- Breakfast: PBJ, Coffee
- Lunch: RF Wheat Thins
- Dinner: 1 square of Mexican lasagna, about 10 torilla chips
When I first met him I was probably about 3 lbs more then I am now and it went up maybe a couple pounds during that time. I didn't get back into this lower weight zone until last year while he was gone overseas. He DID notice that I lost weight when he came back and would make comments here and there about needing to "fatten me up." He pretty much met me as is obsessions and all so that is all he knows which I think has been helpful in this not being too much of an "issue". He knows my limits too. If I go out to lunch for any reason during the work day I will not be eating dinner. If I have been vacation eating or dined out too many days in a row and feel overloaded don't expect me to eat much for the next few days. It's just that simple. He knows this and he doesn't bother me about it. Restriction during the work day and portion control at dinners is key for me. I can eat with him after not eating much all day and I control my portion size when I do. This maintains a semblance of normalcy and he can see that I am eating. Now if I drop more weight noticeably or refuse to eat around him then we will have a problem. There have been times in the past where he felt I was too obsessive and would tell me I have to eat dinner or question me about what I've been eating but overall I believe he thinks I am OK so doesn't give me too much of a hard time. I don't push it in ways I would if I were alone. Sometimes it is hard for me. I get annoyed that I can't just starve when and if I want to without having to consider eating dinner he cooks or cooking dinner for him. When I am alone restricting comes so much easier because I get into that "mode" and I can stay there. Normal people eat normal food on a regular basis. They don't make a habit of starving themselves or restricting food. With hubby around I am forced to be mindful of this. I get away with what I can.
Now with the ex hubby it was a totally different story. That was when I was in my extreme phase AND in a very bad relationship to boot. I didn't want to cook for him at all. I felt so overburdened by him and the crappy relationship in the first place on top of never really enjoying cooking on top of eating disorder issues. Even before I got extreme with my dieting cooking was never part of the equation. He ate frozen foods and I ate almost nothing. He got upset. He watched me dwindle down in size. He watched me over exercising after not eating. I refused to eat meals with him. I was tired and depressed. He questioned me and badgered me about eating and it was part of why our relationship crumbled. Only part because there were a lot of other problems. The good news is that I actually care about the relationship that I am in right now. I want to nurture it and I do not want to set off any alarm bells. I also don't seem to have to go to the extremes that I used to have to in order to maintain this weight for some reason thank goodness. Back then, I could barely maintain under 120 without it. Now, I can pretty much maintain at 116-118 just restricting in the way that I do and no exercise. This is acceptable but sometimes I really hate myself for not being 115. Now, if it got to the point where I felt compelled to go to all of those extremes to keep my weight at an acceptable level would I do it all over again? YES! When I get overly anxious about my weight or feel totally out of control I can't help but to engage in those extreme behaviors. But, I would certainly have to do a hell of a lot better job of hiding it because I would care so much more about the impact it might have on our relationship.
I made dinner last night. If I were single and didn't have anyone else to consider would I have ever done such a thing? HELL NO! But, he loves to cook and he loves to eat. I want to do my share. Meals are important part of couple time so unless I want some REAL problems I need to go along with the program. The good thing is that he is very easy going about my habits and in general. He doesn't need meat and potatoes every day thank goodness. He eats sandwiches for dinner himself sometimes and is very mindful of fat and calories so it's a pretty good match for me considering how extreme I can be sometimes.
I consider myself to be very lucky to have someone like him who really accepts me for how I am. He just doesn't give me too much of a hard time about my eating habits which for me seems normal because I've been doing this for so long. In reality, it's probably not all that normal and there are a lot of guys out there who might take issue with it.
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