[Day 6] It's a Small World-Neighborhood

Yesterday's Eats: [Up 1/2 pound]

• Breakfast:  Bagel, Coffee
• Lunch:  Tortilla Chips
• Dinner:  Light Beer, 1 1/2 Cheese Stick, 1 Potato Skin, 2 pieces of bread

I met Mt for happy hour and jazz yesterday after work. He texted me to meet up and my first thought went to food. Dang. He says he still loves me and that his one regret in life on his death bed is going to be that he let me go.  I feel sorry for him but I am happy with my hubby and so glad that everything worked out the way it did.  Mt wasn't right for me and hubby is.  Hubby is my soul mate and even if Mt and I had ended up together I don't think I could ever say the same thing about him.

I really let him have it yesterday.  He continues on with this idyllic little fantasy about our wonderful times together but I needed to shatter that.  I told him to this day I don't even know if we were ever really "together."  First of all, I had a so called boyfriend who I couldn't take trips or spend holiday's with and didn't even know where he lived.  How was that wonderful for me?  He talks over and over about the few little outings that we had and I'm like WHAT!  You call that something?  Hubby and I did more together in the first 2 months then we did in the 2 years that I was "with" him.  His experience was way different then mine.  He had all the answers I needed about what was going on with him and I was in the dark.  When I got with hubby is when I found out how dating SHOULD be and how a man SHOULD treat a woman.  I also told him he better not count on being able to bring a +1 to our wedding.  He said that I can't expect him to show up at a wedding where he won't know anyone.  He should have thought about that when he told me the day of my friends wedding that he could not make it to the reception in favor of his friends party at a bar and he left me there all by myself.  I didn't know anyone and sat at the reception fighting tears because I felt so lame and hurt.  He just had to get in for free when the truth is he could have gone later and the party still would've been going on.  I just wasn't a priority for him and never was.  Not only was it rude to me but it was rude to my friend who had to pay $60 bucks a head.  That is wasted money.  Anyhow....I let him have it whether he wanted to hear it or not.  If he can't come to my wedding alone then too bad.  We had a fun time chatting and drinking though.  I just have to keep it real with him.  He just needs to get it that he screwed up and that what we had together was more dysfunctional then good. 

I found out some news about a guy I used to date about 5 years ago around the same time I dated Mt.  Tj wishes that we had gotten together and actually hated Mt for a while because he blamed him for preventing he and I from ever having a chance.  Tj and I went on about two dates or so and he'd stop by now and then.  He constantly made sexual innunendo which got on my nerves to no end.  It was like all he could ever talk about and it got old.  It made me feel like that's all he wanted and put me off.  The thing I remember most about him is that he had a HUGE penis.  Seriously!  Probably porn star status.  We never had sex but did fool around and I have to admit that for a while I was curious about that penis.  We stayed in touch over the years because he would keep calling me now and then.

Well, he is going to be our neighbor and it is freakin' hilarious.  Tj and his wife bought a house in the same community that hubby and I did.  I don't have an issue with being friends with former suitors but when we started to hang out a bit after hubby and I got together and after he got married it started to make me feel uncomfortable that I was having secret meet ups with a married guy who couldn't tell his wife about me.  I couldn't call him.  He refused to allow me to have his number and it made planning difficult.  I wasn't doing anything wrong but it felt so trashy being associated with that situation.  I told him that we couldn't hang out and it was actually kind of awkward because it was sort of like "OK have a nice life."  I didn't have a problem with hanging out or chatting with him it was just the fact that he was keeping it from his wife.  Anyhow, the poor guy can't seem to keep me out of his head so eventually he'd e mail now and then and I would reply.  Then, in the latest e mail we discovered we'd be neighbors so he called me and we talked about house stuff.  Years ago he used to get on my nerves and I think it was because he was so hateful about he and I not getting together.  He was secretive and always wanted to know what I was doing but wouldn't tell me about him.  He finally started to be more of a cool guy in recent years.  We had real actual conversations about ourselves and life.  I can identify with him in a lot of ways.  I told him that I didn't have to lie about who he is or knowing him to my significant other but that if he needs me to pretend I don't know him because of his situation then that's fine.  They are a young couple like us.  I actually thought it might be kind of cool to meet his son-I bet he's cute-and his wife.  I will take my cue from him though as he is the one that has me as this big secret.  I do know that I have got to get inside his house to check out his options.  They did 35K in options and we only did 10K so I am curious to see how his house looks.  I think it's going to be a bit harder for him to be my neighbor then it will be for me.  I think he still holds a bit of a flame for me.

It strikes me that right now I can think of three guys who consider me "the one that got away."  Tj, Mt, and Ca.  Either one of them would be thrilled if I said I wanted to be with them.  I can think of a few other guys who also had major crushes on me too.  Yep little old me.  The looser that I am.  It's really strange.  I was pretty slow and scared when it came to guys so I had to REALLY feel something even to give a guy a chance so there were a lot of guys who just didn't get one with me.  Not that I was so sought after or anything but I just didn't date a guy to be dating someone.  I had to think they were cute and be attracted to them and I was kinda picky.

My shoot yesterday was the bomb.  It felt so cool to be in front of the camera again.  They were saying I was doing a great job and they loved the pics as they came up on the monitor.  The photographer was like, "I love working with professionals."  I did shots with the i pad, kindle, mini net book and i phone.  The client was like, "How do they learn how to do that?"  The photographer would say look "warm" and I instantly knew how to adjust my expression to do that.  It was awesome.  It felt good.  The audition got cancelled but they said I could still upload a video, so we will see.

Thank goodness it's Friday.  I am ready for the weekend.  It's been a long week for me and I am tired.  We have plans to drive to hubby's friend's house about 1 1/2 hours away to hang out tonight.  I don't feel like it at all but I'll be a trooper and go.