Yesterday I went home and weighed myself. I think I am going to start doing this more often just to help keep me in check. To help me see that NO I cannot eat. I ate a chicken sandwich for dinner with some baked beans. I wasn't planning on the beans but I figured they could only help in the #2 department. I did not have a snack before bed. I did eat a few fat free candies though.
Today is a long day. I went ahead and got the Reduced Fat Turkey Bacon sandwich from Starbucks. The only other thing I will eat during the work day is a yogurt in the afternoon. I have a hair appointment so I won't get home until about 7:30pm and when I do all I will have is a string cheese and 3 girl scout cookies. I know-I suck. But it's hardly a full meal and will keep me at well under 800 calories for the day.
The only other food event this week is that now hubby wants us to meet for lunch on Friday. We haven't done this yet. I normally don't do lunch but if he wants to get together with me I can hardly refuse him. I'm glad that he wants to. I have more of a time crunch so he said he could order my salad (as he already knows that is what I will want) before I even get there to save time. "You know I won't be eating dinner that night then?" He says, "Yep." So, it's good that he kind of gets me and my limits when it comes to food.
I have decided to just try to ignore the mess at home. Instead of moving the cup from the bedside table and putting it into the kitchen I will just leave it there. I will not pick up the lap top sitting next to the bed or the pajama bottoms sitting on the floor. I will not hang his clothes in the closet or organize the pile of mail sitting on the desk. Whatever he leaves wherever he leaves it will stay there. That way I am not feeling irritated while straightening up. I will simply do my best to relax and pretend it isn't there. At least I will try. We will see how it goes. When it's time for my mother to come over in a couple of weeks I will politely ask him if he wouldn't mind straightening up some of his things. We had a really fun night last night just hanging out. I am trying not to be so tightly wound up and keep the clutter out of my head.
We are going to have what I call a "Couple Check Up" this weekend, at my suggestion. I think it's a good idea for couples to sort of check in with each other and see how each other feels about the other person and the relationship. A chance to talk about anything bothering us or things that we are liking. Open dialogue. I was thinking that it might be a good idea for me to go to counseling so I can learn to cope with clutter and to have someone to talk it out with. Does that sound strange and extreme? It probably is but for whatever reason clutter really aggravates me and so as not to go off on hubby and be all uptight and angry inside I really need to learn how to manage those feelings. In doing so I am accepting that it is my problem and not trying to put it off on him and maybe I can learn to deal with it.
I gotta chip away at this poundage. 118 is my limit. If I don't get tough now it's only going to get worse. I am taking 5 metamucil pills right now. I think it's just months and months of food slip ups that are finally sticking to my body.
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