Sleepless Night & Half Pound Gain

Yesterday's Eats: 1065

• PBJ (235), Coffee (50)
• RF Cheese Its (150)
• Yoplait Light (100)
• Pizza (250)
• String Cheese (80), Pecan Twirl (100), FF Candies (100)

The binge monster came out in me yesterday after I got home.  It was a later dinner then I would have liked on top of that.  The pizza was planned but the extra little snacks most definitely were not.  I did 100 crunches before bed and hoped for the best.  Which did not happen.  Disappointing yes, but I'm not totally crushed by this set back.  Hubby comes home tomorrow and things get way trickier for me after that so I can't get weak now.  I haven't taken a dump since the laxative induced one from Sunday that extended a little bit into Monday.  Which was very disgusting by the way.  I'm so glad hubby wasn't around for that.  I had considered taking it last night before but I really am empty for the most part and I don't want to abuse them.  I'd rather save them for my times of utter desperation. 

The wedding is over so we have no more wedding stuff but I feel like my weekends are still being mysteriously snatched from me.  This weekend is BBQ on Saturday and dinner at hubby's friends house Sunday.  Next Saturday is another dinner apparently with the SAME couple but other couples are coming.  Can't we just skip this Sunday then since we will be going over next Sunday? Then my big sis baby shower is that Sunday.  It seems like in years past I used to NEVER do anything on weekends.  Back when I was alone and depressed.  I spent most of my weekends indoors at home.  No extra calories, no extra money, and plenty of free time.  Hubby likes to be occupied more so then me.  He claims he wants time to just do nothing but when it happens he gets a little antsy.  I am a homebody and I realize that getting out is good for me because those old days of lonely isolation were quite miserable.  So, I'm just going to roll with it and try not to get to upset that I can't laze around in my jammies all day on weekends for the forseeable future.

The other day when I was waiting for my meeting.  I walked by this awesome modern looking house downtown.  There was a silver Porsche parked outside.  It almost looked more like an office building then a house so sleek and angular was it.  I could only imagine how amazing it must be inside and a house that close to the marina has to run in the millions.  Then I noticed the owner of the Porsche in the car.  I never saw her but the friend with her was tall, wearing stiletto type heels, and a tight gray shirt that showed off her boob job looking chest.  She was all made up.  And I just thought.  Wow...they are probably rich.  I wonder what their life must be like?  I can't help but wonder.  I am fascinated with this concept of being rich and having a life where you get to shop and buy what you want and don't have to work.  What might my life be like if I had money?  I swear I would have a child if I were rich whereas now....not so much.  It's just too difficult when you aren't wealthy if you asked me and I'm not so sure it's worth it.

My other observation was this woman walking with her friends by the Marina.  She looked older and quite frail yet solid in a way.  Well, she didn't look old but had an old before her time kind of look about her.  She had an over tanned shrunken appearance that I can only surmise comes from years of tanning and possible starvation diets.  I am sure the tanning has something to do with it but the idea that improper nutrition over years and years can lead you to look sort of shrunken as you age is scary.  That whole skinny osteoporosis look is so not what I want for my future.  Granted, she was REALLY skinny and while I am fascinated with that level of thin I'm not sure I want that for myself so I don't think I could EVER look quite that emaciated.  Even if I really wanted to I don't think I have the willpower to do it.  But, I could only wonder if she had an eating disorder.  Ironically enough they were talking about what they were going to eat as they were passing by and I heard a little snippet of conversation where she said "I could eat fish."  Hmmmm. 

Last night I had my first insomnia night in a long time.  It's funny-well not funny-but I was just chatting with co workers just the other day about how I stopped my sleeping pills in January after hubby came home.  Well, he sort of made me go cold turkey because I had come to completely rely on taking them every single night.  I've been sleeping fine ever since and now this.  Which is horrible timing because I have a super LONG day ahead of me working that promo and I feel wrecked.  I may have gotten a little sleep but you know the difference between waking up and hitting snooze and just sort of laying there and hitting snooze.  I won't get home until 11:00-12 midnight.

The only GOOD thing is that I do get to leave work 1 1/2 hours early and I won't have time to eat a thing after my work snacks until tomorrow.  Hopefully that will fix my weight gain and I will be determined enough not to ruin it when hubby comes home.