Bloated Hell

Yesterday's Eats:

• Breakfast:  PBJ, Coffee
• Lunch:  Pretzels
• Snack:  Granola Bar
• Dinner:  Chix Casadillas (1 flour 8"/1 corn), Tortilla Chips, 1 Beer

I ate pretty bad yesterday.   For no good reason either.  Tonight we are just having salad with the left over chicken on top of it.  My stomach is so full of air or whatever that I don't want a thing to eat which is good.  I might have some yogurt later if it starts to feel better.   I am so bloated right now and it's awful.  My stomach hurts and feels like it's going to explode and if I suck in even just a little it hurts even more.  I feel so fat and round.  I am supposed to start my period next week but still.  I don't usually bloat this much.  On top of that my fibroids have been inflammed the last couple days.  Which I hate because it makes my lower abdomen stick out.  It actually sticks out on one side and not the other most of the time so it looks deformed.  Like some alien is sitting inside my belly.  It sucks because I actually have a totally flat stomach-except for that and there isn't a whole lot I can do about them.  They aren't always inflammed but I am noticing that when they do poke out it's starting to get more and more so they must be getting bigger.  It's sad that I am going to have to live with these for the rest of my life.  Getting older is hell.

This week is going by so slow.  I can't believe that yesterday was only Tuesday and today is only the 1/2 way point.  I am more tired today then I was the last two days of work.  The sun has totally gone away too which makes me feel even more tired.

I had a work evaluation meeting today.  I did well but am struck by how unmotivated I am career wise and work wise.  I am so lost.  I hate my paycheck but aside from that I am fine with just doing this samo job every day.  She mentioned some other things I might be able to work on and it would be great but I don't want to overload myself and not have time for the job I am supposed to do.  Plus, I didn't really see the point.  I just don't see any real career path for me here and that makes me extremely unmotivated to do anything else.  Just coming to work at a job I didn't hate was enough for me and has been for a while.  Aside from that I just don't know what else there is for me to strive for.  No wonder I am where I am.  Which is nowhere.  I do good work but I just have no ambition or drive.  I really hate that about myself.  I wish that I knew what I wanted.  My boss said how skilled and capable I was but I still can't figure out at what.  It's not like my job is that demanding.  What good is all of this skill and capability going to do me if I don't know what to do with it.  I don't see a bigger paycheck for me anytime soon.