Busy Dining Out Mom's Day Weekend

The weekend was exhausting.  I am tired now and feel like I didn't really get a break but the week has already started and all I can do is keep on going.  We were out Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday most of the day AND until pretty late each night.  Friday night was his friends house.  I don't even know why we went all the way up there.  We were going to see them Saturday for dinner and they've invited people over for a BBQ next Saturday.  We went up there Friday and sat in their house and ate Subway.  Oh, and it's a 1 1/2 hour drive.  Whatever.  It's hubby's friend, he wanted to go so we went.  Their new house is nice.  They have done no decorating so it looks a little plain and boring.  I guess they don't care.  Our house will NOT look like that. 

Saturday was a cake tasting and appliance shopping the rest of the day.  I had to stop myself from eating the darn cake.  They gave us 3 huge full size pieces.  Saturday nights dinner out really messed me up.  It came as a bit of a surprise because it was supposed to be the guys at first.  The good news is that because hubby was one of the B day boys we didn't have to pay.  His friends are so into splitting check evenly and treating so and so.  They just order whatever they want seemingly without regard to price.  This place was not cheap.  They are way too rich for my blood.  But back to dinner.  I was 117 that morning and by the time we went out I was so happy to be at morning weight which made me even more upset about this darn dinner screwing everything up.  I kept looking at the menu trying to figure out what I could get that would enable me to eat the least amount of food without looking strange.  They had no low fat dressings so I knew I'd be doing myself no favors by getting a dinner salad.  Actually, maybe I should have but whatever.  I suck.  I ate 2 potato skins and some bread.  I ordered the steak kabob with veggies for my side and only ate two chunks of meat but I drank tons of wine so of course I felt like a stuffed pig afterwards.    It was terrible.  I really didn't want to eat.  I really didn't and would have been ok with just eating a bowl of soup but you have to order something and the next thing I knew I had eaten way too much and although I didn't do horribly I still felt full and fat. 

Sunday.  We had to go by the new house to measure the living room and guess who we see about 4 houses down.  Yep, Tj.  Too, too funny!  Hubby actually spotted him first.  I came out of the house and he's like, look who's here.  So, I look to my left and give a little wave.  Hubby and I walk out of the house, I waved and we keep on going.  Our first sighting in the neighborhood.  His wife wasn't out there.  I'm not sure if I would have waved if she was.  But I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking.  It's been probably a year since I saw him last and I think I was looking pretty cute.  Poor guy. 

I woke up a pound higher at 118 and I still had a 3 course Mother's Day dinner ahead of me.  I just resigned myself to the fact that I would probably be 120 by the end of the day.  There was no way out of the looming food fest that I could see.  I had my complimentary Belini, salad for my starter, and steak and Frites (which is basically just french fries) for my entree.  The grand finale was dessert.  Chocolate Molten Lava Cake.  No sharing involved because it was a special menu where everyone gets their own.  Oh boy was I full.  And in my head I knew that was it.  I am so over food.  I am so over it, over it.  I really mean it.  Consider that my last meal.  I weighed in that night and about fell over when I saw a 118 staring back at me.  How could I have eaten a meal like THAT and stayed at morning weight?  Unfortunately I haven't seen any weight loss benefit as a result of being off BC for the week like I did last month.  Maybe that was it.

I was so grateful to be down half a pound today because now I really mean business.  My wedding is literally about 2 months away....OMG!!  I want to look lean and mean and perfect.  When EVERYONE from out of town comes in and sees me I want them to think "Wow, she is so thin."   When I met my ex for happy hour the other day he hugged me and said he felt bones and asked me what the hell was I doing.  I am pretty much just like "whatever."  I don't see thin and and I certainly don't feel thin especially when I was down to 115 at one point a couple months ago.

I really mean business this time.  It's just this thing that clicks inside my brain.  I sort of get in the zone.  I know that nothing can touch me or tempt me.  Not free food, not dinners out.  Nothing.  Food becomes my enemy and I just don't want or need it.  I feel that right now.  I've been waiting to feel this way.  Waiting for that strength to return.  I've just messed up too many times.  I've been weak and I've failed enough that I simply can't tolerate it anymore.  I've been saying I will restrict and I will try all the while knowing I would probably screw up.  But not this time.  I'm in the zone and nothing can stop me now.