get married and posted those pics-nothing.  No congrats.  No IM.  It's like she only wants to chat when it's something negative.  I can't wait to send her an IM saying our house is perfect and we had no problems so far and hopefully never will. 

She was the kind of "friend" I could hardly bear speaking to when my life was going so badly because she lived in some fantasy world where everything was wonderful and I couldn't get a ticket into that world to save my life. It's hard to be genuinely happy for people when you get the feeling they are just gloating in all of their wonderfulness.  Well, things were really rough for me before for a while but are finally turning around.  It may have taken me a lot longer to get here then her but at least I am finally getting here but I don't feel the need to brag to her about it the way she did me.

It reminds me of how few "real" friends I had in high school.  Back then you saw them everyday.  You had the same life.  Once you grow up and move on that's when you find out who you were friends with for more then just proximity and similar school activities.  It kinda makes me sad because I do feel that we were very close at one time.  I was in her wedding.  I have only 1 friend from high school that I truly stay in touch with and one from college.  Is it me or is it just life?