I Will Not Be A Nagging Wife

I am feeling OK that I am maintaining in the 116 range at least even with all of my slip ups. Never in a million years would I have thought that this could be a maintenance weight for me without totally starving. I did OK on Saturday eating two cheese Casadilla's for dinner. Other then that I had only had a pbj and some pretzels during the day.

Sunday we met hubby's aunt for lunch. I ate a donut in the morning. Hubby wanted some and I couldn't resist of course. He ate 2!! One being a big fat Cinnamon roll. I could only eat 1/2 my sandwich at lunch but I did eat a lot of bread and had fries. My stomach gets this horrible bloated filled up feeling. I feel like my stomach needs relief but then of course, I can't ever go. This morning I managed a couple pebbles but that's it. It sucks.

As far as the house thing I can't help but think just how screwed we are if our bank doesn't finance us. I really don't know what we will do. We should find out this week. I am hoping, hoping that this will work out. We owe money for taxes which sucks. We were kind of hoping to have some money to stash away in savings for house expenses but nope. The government is determined to suck us dry. Ever since I started filing as married I have stopped getting re funds. It used to be my one chance to put away a chunk of money in savings but I guess that's not happening anymore.

I don't know what's been going on with me. I love hubby to death. I really do. But for some reason I was just feeling annoyed and a bit flat over the past 2 weeks or so. Not feeling like I didn't love him or anything because I do more then ever but just feeling annoyed. Being A little annoyed with his clutter caused me to just be a little annoyed with him and then just annoyed in general. He tends to be a bit on the messy side and in this small space it really agitates me. It's like he is blind. He doesn't see the chair that he left in the center of the room instead of putting it back under the desk. He doesn't notice the pants sitting on the futon week after week or the pile of mail sitting there in a jumble for days on end. He puts clothes on top of the hamper instead of putting it inside or putting it away. Then, when I need to put something in the hamper I have to pick up the lid along with whatever he put on top. Why not put it in the hamper if it's dirty? Why not put it away if it's clean? He probably sees this stuff but it just doesn't register as anything because it doesn't bother him one bit. It does however bug the hell out of me so I try to ignore it. I don't want to be a nagging bitch so I don't say anything then over time I just become annoyed and feel bitchy in general. I feel evil and mean. It's an icky feeling and I really hate it.

When my living space is messy I feel out of control. It affects me way more then I would like it to but I've always been that way. I really wish I could not care of socks are on the floor but I do.

So, I am trying to work on this. I know everyone isn't as anal as I am. Everyone isn't as neat and organized as I am. Heck, I'm not even as neat and organized as I want myself to be. I cannot arbitrarily impose my standards upon him. I must let him be him. I will NOT turn into some angry nagging wife. I WON'T!! Mostly because he doesn't deserve it. He's a great guy and there are way more things I love about him then not. He just happens to not care if furniture is used as a substitute for a closet. I tell myself to just let it go and not let minor stuff like this bother me. Who cares. This is Not a big deal!! Anyhow, over this past weekend I was feeling less overall irritation and I was glad. I just wanted to hug him and love him like usual without thoughts of clutter in my head and that felt good.