My Wedding Rocked

I stopped posting.  I got really busy with family coming into town for the wedding.  You can't just sit in front of your laptop when you have folks in town visiting with you.  I also just got fed up with myself and my body.  And the damn scale.  I was so annoyed with myself for waiting so long to finally try to make an effort to drop some pounds and then mad at myself when I failed miserably.  What did I expect anyways?  I weighed in at 118 on my wedding day and you know what?  When I look at pics I look great and I had the time of my life.  My arms look thin and toned.  My waist looks tiny and my shoulders look slight and bony even.  I've always had prominent collarbones.  When I see pics from the back you actually can see my shoulder blades sticking out-which I never knew they did that.  Everyone said how beautiful I looked.  I even got compared to Barbie.  So, what am I complaining about?  What am I beating myself up over?   Yesterday morning hubby's aunt said "My gosh what size are you?"  Everyone says I'm tiny.  Why can't that be good enough?

Wedding week I just sort of gave in and gave up food wise. The scale would not go down. My body would not cooperate and it was all just way too frustrating. I didn't binge or flat out pig out though and I suppose my give up is still probably less then what a lot of people eat. Even in "give up mode" I still didn't top out above 118...well maybe 118.5 for one day or two in there. Which was strange. I put all of this effort into it and was 118 then I sort of give up and I'm still 118. Then today I am 117. HUH?? Yesterday I had, Coffee, Cookie at work and an at home sandwich for dinner.

My wedding was absolutely the most wonderful amazing day.  It flew by like you would not believe and there were some very stressful moments and not everything went right but it was so great and I will never ever forget it as long as I live.  I got to have a wedding.  Me.  A person who never has the best of anything.  Me, who usually has to settle.  Not this time.  And really, not since hubby came into my life two years ago.  He doesn't settle for less then what he wants and he believes that I shouldn't have to either.  Starting with him, I have things I have always deserved but just wouldn't allow myself to enjoy.  The fact that hubby does not settle and he picked ME.  Well that should tell me something.  I was a princess for the day and it rocked.  I threw this amazing party.  I got to pick everything the way I wanted it to be.  I picked the colors, the food, and decided where everyone would sit.  Friends and family came out and had a great time.  I called the shots.  I put it together.  I was the center of attention for the whole day.  I normally don't crave this kind of thing or seek it out but for that one day I had it because it was my wedding and it felt amazing. 
 
When it was time for me to get dressed everyone in the room was looking at me and when they zipped it up I was struck by how lucky I was to be able to do this.  I got to wear this amazingly gorgeous dress.  My hair and make up was perfect.  I model so professional hair and make up is nothing new to me but even still, I felt more beautiful then I ever have before.  When I peaked out from behind the door and saw our friends and family seated and waiting for everything to start it sort of took my breath away.  I never in a million years dreamed of having a fairy tale wedding like this.  It was such a relief once the ceremony started because now the planning and organizing was over.  All that was left was to walk down the aisle and then have a blast at my reception.

I cried just a few words into my vows and by the end of it there was hardly a dry eye.  I have never seen my hubby cry and he did that day in front of everyone.  I got to stand there and finally tell everyone just how much I love this man. I got to tell everyone how he changed my life and has made me happier then I have ever been. There were so many tears of joy through out the day.  I didn't expect to cry.  We are already married.  He's been my secret husband for two years now so what's the big deal?  There just  something about a wedding.  This celebration that is specifically designed to celebrate your love.  The people you love and care about most are there.  They are so happy for you.  It is so emotional.  There is nothing else like it.  It truly was magical.

After it was over I kind of felt relief.  "Wow, I don't have to stress over wedding stuff anymore."  Hubby and I can just be normal.  Then, on the other hand I had such an amazing time and loved the whole experience so much I was thinking, "I want to do it again!!!"  As a child I never dreamed of my wedding day and as an adult I never believed it was something I could have.  "My goodness what is all the hoopla about?" I used to wonder.  And now I know and am so grateful it's something I got to experience first hand.

It was worth every single penny we spent.  They say "It's just one day" but it is a really big day and it is so worth it if you get to have one.  I stressed big time over the expense.  I didn't know if I could seriously justify a big old party but it really was more then that.  I'm so glad that hubby insisted that we could do this.  We should do this.  Everyone said I deserve to have this wedding and I wasn't fully convinced it was worth it but now I know it is.  Granted, if I'd spent 20k on it I might feel differently but we did it the right way for us.  We spent a little over $11k just for the day of stuff not counting wardrobe and rehearsal dinner and a lot of other extra things that just kind of add up like invites etc.  We also paid cash so we don't owe a dime for it.  I said no to a lot of things to keep costs down but I still got so much of what I wanted.  Yeah, that is a lot of money for one day but as budget conscious as I am I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Some things really are worth it and it is nice that I didn't have to settle or deprive myself of something wonderful just to save a buck.

I went back to work yesterday morning.  His aunts and mom left town yesterday afternoon.  I got all teary eyed when I said good bye.  They became part of this whole wedding experience because they were right there during the days leading up to it.  How special is that?  They are such sweet fun ladies and although having house guests seemed a bit exhausting at first because of the change in routine etc but I got over it real fast.  I had so much fun with them and it really was great having them here and getting to know them better.